[CaliaMoko]

EDIT: I updated the song by changing the lines around in one verse and making the final three choruses more consistent (and getting rid of that last "them"). And diademgrove added some "slap back" for me (never heard the term before!). The new version is now posted at the link.

Here's my entry! Ta da, and all that!

This is a 1+1. I experimented a little. I figured a spooky theme was the perfect place to try something new. I added reverb to give it some chills. And I used my "new" electric guitar and added tremolo to it. I saw an "effect" in Audacity and tried it out.

I tried adding a bass line, but I mucked it up a lot. I only allowed two tries (more than two times starting and stopping the recording, though...I worked on one try a bit, then deleted the whole bass track and tried again. Ended up deleting the track again.

I thought about fading out at the end, which is why there are three choruses (besides the fact it is so short), but changed my mind.

Feedback ideas: should I have faded out at the end? Too much reverb? Tremolo? Are the words okay? Any ideas for improvements? I know the production can be muchly improved by someone who knows what they're doing. I also thought about adding some eerie vocal effects but couldn't figure out what, exactly, so ideas in that area are also welcome.

Here's the link: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/how-did-they-get-here

Here's the lyric:

HOW DID THEY GET HERE
Copyright © 2016 Vicki Faye

VERSE 1

The big moon shines from a blackened sky
On a parade of my ancestors passing by
There's great granny Jane and her husband John
He died before my daddy was born

CHORUS 1
How did they get here; what do they want
Are they looking for someone to haunt
How did they get here; what do they want
Are they looking for someone to haunt

VERSE 2
The shrieking of ghosts fills the night with fear
The cackling witches on broomsticks appear
Then, riding the wind, the banshees arrive
And the spector of death with his menacing scythe

CHORUS 2
How did they get here; what do they want
Are they looking for someone to haunt
How did they get here; what do they want
Are they looking for someone to haunt

BRIDGE
It's Halloween, ghouls and goblins and ghosts abound
It's Halloween, skeletons are rising out of the ground

CHORUS 3 (x3)
Where did they come from; why are they here
Are they looking for someone to fear them
How did they get here; what do they want
Are they looking for someone to haunt

***

The photo is actually my great granny Jane and her husband, my great-grandpa John.  

Vicki

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Vicki. What I love about your songs is your love of melody. This is a lovely song. Sometimes reviewing a song on the forum is very difficult as I start thinking, "The production was great but the song was sort of ok' Other times I think clever production can elevate an already good song to a great song and then you hear a song with great melody and lyrics and its even better. I think this is great and hey those ancestor photos are amazing. I have an amazingly stiff photo of my grandmother as a child in a group in 1901 and a few military photos of her bros as they proudly marched off to WW1 . How are you getting on with the grim Reaper 

[tina m]

I hear your songs as rooted in folk music with strong & simple melodies that are lovely to sing but I realy admire you using the tremolo effect  & the electric guitar here.. bcos that gives it a much wider appeal & sound ...i realy liked it
I would love to hear it with a drumkit ...can you get midi drums for audacity? I dont know much about it

how did they get here? I dont know ...but what do they want? thats easy  obviously to hear our Spooky or What competition!

[IronKnee]

Hi Vicki....I really like the song....it's not that spooky, however.
If the song was simply about ghosts and demons, in general, it would've been really scary 
I think it's hard to be scared of ghosts that you (once, probably still) loved 
Anyways.......cool song, and much applause, regardless.
                                         -Tom

[ScottLevi]

Hey Vicki,

As mentioned your skill with lyrics and melody are really highlighted here and I like how you know that and have made them the focus of the song.

I particularly enjoyed the chorus and bridge "It's haloween" shined.

Wish I could be as constructive as you are, but I think this is a great song. Only thing I could maybe comment is its potentially too 'nice' to be awfully spooky, but is nonetheless a delightful contrast to most of the entries so far.

[jacksimmons]

I really like the natural sounding vib to your voice. You've got a very nice folk-y tone, like Joan Baez, and it's very interesting to hear that juxtaposed with your poppy melody. It's really nice to hear something so catchy, so poppy. I think I'll have the chorus of this stuck in my head for a while.

I would just love to hear this less stripped-down. I feel like your tune would really lend itself to a full band sound. Sometimes I'm reminded of Kirsty Maccoll. I can imagine this fitting in really well on her Electric Landlady album if you layered it with vocal harmonies and jangly guitars.

You mentioned that you attempted to lay down a bass part, but gave up. Have you experimented with DAWs like Cubase, or even Fruity Loops? I think you'd benefit massively from setting a few weeks aside to learn about MIDI instruments. A bit more production on this song in particular, but I suspect on your output in general, would really take you a long way.

Overall, I love the song, just wish I could hear it with higher production value.

PS. Sorry to ramble on about the melody. The lyrics do a great job telling the story. And I think the premise itself is spooky, fun and original.

[MartynRich]

This is great Vicki, I love your voice the more I hear it. Very simple song in a way but with a great sense of melody and storytelling, which is the essence of folk - you nail it. You sound almost like you're saying 'How dare they come around here?' in the chorus, which may not be your intention but that's how it comes across to me. I'm defo not coming to haunt you when I pop my clogs.

