[Graemepryce]

SORRY IF THIS HAS COME TO THE TOP AGAIN - I'M NOT TRYING TO 'BUMP' IT OR GET MORE LISTENS -
 I JUST REALISED, GOING THROUGH MY OLD POSTS THAT I HADN'T POSTED THE LYRICS AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BE SOMEBODY WHO IGNORES THE RULES OF THE SITE. THANKS!

This is my latest offering. I've put it in finished songs because I don't really have the equipment to take it any further at the moment but even if I did I want to keep it to as simple an arrangement as possible.

It's abut my mum who passed away a few years ago, but don't let that stop any constructive criticism. I won't be offended.

I'm sorry it's such shit quality but I will re-do it when I get back on my feet and have decent instruments and stuff,

Anyone who grew up in Liverpool in the 60's or Runcorn in the 70's might recognise some of the pictures!

Hope you all like it anyway. I'll keep my promise of reviewing at least 3 songs for every one that I post later on today.

THANKS!!!!

Lyrics

Honoured to be born of you,
That humble queen of mine.
I have known a love I know,
No other could define.
At the, the end of days how her, her heart it was crystal clear.
Lord I beg of you, keep her safe now,
Now I can only hold her memory dear. I'll hold it so dear.

Honoured to be made of you,
and your steady iron will,
Has made me strong and I'll carry on,
And make me better still.
At the, the end of days how her, her heart it was crystal clear.
Lord, I beg of you, keep her safe now,
Now I can only hold her memory dear, I'll hold it so dear.

At the end of days,
She is the sun, the stars, the moonshine.
Lord I beg of you, keep her safe now,
That humble queen of mine.
That humble queen of mine.

THANKS!

[ScottLevi]

Hi Gaem,

The piano sounds good and the lyrics I read are meaningful (though is probobally worth posting them here as well as in your video). But honesty, it's a real painful listen with the interference(?) on the video and for me took away any enjoyment or concentration on the content.

I looked at your post history and the quality is bettter on your last one, maybe worth using whatever you did that time for now?

Also I did some research on 'budget' microphones not too long ago and ended up buying one of these which I've been using to record my stuff. I found it a nice middle ground between the cheap and expencive and has performed reasonable for me.

[Graemepryce]

Thanks for the advice, it is appreciated.
I took a look at that mic you mentioned and to be honest it's beyond my means at the moment. I couldn't find it for less than about £60, and I'm lucky to have six quid spare each week! I've been out of work a long time now, though as soon as I can get working again and have spare cash I'll get that one or something similar.
In the meantime I did actually find a pretty old mic that I paid £40 for a few years back and forgot about. I've been looking at some programs to try and learn how I can record straight into my computer rather than using my phone too.
If I manage to sort it i might re-record a few of my dodgier tracks!

Thanks for listening. :-)

[ScottLevi]

Hi Geam,

No problem I am looking forward to hearing this again. Sorry to hear your hard times but does sound like we've got plenty to look forward to once you get yourself set up.

Conserning recording software I use Audacity and its been realiable as free software for me, but not tried any others to compare. I did a quick search on the recording section on here and found quite a nice thread which goes through a few different options quite comprehensively so could be worth a read.

[danieltrigger]

Very difficult to comment on this one. From a sentimental point of view, it's great and obviously very personal, so well done! But the quality really is a sticking point, for the reasons you described. But hey, the good news is you clearly have the raw talent which is critical, and gear and studio polish are things that can be purchased later down the line!

[pompeyjazz]

Graeme. There is loads of freebie stuff out there. Check out audacity for free or for fourth quid Reaper which I use all the time. I have a similar ethos to you in that I'm doing stuff on a budget but it is possible. Keep going mate . Cheers John

[MartynRich]

Graeme...there are some good ideas in here. I like the piano riff and the basic idea for the melody but it does need some refinement in my opinion. Maybe you have too many words in there and you should simplify the melody a bit..less is more and they say. Go back through your lyrics and see where you can cut out words...allow yourself to take some breaths between the lines...you may find the song will flow much better.

Don't worry about the production side of things. If you haven't got the means, you haven't got the means. This is primarily a writer's forum and although we all love and comment on a good production it shouldn't be the first thing we take into account in my opinion. The forum is here to help you develop as a songwriter.

