[Yodasdad]

Hi All,

Been a while since I posted a song in here. Nice to see so many new members with great songs, and the old guard too...

I'd love some feedback on this track if you would take the time to listen.

https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/twice-the-man

Good, bad or ugly, I'm happy to hear it.

Lyrics - Twice The Man © 2016

We've seen it all throughout the years, we’ve felt the pain and shed the tears
through thick and thin and ups and downs, despite it all we held our vows
I’m twice the man when I’m with you
You are my strength you get me through     


We started out in 63 didn’t think that we’d last all these years
we were but kids just playing games, I’m glad some things have never changed
I’m twice the man when I’m with you
You are my strength you get me through


Later on when it’s dark
i will hold you, i will comfort you
And in the end when we part
i will find you i will come for you

We married young too young they said but we knew better than the rest   
we couldn’t fight what we both knew, that you loved me and loved you
I’m twice the man when I’m with you
You are my strength you get me through

A thousand places we have been, a life of changes we have seen.
we’ve had our moments fought our fights but in the end we did alright
I’m twice the man when I’m with you
You are my strength you get me through

Later on when it’s dark
i will hold you, i will comfort you
And in the end when we part
i will find you i will come for you
......

[CaliaMoko]

I like this. I like positive messages and pretty music, and this has both. I don't quite understand all the lyrics in the chorus or bridge--I'm not sure which it is. At first I get the impression it's looking ahead to the couple's twilight years, but then it says, "I will find you; I will come for you." So I think I'm missing something there. Doesn't keep me from enjoying the song, though.

You did a good job (in my opinion) developing a structure to support the message. For instance, a totally cheerful song about everything being totally perfect would have completely consistent rhythms and all perfect rhymes to support that. This song has wonderful near rhymes that support (in my mind, at least) the message that, even in a really good relationship there is some negativity ("we’ve had our moments fought our fights"). Likewise, the rhythms are almost all consistent, but not quite 100%, so the relationship is mostly all sunlight and roses, but not quite 100% (nobody's perfect, after all).

So, what I'm trying to say is, the prosody is perfect for the message. In my opinion, at least.

I have no nits and suggestions for changes. It works great for me just the way it is.

Vicki

[tina m]

youve been married 53 years ?  its left your voice sounding astonishingly young ,,..obviously no rows
I suppose you were writing it about someone else  
it was a lovely romantic lyric of love & devotion.. it was a bit of a power ballad but fast ..can you have a fast ballad? Oh anyway I liked the chorus & the way you cleverly built the song up adding more instruments as it went on
I thought the piano sounded a bit busy going flat out all the way thru ...i think you couldve afforded to lose it at times to add a bit of light & shade
I loved the line:
'and in the end when we part I will find you'
wow that is taking love beyond the grave ...she must be special!  

[Movin Flavour]

Love the piano playing.....captivates the nostalgic feeling of the song.

I like the lyrics and the sentiment are conveyed really well.

Vocals have lots of energy.


Like the backing vocals.

Great song


Sandeep

[ShinyThang]

Really good piece of work. Good performance and a great sound. Love the thoroughly positive feel of this all the way through. Good, uncluttered lyric and interesting build to a wall of sound. I like this a lot.

[mickyplankton]

I'm not a massive one for ballads but this one motors along nicely. It's very radio friendly. Really like the piano, propels the song forwards. Wonder if the drums could be a bit higher in the mix, but that might just be my personal taste.

[ScottLevi]

Jesus, where to start?

First off I love the message, so wonderful and refreshing to hear something so positive, i really hope it's a true story  but find it hard to believe in this age of broken marages. Regardless it's surely not about yourself so bonus points for  great empathy, thats a real skill and you certainly sell it as real.

I think the feedback so far has covered quite well, but I'll reinforce regardless.

Piano is great, and I thought the progression in instruments worked really well, mixing in variety and build up whilst maintaining a memorable and repetative structure is one of the most important things imo and you did a sterling job with this composition and lyrics.

Vocals are great also, maintaining those notes after the verse felt perfectly placed and added a lot to the song. Does have that feel of a radio hit.

Hope you stick around and keep sharing!

[jacksimmons]

Dude, this is great. The second the vocals kicked in and that fresh melody started I knew I was going to like it. Piano sounds great. The music builds perfectly, particularly love the percussion. Is that live drums or MIDI? Because they sound incredibly natural.

