[igg]

Hi,

Something I'm playing around with....music is still a distant echo....


IT'S ALL IN THE STARS 

V1
It's the pull of the moon             
Of Saturn and Mars                       
The braid of their orbits                                         
Tangled in stars                                                               
The path of each planet             
We want to believe             
Determines our future             
And all we'll achieve                       


Ch:
It's all in the stars
That burn clear and bright           
We dream of the secrets                           
They whisper each night


V2
We take what we're given         
And all we've been taught                         
Remembering lessons                           
From hard battles fought                   
Compelled by beliefs         
We learn to obey                 
Sometimes we hunt                                     
And sometimes we're prey
   

V3
The hot smell of money                   
Sweet honey of fame                             
Poisoning wisdom                       
And dimming love's flame           
The pressure of work,
Those hard nights alone
The ringing, by chance               
Of a small telephone

Ch:
It's all in the stars
That burn clear and bright           
We dream of the secrets                           
They whisper each night

V4
Born out of chaos                                           
The strong and the weak       
Lurching and stumbling             
Alive and unique                       
Riding the rivers   
Through which our time flows
Taking us finally                               
To where we must  go                   

V5
So howl at the moon
As you rise with the tide                                   
From your first startled cry           
To your breathless goodbye                               
                                           
Ch:
It's all in the stars
That burn clear and bright           
We dream of the secrets                           
They whisper each night

[ScottLevi]

Aha fantastic!

So much natural flow & rhythm I was bopping my head and rapping along off the bat! (I'm presuming it's not a rap, but I always find it a good test of rhythm and syllables if nothing else).

Only bit which tripped me a little is below
_{Sometimes we hunt                                      
And sometimes we're prey}
might consider
_{Sometimes we hunt                                      
Sometimes we're the prey}

Yeah so love the rhythm, and the lyrics work well for me too seems like a nice (but futile) fight between personal drive and fate and you attack it from multiple angles

[JolieThePassenger]

I love this set of lyrics.  Well-crafted, a clear narrative and fresh-sounding with some real stand out lines.  One of my favourite lyrics that I've read so far on these pages (admittedly, I haven't been here as long as most others!). 

If you don't mind the slightest neg from a relative newbie, these two lines, 'Sweet honey of fame'                                         
and 'dimming love's flame' just seemed to be the only time the words tipped into a slightly more well-worn path.  They're not 'bad' by any means, but the rest of the lyrics are so good, that anything in the least contrived (which is a much harsher word than I mean, but I can't grasp the right one, as i'm really tired and need my bed!!) is probably thrown into relief.  I also have a mild dislike of the oft-used pairing of 'sweet' and 'honey' so feel free to ignore that completely!!     

I also agree that 'Sometimes we hunt and sometimes we're prey' didn't sit quite right for me either, but honestly, these are tiny points.  It's a great write - I really, really like it. 

[Paulski]

Hi igg

What great flow to this! I can't imagine anyone not reading this through to the end - it's so captivating  I do have a couple of teensy nits - that are prob just my (lack of) taste.
In the first verse I wanted it to read:

The paths of the planets
We want to believe             
Determine our future(s)             
And all we'll achieve

But what you have is perfectly good too.
And this couplet:

The ringing, by chance               
Of a small telephone

seems to introduce a hard technology in the middle of a wonderful philosophical piece. That jarred me a little out of the narrative - but maybe that's intentional.

Feel free to ignore the above (except the part about it being a great work  )

cheers
paul

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi,

Something I'm playing around with....music is still a distant echo....


IT'S ALL IN THE STARS  

V1
It's the pull of the moon            
Of Saturn and Mars                        
The braid of their orbits                                        
Tangled in stars                                                                
The path of each planet            
We want to believe              
Determines our future            
And all we'll achieve                      


Ch:
It's all in the stars
That burn clear and bright            
We dream of the secrets                            
They whisper each night


V2
We take what we're given        
And all we've been taught                        
Remembering lessons                            
From hard battles fought                  
Compelled by beliefs          
We learn to obey                  
Sometimes we hunt                                      
And sometimes we're prey
  

V3
The hot smell of money                    
Sweet honey of fame                            
Poisoning wisdom                        
And dimming love's flame            
The pressure of work,
Those hard nights alone
The ringing, by chance              
Of a small telephone

Ch:
It's all in the stars
That burn clear and bright            
We dream of the secrets                            
They whisper each night

V4
Born out of chaos                                          
The strong and the weak        
Lurching and stumbling            
Alive and unique                      
Riding the rivers    
Through which our time flows
Taking us finally                              
To where we must  go                  

V5
So howl at the moon
As you rise with the tide                                  
From your first startled cry            
To your breathless goodbye                              
                                            
Ch:
It's all in the stars
That burn clear and bright            
We dream of the secrets                            
They whisper each night

Only one suggestion. . . and the rest was fantastic.  

Remembering lessons                            
From hard battles fought                  
Compelled by beliefs          
We learn to obey                  
Sometimes we're hunters,                                      
And sometimes we're prey

Another possibility is: 

Sometimes we're predators/color]                                      
And Sometimes we're prey.
  

[CaliaMoko]

Very nice. Such appealing words and the way they're put together. At first I didn't like the word "It's" at the beginning, but by the end I think I "got it". By the time I was done reading the second or third or maybe even the 4th time...I'm not sure...I was hearing it to a lovely ballad type of tune. Which is interesting, because when I first started to read it, I heard it as a fast, peppy piece, but right away that didn't seem to work, so I ended up crooning it to myself.

I'm really curious to hear how you set it to music.

Nice job!

Vicki

[igg]

Hi all,

Thanks for taking the time to review these lyrics...

Scott - I wrote the lines
"sometimes we hunt
and sometimes we're pray" to serve the double function of the literal meaning and the misheard intention "sometimes we hunt
and sometimes we pray"....The "and" was intentionally added to slow down the pace a slight bit while singing it... I'm not sure the words do what I intended....but that's why I wrote them that way...

Jolie - I had some issues with "sweet honey of fame"...I guess the sweet was trying to bring it more to the senses...I could dig a little deeper, but I kinda like the way the phrase itself scans...
"dimming love's flame" was a sentiment that I wanted to include but perhaps it could be done more elegantly....Thanks for the crits....I need to mull it over a bit...

Paul - Thanks for the insightful feedback.   It seemed like "future"-singular made it a little more personal....a little more in the head of the listener....rather than a more general observation....The "ringing, by chance of a small telephone"....intentionally solidifies the more distant influences that shape us into the caprice of the moment....embodying how small unexpected events transform our lives....I know it sounds awfully intellectualized...but that was my intention...

HTM - Thanks for comments..I explained my reasoning in the first reply (to Scott).... for the hunt and prey lines...If a lot of people have an issue, I guess I'll have to revisit it....As always, thanks for your time and insightful comments....

Vicki - Thanks...I too hear it as more of a reflective slow to mid tempo piece...I think the counterpoint between the verses and chorus will be the most fun!!

igg

[Vintage54]

    Hello igg,

    Quality once again, really hard to knock. I'm not gonna pick out lines that i think may be inferior, after all not every line can be a killer. If i thought any were really bad, that's a different matter, but none fall into that category. Your standard is high, and that's good, makes us all strive harder, keeps us on our toes.

                             Yep!
                               Vintage54