[ShinyThang]

Open source Lyric?

Binladeda posted this great guitar groove in the collaboration section

https://soundcloud.com/binladeda/full-english/s-nOUeW 

http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=11940.0   (original thread)

He was asking for lyrics and a singer. I've got theses lyrics which, in my mind do work with the music (start singing 8 bars after the very first guitar note) and, as far as they go I wondered if anyone wanted to add to them in a kind of 'open source' way? I don't mind a bit of change either. I think Bin had a different idea of the general direction of the lyrics and I did want to steer them more towards a parody on a 'greasy spoon' cafe. If you're interested and want to know our thoughts on what's missing then please PM either of us but I thought it would be interesting to see what might come up unguided.

Full English

<verse>
Met her on a Friday in the take-a-way queue
She said leave that kebab I've something better for you
I've got a party all planned and you're gonna be tested
We could start it right here but we might get arrested
<pre chorus>
Well she cooked up a scene if you know what I mean
Fried bread, greasy egg all smothered in beans
Flat chips with the crunchy bits double fried
And her home-grown bangers are the best I've tried

<chorus>
She's my full English woman
She's my full English girl
She's got a man's idea of what a good time means
And then she sets him up to face the world ...

<verse>
Back on the road and I'm still heading North
I got a reefer in the rig going back and forth
I got to get to where I'm going in double quick time
So I can bring back the bacon to that woman of mine
<pre chorus>
Oh she feeds me so well I must be going to hell
Black pudding from the blood of the Devil himself
Got his kidneys here too and he ain't gonna forget
But I wolf it all down without a single regret 'cos ...

<chorus>
She's my full English woman
She's my full English girl
She's got a man's idea of what a good time means
And then she sets him up to face the world ...

[CaliaMoko]

I can't think of much to add myself, but I am wondering about the lines

She's my full English woman
She's my full English girl

being too repetitious? And, it probably doesn't feel this way to everyone, but for me, calling her first a woman followed immediately by a girl feels like she's becoming diminished. At first a full-blown woman, and then no more than a girl.

I don't know how you guys feel about it, but I might consider strengthening it (in my opinion) by changing the second line to something like "So much more than a girl" or "Clearly not just a girl" or something like that.

Just my opinion...not enough to get involved in the "open source" nature of the lyric.     

Vicki

[ShinyThang]

Thanks Vicki,

I'm not bothered at all by the repetition but you have made me think a little regarding the use of 'woman' and 'girl' lyrically. The repetition works well for me but then, I have a tune in mind.

Obviously I used 'girl' the second time around to get a near-rhyme for 'world' and it was not meant to diminish her standing. It's interesting though, to hear that some may think of it that way. But a woman might say 'I'm having a night out with the girls' and a man night say 'I'm having a boy's night out'. I guess the words 'woman' and  'man' come with some implied responsibility for the bearer whilst 'girl' and 'boy' suggest less responsibility and more fun. Phew! I didn't think of all that when I wrote it down , I just thought it worked as a rhyme!

Your suggestion; 'So much more than a girl' would work too but reading them both side by side I prefer the impact of the original. I guess that means I'm not sounding too 'open' to change eh? But I think I'm really looking for a third verse and possibly a further twist.