A cute theme and some happy lyrics are refreshing. Sometimes I think there's a doom & gloom competition going on among us songwriters. We have to one-up a song about a death with one about a serial killer, then one about genocide and on and on it goes. It was nice to hear a simple love song. Though the songs are nothing alike, tonally it reminded me of Queen's 'You're My Best Friend'. That's another tune with no narrative twists, just I LOVE YOU, DEAL WITH IT.

I would have liked the harmonies in the verses to be louder, they feel sort of like shades of backing vocals at the moment - a little buried in the mix. If they were up close the blend would be much better and I feel like they'd pack more of a punch. I really love the overlapping vocals at the end, but if you were to add harmonies to each of those separate moving pieces I think you'd create something really special. Right now, that's the only thing I feel like is lacking.

I love a songwriter whose focus is on vocal melody. I look forward to seeing more from you!

[lillypilly]

Liked this as soon as it kicked off with the piano

second verse builds up nicely

if there were harmonies in there it was way too mish mash for me not clear at all

did not like the end but only my opinion it was to messy for my ears

but hey really like the sound of it

[Wolfini]

You tell a great story with very natural lyrics. The melody is catchy and fits the storytelling character of the lyrics nicely.

Interesting piano pattern, and I like how you were building the song in the first half. It seemed to get a little too much then though, since you were adding more and more parts. Perhaps it would be nice to take a step back before the final climax to let the song breathe more. I also felt that the low end got muddy later on, probably because the bass and the low piano parts got in the way.

But overall I liked this song a lot and I think with a few little tweaks in the mix it will be stellar!

Bye Wolfi

[shadowfax]

A good song my friend..my only critique would be that the piano should stop occasionally..or at least once somewhere to add a bit of light and shade to the song...
otherwise..good work.

[boolio]

Hi,

Really easy listen from the start and, as a result, (like others have said) it's kind of broadcast friendly The only thing I would say is the piano is a wee bit samey...Vocally though very strong...think I'll have another listen  

Phil

[The S]

I like it.

Especially the chorus. Took a few times listening to it but now I think it's solid.

All around great performance. Catchy song and feel good lyrics. Looking forward to here some more.

S

[Yodasdad]

Hi All,

Thanks a lot for taking the time to listen and review.

CaliaMoko
I think the last 2 lines of Tinam's reply will clear up your confusion. I get what you're saying about the prosody, it wasn't a conscious decision to rhyme/rhythm in that way when i was writing it, it just seemed to work that way. Thanks for taking the time to analyse it and I guess it doesn't really matter whether you plan the prosody or it comes together organically so long as it comes together.

Tinam
Taking on board what you're saying about the piano. Can't hear where I can 'lose it' myself at the moment but when I've got time to relook at it properly I'll see if I can work that in.

Sandeep
Thanks for listening, glad you enjoyed it.

Shinythang
Thanks, I do enjoy a good wall of sound.

Mickyplank
Thanks, I'll experiment with the drums

ScottLevi
No, not a true story as such, just imagining myself or someone else a bit further down the line. Thanks for the positive comments

Jacksimmons
The drums are midi-ish I think. I use the drummer feature in Logic to help out with this. You can basically get loops/patterns that you can manipulate and convert into midi tracks which I then edit and tweek to fit. I'm not actually sure whether the original loops are programmed from base samples or recorded as grooves. It's a clever bit of kit in my opinion. Thanks for the comments about the backing vocals. As I don't like my voice I always think they're too loud and usually end up having to make them louder than I think they should be to compensate for my embarrasment. I obviously didn't go far enough this time.

Lillypilly
Thanks for your comments.

Wolfini
Thanks, I'll take your comments on board when I get round to having another look at this.

Shadowfax
Thanks for your input. I'll certainly consider where I can edit the piano part when I re-look at this.

Boolio
Thanks, you're not the first to mention the piano so I'll take a look at it.

The S
Thanks, I'll have another one along in due course.

Yodasdad

[pompeyjazz]

This kicks in straight away. The song has a happy vibe I thought. It reminded me in some ways of Billy Joel / Dean Freidmann. The melody is very strong which I love. Lyrics are well thought out and presented. It's the sort of song that I was singing along to well before the end. Excellent work

John