I'd love to see you get more out of Audacity though...your songs have loads of room for layers on top on them and it would be great for you to develop this side of things. Fab though and good luck in the comp!

[CaliaMoko]

Hi Vicki. What I love about your songs is your love of melody. This is a lovely song....

Thank you so much!

I hear your songs as rooted in folk music with strong & simple melodies that are lovely to sing but I realy admire you using the tremolo effect  & the electric guitar here.. bcos that gives it a much wider appeal & sound ...i realy liked it
I would love to hear it with a drumkit ...can you get midi drums for audacity?....

Thanks, Tina! Yes, I believe it is possible to get midi drums for Audacity, but I haven't figured out how to do it properly yet. I also have Reaper, and I've tried some stuff with that, as well, but I just haven't gotten far enough with it yet. It always sound just weird to me when I add percussion. Some day, maybe....

Hi Vicki....I really like the song....it's not that spooky, however.
If the song was simply about ghosts and demons, in general, it would've been really scary 
I think it's hard to be scared of ghosts that you (once, probably still) loved 
Anyways.......cool song, and much applause, regardless....

Thanks, Tom! I guess I'll have to say this is for the "whatever" category of the competition.

Hey Vicki,

As mentioned your skill with lyrics and melody are really highlighted here and I like how you know that and have made them the focus of the song.

I particularly enjoyed the chorus and bridge "It's haloween" shined.

Wish I could be as constructive as you are, but I think this is a great song. Only thing I could maybe comment is its potentially too 'nice' to be awfully spooky, but is nonetheless a delightful contrast to most of the entries so far.

Thank you, Scott! I appreciate your comment about the bridge, as I was pretty iffy about that part. I'm glad I decided to include it, but I would really like to make it more like all "screamy". I think it's quite a bit too tame.

I really like the natural sounding vib to your voice. You've got a very nice folk-y tone, like Joan Baez, and it's very interesting to hear that juxtaposed with your poppy melody. It's really nice to hear something so catchy, so poppy. I think I'll have the chorus of this stuck in my head for a while.

I would just love to hear this less stripped-down. I feel like your tune would really lend itself to a full band sound. Sometimes I'm reminded of Kirsty Maccoll. I can imagine this fitting in really well on her Electric Landlady album if you layered it with vocal harmonies and jangly guitars.

You mentioned that you attempted to lay down a bass part, but gave up. Have you experimented with DAWs like Cubase, or even Fruity Loops? I think you'd benefit massively from setting a few weeks aside to learn about MIDI instruments. A bit more production on this song in particular, but I suspect on your output in general, would really take you a long way....

Thank you, Jack. I do my experimenting with Audacity and Reaper. My problem is finding enough consecutive time to make progress. I'll manage a couple hours once and then it's so long between that and the next time, I forget it all and have to start over. But I am hopeful that I will eventually get there.

This is great Vicki, I love your voice the more I hear it. Very simple song in a way but with a great sense of melody and storytelling, which is the essence of folk - you nail it. You sound almost like you're saying 'How dare they come around here?' in the chorus, which may not be your intention but that's how it comes across to me. I'm defo not coming to haunt you when I pop my clogs.

I'd love to see you get more out of Audacity though...your songs have loads of room for layers on top on them and it would be great for you to develop this side of things. Fab though and good luck in the comp!

Thanks, Martyn, and me too. Maybe if I just keep taking baby steps, I'll get there. Even just adding reverb and tremolo and having it come out sounding okay is a big deal to me.

I appreciate all the complimentary remarks so much. They inspire me to keep working at it, and the more I do, the better I get--I hope! I am especially inspired by all the comments about my melodies. I've always felt that words came more easily than melodies, so that means a lot to me!

Vicki

[delb0y]

Great lyrics, with only one nit (see below). I love the rhythms within the lyrics. The melody feels a little happy and jaunty for the subject matter - but that may be just me. It'll be interesting to read others' comments. I like the reverb / tremolo. In fact I'm a sucker for tremolo but have never been able to use it myself - I'm just rubbish with effects.

My lyrical nit - I'd ponder on changing the lines around in this verse:

Then, riding the wind, the banshees arrive
And the spector of death with his menacing scythe
The shrieking of ghosts fills the night with fear
The cackling witches on broomsticks appear

To me, the ghosts, then the witches, the banshees, and then death itself is a better, and more scary, progression of appearance.

Very good song and highly enjoyable.

[Movin Flavour]

Hi Vicki,


 A great country ballad.....its got a Western feel for me.

Excellent lyrics ...definitely got that spooky feeling.

Makes me think of a video....with lots of black and white photos

Well done


Sandeep

[ShinyThang]

Hooky as they come. This is a good write. A quick glance over the lyric as it started led me to expect a four minute epic but it doesn't even hit the two minute-thirty mark. Despite that it isn't rushed.
I was very pleasantly surprised by the inclusion of my favourite song component, a 'middle eight'. Perhaps that's common in the genre, I don't know but I like it. Not only a musical change but you've used the bridge lyric to establish context.

