[ScottLevi]

Ok, my two weeks are up and I have something slightly different.

Still a bit shouty rather than singy, but a bit more structured and hopefully more accessible.

A few comments on the last one regarding adding extra instruments, so I tried layering a few things on top of the acoustic, though just on a trail and error basis rather than with much planning, so let me know what you think of that. I went back to the verses and tried to add bass using the root notes, then messed around a little bit with a really old electronic keyboard in attempt to add a bit of ambience.

Lyrics are again a little angry and inspired by lots of crappy things, somewhat open to interpretation.

Apologies again for the swearing, it's only the one word on the first line, but I couldn't bring myself to change it.

https://soundcloud.com/namelessmc/crisis-1


<sub>Verse 1
Holy sh*t they're gonna go for it
And they'll be underground when they're blowing it
I got fear inside and I'm showing it,
That's why they don't want you knowing it.

Chorus
We're in crisis,
And it's not very nice this,
So say goodbye to your highness,
We all know that they got the finest

Verse 2
Holy crap I think they took your home
If your walking out then you'll walk alone
And you'll only get as far you can throw
So be devastated that we all know

Chorus

Verse 3
Holy moley gonna take its toll
When you're taken out, you'll be taken whole
Any they won't be sorry 'cos that's the goal
And a way to forget everything that you know

Chorus</sub>

[CaliaMoko]

When I read the words I thought, this reads like a rap, for sure. And then you kind of do it like a rap, but the accompaniment is totally not what I would expect for a rap. And I'm not sure if I think that's okay or not. I think I'm leaning a little toward wanting a "rappy" style style accompaniment, with lots of drums and bass and electric guitars and stuff.

I read what you wrote about how you worked on the accompaniment, so I wonder if you were trying to achieve what I was expecting? Personally, I find the production part of writing the most difficult by far.

I like the words and I think you did a really good job of setting them to a rhythm. I wonder how this would work if you just used a percussion loop for accompaniment? It would be an interesting experiment.

Good luck with this!

Vicki

[Movin Flavour]

I can see the structure there.

Just needs a bit of work on the production.

I can see what Vicki means.... It could be a rap, if you change the pace of the song.

Possibly try some electric guitars.... I think Bob Dylan did something similar.

Sandeep

[ScottLevi]

Hey Vicki, can always count on your to good feedback and again you dont dissapoint so many thanks.

Fair comments 're the rap styleabd the percussion instruments, but that's more what I'm used to and trying to  eveolve away from from - looks like I've still got some work to do in the lyrics and vocal execution on that front if it's still shining though.

And thanks sandeep also for taking a listen and commenting is much appreciated, better production and electric guitars are both things I can get behind. I do have an electric about that a friend is borrowing me so I guess I'll try get some practice on that (it's amazing the contrast between nylon and electric thought the transition would be easier but I've struggled to get anything decent come out of it yet)

[tina m]

im sorry scott I dont know how I missed this ? I think I thought it was still your last song bcos they both had a similar title with 'profanity' in it
anyway I liked the extra instrument in this ...i thought it was vibes at first (which wouldve been realy cool) but realised by the end it was a keyboard ...actually at the end it sounded more like my doorbell!  
again the rhythmic way you use words made it realy infectious ...i dont know about rap it sounded more like a jamaican style to me
I do love the nylon guitar approach & think you should keep it as it makes you very original
if only you could record it all better it would be fantastic ...i mightve said that before ,...sorry!

yeah nylon guitar & vibes & the rap style singing would be so good !

[Neil C]

Scott, had a catchy idiosyncratic charm to this.
Good distinction between the verse and chorus. Like the rhyming of crisis with highness..
As tina suggests it a unique style you're developing there.
 
Neil   

[boolio]

Hey Scott,

This is cool! You are developing an original sound/style and that is a real achievement IMHO and combined with the catchiness you build in it's a real winning formula.

Like you said the lyrics are open to interpretation but nevertheless they are in no way 'random' and require/demand thought on behalf of the listener, which I would say is gold dust in song writing terms

Oh and was the final few of keyboard notes inspired by a certain 1970's Sci-Fi blockbuster? I'm not knocking it IF it was but it would make the lyrics make perfect sense to me!?...hey, I know, now I'm thinking TOO much!  

Good Job

Phil

[hardtwistmusic]

This was soooooo different (read that as "unique in a good way") that I couldn't make up my mind whether I liked it or not without two full listens.  

The second listen (or rather the familiarity from the first listen) makes all the difference in the world.  Found myself singing along from about the 2/3 point of the first listen and all through the second listen. 

I loved it.  

[Yodasdad]

Hi,

I think I like this (I've only listened once), there's certainly a lot of potential here and from what i read in your description you seem to be quite early on in your song gritting journey?

We're all at different stages so keep doing what you're doing, learning and developing. I tried to imagine how it would sound with different production and for me I think the chorus particularly would really work with a reggae vibe/backing.

There's a note or two in your keyboard part which I think clashes with the notes on the guitar (the last note in particular). If you want to have a look at this it would be a case of either changing the note you use on the keyboard or the chord on the guitar so that they work better together.

Keep up the good work.

Yodasdad

[ScottLevi]

Hey all,

Thanks for the feedback again, glad you're not tired of me yet and it's all much appreciated, still at the start of my journey but feel like I've made so much progress from the feedback on these songs and from listening to others.

Tina
Haha dont be silly, I'm blessed to have you listen and give feedback, and this did get shoved out of sight by a barrage of outstanding Spooky entries.

Cheers for the positivity again, no  vibe unfortunately (might have to invest in them) but maybe something more similar to your doorbell, this keyboard is one crazy instrument with a whole host of pre-set sounds I dont even know which ones I ended up using.

Also nice to get support on the nylon, it is my most enjoyable though I'm still going to have a crack at the electric as soon as I can be bothered to 're-string it!

Recording quality will come eventually, think Ill experiment with the gear I've already got see I'd I can improve the quality if I record the guitar and vocals as seporate tracks then mix, though I'm sure this will lose something in the process.

Neil
Hey Neil thanks for taking the time and cheers for the positivity around the style, don't think I could change it if I tried so would be screwed otherwise!

Good to hear the change between chorus and verses worked for you also, I'm not too sure if there are guidelines on chord diffences between the two so relieved I didn't mess it up.

Phil
Good old Phil Love the positivity really helps to spur me on! Hopefully you're not leading me into despare might end up quitting my job and trying to go pro

Thanks for the compliments on the lyrics, I did have my original interpretation but it changed so much throughout I thought sharing would spoil, nice to know these worked for you - it is a thin line between ambiguity and nonsense!

It is very hard not to sound sci-fi using that keyboard regardless of the settings I use, but no not deliberate and I dont think inspired by a 1970's film, but it's fantastic that it took you there and you must share which one!

Verlon
Haha that's fantastic, two listens to make it work is fine with me, massive smile on my face to think you were singing along!

Thanks me for the positivity I'll be sure to keep working in hope to get you singing along again!

Yodasdad
Hey, don't think we've crossed paths before pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Feel like I mention it to much but you're right on being new, Ive be done plenty of 'raps' so I'd like to think I'm a little stronger in the lyrics and rythem, but definately still at the start of a massive learning curve with the rest of it, like melody, instruments and structure!

Thanks for the kind words, I love that this forum embrasses all level of ability and doesn't shun away us 'noobs' and instead takes the time in to help us progress.

Cheers for the feedback on the keyboard, I am just winging a lot at the moment (with I could take out more time to do these properly but just get too excited then move straight on to the next one) and its nice to have a good ear to point these things out.