[shadowfax]

unfortunately my friend..production values are a factor in showcasing a song..they don't need to be huge, I don't get why this is all coming from the right speaker..just getting it in the center raises the production value immensely,

good luck and keep on keepin on mate..

[jacksimmons]

I love the piano melody here but agree with the comments above that the production really detracts from the track. I also found the vocal melody odd? You were often not in key with your backing at all. I understood what you were aiming for with this, but it feels like it was written in a hurry and as such falls short. The piano is lush - whatever you do, don't get rid of that.

Maybe take a look at some new recording software when you get some extra cash. You can get a mic, headphones, audio interface and the latest Cubase LE + plugins for a £150-£200 with the Focusrite Scarlett Studio set. Rather than buying all your bits separately, I would recommend saving up for that bit of kit. You'll never look back!

[boolio]

I’d go along with some of the comments already mentioned, I really like the piano though but like Martyn says ‘less is more’ with some of the words but hey, I get told I’m verbose so who am I to judge! 

I heard a saying the other day ‘Too close to the mountain too see it’ and I guess we could all benefit from thinking about that…I’m not saying that there’s anything inherently wrong  with your song though... I believe you have the nuts and bolts of something substantial here so keep at it.
 
With regard to not having the right recording equipment the cheapest solution I could recommend is sourcing a second hand Tascam DR 07 Mk2 handheld recorder. It comes with stereo microphones (which perform brilliantly) you can plug headphones in to monitor your recording with no noticeable lag and because it records through both mics it really lifts vocals. It also has a reverb facility, the option of connecting a separate mic and, CRUCIALLY, you can overdub with it. I wish I never sold mine!!

Cheers Phil

I don’t work for Tascam! 

[mickyplankton]

Hey Graeme. It's a lovely song and a great tribute. Made me a little teary. Might also work on an acoustic guitar.

[Movin Flavour]

A very sentimental song.

Loved the piano and the video gets you thinking.

Like others say....the production lets you down.

But overall a good listen

Sandeep

[Yodasdad]

Graeme,

The production level has been commented on numerous times here and I agree with the poster that said it shouldn't be the focus for this forum but I have to be honest and say that if I wasn't listening for the purpose of offering feedback I would have turned it off. I'm getting music from the right speaker only and a horrible low pitched buzz from the left. Listening through headphones as I am, this makes it really difficult to listen to.

I understand you're in a difficult financial situation but I would try to explore whether you can get any better results from the equipment you already have. Not because of any sound quality/production snobbery or anything like that but purely to show your music in the best light you're able to and not deter potential listeners.

With regards to the actual song, you've got an good theme and some good lyrics here. I like the basic piano riff but the vocal melody seems to wander around, often without locking onto a definite pitch. As you clearly have some skills on the piano, I would suggest possibly working out the melody on the keyboard first and then singing what you have come up with. You can always check it against the notes on the keyboard then if you feel you are wandering or going off key again.

Keep at it.

Yodasdad

[CaliaMoko]

As others have mentioned, I suggest looking into the possibility of using Audacity or Reaper. Audacity is free and, while Reaper has a cost, you can use it as shareware as long as you need. It never stops working and it's full featured, even before you pay for it. Reaper is a more "typical" DAW than Audacity. Some people say Audacity isn't even a real DAW. I can't say, as it isn't my area.

I don't know much about production and the technical side of things in general; I am very challenged in that area. I liked the piano, but--as was previously mentioned--the vocal was not in tune with the piano. I wonder if the accompaniment is at the wrong pitch for you? Most of the time your vocal seemed to stay in tune with itself; it was just in a different key than the piano. If you could figure out how to get your vocal and accompaniment both in the same key, that would help a lot.

The words were very meaningful and a lovely tribute to your mother.

Vicki

[diademgrove]

Hi Graeme,

I really liked the photos took me back to my own mother and growing up in Hull.

I don't have a problem with the production or with the technical parts of the singing. Both of which can be fixed with time and a bit of money.

I agree with Martyn though, you have too many words. Laments shouldn't sound rushed. Take out some of the words slow down the delivery and it will sound much better.

This has the potential to be a very good song and a very well produced video.

Keith