My only nit (in your parlance) the 'them' right at the end doesn't work for me. Even after many plays I never got used to it. I feel something like this would work better for the last two lines;


Where do they come from, women and men
Are they looking for someone to fear them

[digger72]

Hi Vicki,

You have a great ear for writing melody, and a very nice way of delivering it.
Really liked the lyrics. Fits the comp very well in a stylish way.

I too would like to hear a more produced/developed version, though the stripped down one it great in its own way.

Digger

[CaliaMoko]

Some great and very helpful comments coming in!

Great lyrics, with only one nit (see below). I love the rhythms within the lyrics. The melody feels a little happy and jaunty for the subject matter - but that may be just me. It'll be interesting to read others' comments. I like the reverb / tremolo. In fact I'm a sucker for tremolo but have never been able to use it myself - I'm just rubbish with effects.

My lyrical nit - I'd ponder on changing the lines around in this verse:

Then, riding the wind, the banshees arrive
And the spector of death with his menacing scythe
The shrieking of ghosts fills the night with fear
The cackling witches on broomsticks appear

To me, the ghosts, then the witches, the banshees, and then death itself is a better, and more scary, progression of appearance.

Very good song and highly enjoyable.

Point taken about the undue happiness of the melody...I'm hoping the minor key offsets it enough. Thanks for the compliments. And the keen observation regarding the verse for which you made the perfect suggestion. I will be swapping the first two lines with the last two lines to fix that.

Hi Vicki,


 A great country ballad.....its got a Western feel for me.

Excellent lyrics ...definitely got that spooky feeling.

Makes me think of a video....with lots of black and white photos

Well done

Hmmm, hadn't thought of it as country, but now you've said it, I can see why. Video with black and white photos...oooo, I think I might be able to do that. Eventually. If I get it done, I'll post an update. It'll likely be awhile, though. It's a great idea!

Hooky as they come. This is a good write. A quick glance over the lyric as it started led me to expect a four minute epic but it doesn't even hit the two minute-thirty mark. Despite that it isn't rushed.
I was very pleasantly surprised by the inclusion of my favourite song component, a 'middle eight'. Perhaps that's common in the genre, I don't know but I like it. Not only a musical change but you've used the bridge lyric to establish context.

My only nit (in your parlance) the 'them' right at the end doesn't work for me. Even after many plays I never got used to it. I feel something like this would work better for the last two lines;

Where do they come from, women and men
Are they looking for someone to fear them

Thanks, Shiny! I have never quite been comfortable with the "them" at the end, but I thought maybe I could get away with it. I've seen/heard similar done before and it worked okay, but since you also noticed it, I think not, in this case. So I'll be working on something better for that part.

I had never heard the term "middle eight" before I joined the forum, and I'm beginning to understand--I think--it's another term for "bridge"...? I almost didn't include one, but I decided there should be one, so I came up with that. I would like that part to get a little wild, though. I'm not good with wild. I'll have to practice. I can just hear it it my mind, building up to a scream. Unfortunately, screaming hurts my throat.

Hi Vicki,

You have a great ear for writing melody, and a very nice way of delivering it.
Really liked the lyrics. Fits the comp very well in a stylish way.

I too would like to hear a more produced/developed version, though the stripped down one it great in its own way.

Thanks for the lovely words, Digger! I have never thought my melody-writing skills were too good, with occasional exceptions, but I keep hearing that here, so maybe I'll eventually believe it.

Thanks again to everyone for all the helpful and very nice comments.

Vicki

[diademgrove]

Hi Vicki,

first time I've heard one of your songs after reading so much good advice on the lyrics board. The impression I got from the song was a sense of sadness, similar to the film Beetlejuice were the ghosts weren't scary at all but wanted to be.

Followed with the feeling that the singer is pleased to see them. As a result the song really works for me.

You asked for some advice on the ending. I like it and think it works really well. The image in my head is one of the ghosts slowly retreating in disappointment they haven't frightened anybody.

I started with audacity and moved onto a lite version of Cubase that can with my Audio Interface. I haven't used Audacity in years and progressed to more complete versions of Cubase which I like. Although you do need a lifetime to understand and be able to use everything its capable of.

The lite version allows you to program a large number of drum kits. I found it fairly easy to get a basic drum pattern with bass drum, snare and high hats. It comes with a variety of other instruments that you can us as well.

YouTube have loads of Cubase lesson if you are interested in seeing what's on offer.

My only real problem with your production was the lack of low end, or bass. That may be my system though.

Good luck in the competition.

Keith

[CaliaMoko]

Thanks, Keith. I like the story you get from the piece. I can't say that's how I was thinking while writing, but it really fits for me.

You mentioned the lack of bass. You might like to hear tinam's additions to the song. She applied her wild and wacky wonderfulness to my recording and this is the result (https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/how-did-they-get-here-1), if you'd like to compare with the original. I especially like the clarity of her remix, which she attributes to a magical force known as "EQ" and which I have determined I totally need to learn. And she added bass. Among other things (I believe she referred to it as "getting carried away" or something like that). 

Vicki