[jamesh]

Hi All


After a frustrating year off due to having an extension on the house built, I've now got the keyboard and the computer out of storage and at last have my very own music room for the purpose.

This song is a rather bitter and twisted effort about an abusive relationship. The song has stayed in my head for the last 22 years or so as I always rather liked the tune even if I've long since forgotten the awful feelings that inspired it. I've updated the lyrics a bit as I'd barely started song writing when this song first came to me and I guess they are still a bit basic.

As usual, the vocals are somewhat challenging for me, but I would love to here your views on the song and also the mix as I've been messing around with mastering and never seem to get it to sound right away from the monitor speakers.

Thanks

James

https://soundcloud.com/james-homewood/thorns


Cut down these thorns and build me a home
And I will be happy with you, she said
But if you defy me, Ill throw the first stone
Ill take all I gave you and leave you alone

You can support me, and Ill be ok
And when I dont need you, Ill throw you away
You have my problems, and Ill have your life
Find me the answers and Ill be your wife


Out of the darkness the path became clear
Then without thinking I fell down again
again, again

Ill be your angel, the one you admire
And you will surrender to what you desire
You can carry on living, under command
And you will adore me Just as I planned

I need you completely, There's no compromise
Forget those who doubt me, who say that I lie

[fischermans]

Hello James, I like what you have done.Singing is good for me. I'm wondering if a bass line could add more brightness. Well done
Alexander

[Jamie]

Hi James, listening on an iPad so not the best sound, but for me the mix and production sounded good. Nice synths well played. Made me think a little of Jon and Vangelis with your vocal register. Nice melody and good harmonies. Enjoy your new room!
Nice one!
Jamie

[ScottLevi]

Hey James,

Glad to hear you're back after a year off, must be great to finally be in a place you can start relaying that frustration into wonderful music. Sounds like you went through a difficult stage, but it's nice that time has allowed you to turn some of them honest feelings into a song.

I really like it, feels exactly how I think you want it to feel - could probably turn the vocals up a little and add some extra percussion to make it an easier listen - but not sure that's your aim.

Good production, meaningful lyrics and atmospheric execution makes it work for me.

[Movin Flavour]

Moving song....got a real 80s feel

Like the electronic pianos.

Nice effect on the vocals.


Sandeep

[mickyplankton]

Good song, but it could definitely do with a bass guitar or similar. Reminds me of Michael Jackson in the better of his later stuff.

[tina m]

I realy liked this ...it had a sort of a grand film theme feel about it ..& i definitely could imagine polishing off  a huge bucket of popcorn while it was going on
the melody was fab I could see shirley bassey belting it out...but you didnt do a bad job yourself...

the synths sounded quite dated like they were played by some prog rock wizard in a sparkly cape!

& this has been going round your head for 20 years? omg it mustve worn a deep groove! maybe you should have some sort of scan? 

[jamesh]

Hi All

Thanks for all of your comments. Its always a scary thing for me (maybe all of us) to submit a song for feedback. This one remained on a sheet of A4 in the shed and the tune in my head for all this time, so you are the first to hear it.

The dated synth sound occurred after flicking through several 100 that sounded less appropriate. Its similar to a Pink Floyd synth sound. I have to be honest, I couldn't really play the solo - drag and drop helped me out there.

The bass: well it seems to have disappeared on the Soundcloud version. It was quite deep and obvious on the monitors. I want to make the track sound as well rounded on Soundcloud as it does straight out of Cubase.

Thanks again


James

[kevysc]

Wow, the bitterness is dripping from those lyrics, love it!

I can definitely hear the Pink Floyd influence and the chord changes keep the interest. Agree with the comments about increasing the Bass sound, but it's a still a great listen

Kevin

[Neil C]

James,
Sounds good to me, a bit like a stage song with the catchy vocal and keys on Am to G chords, which remind me of something but I can't remember what..
Super synth solo too.
 
Neil

[IronKnee]

Hey there, James............I love the lyrical concept. The music was really nice, while the singing could use a little more work. It could be a lack of melodic direction as to where the polish needs to be applied, but the singing did not really deliver the lyric, as I think you intended.
But, as I said, the music was very fluid and fresh, with a production that I can only envy 
Take care....and see ya around the board!
                                                        -Tom

[jamesh]

Hi Tom (IronKnee)

I appreciate the honesty. Yes, singing is not my strong point, but somebody's got to do it! I might see if I can find a willing forum member to have a crack at it. - Anyone?

I cant dance either


James

[Skub]

Hi James.

Very cool/bitter song. I like your voice a lot,it reminds me slightly of early Syd Barrett.

Strong lyrical content.

[richmon]

Hi James, 22 years of fermentation has paid off. Nice retro feel. Easy lilting melody with balanced mix. Only criticism is the finish which sounded a little 'unfinished' Great effort though.

Richard

[MartynRich]

If you can sing it with this bitterness after 22 years, Im definitely glad I don't know the other person...

I really like this...it does have a kind of progressive influence in there, without the rock bit, but some of the changes and melodies reminded me a little of Queen for some reason. The production is great although there is loads of scope here to do more...and your voice fits it perfectly. Well done!