[ScottLevi]

Found these lurking deep in the 'notes' app on my phone. There's obviously a lot left to do but thought I'd add to the Collaboration League in case anyone fancies finishing them up and/or having a blast at using them.

Feedback also welcome.

Damn Right

Keep down the noise in the dark night
Attacks are on the rise in the dark night
Only lights in your eyes in the dark night
And damn right, they're damn bright

I could see you from a distance cos you're that bright
Everything around you glistens cos you're that bright
If you were shooting I'd be wishing cos you're that bright
Damn right, what a sweet sight

Watch the sun rise what a sweet sight
Looking out these eyes what a sweet sight
Living out these joys what a sweet sight
Damn right, and we just might

** Added verses since initial entry

We could do what we please and we just might
Fall in love with me and we just might
Get down on one knee and we just might
Damn right, what a delight

Have a couple children what a delight
Watch the family that we're building what a delight
Growing in to skilled men what a delight,
Danm right, but where's my invite?









Cheers

[Bernd]

It's obviously construed, yet what fine construction it is! I like the picking of the last word of a stanza to create the 'rhyme' for the next. Apropos rhyme: it IS a dare to have the very same rhyme all through a song. I'm not quite sure if and how it will actually work. You obviously intend a different tune in the second stanza which provides for variety. That may well do the trick. With the tune that I had in mind when reading the lyrics* the song seemed to work nicely albeit it would be rather short, say, a minute or so. Musical interludes might either 'save' the song or - on the contrary - spoil the effect.

Cheers,
Bernd

*with exception of the line "If you were shooting..." which would not fit

[CaliaMoko]

Clever! And works very well! No nits....