[AnitaFox]

Hi All,

I hope you're all well.  Haven't posted any work for a while but trying to get back into the habit of writing.  Any feedback on the below would be much appreciated.  It am imagining it in a slow RnB style. 

Love Stepping

V1
From the day that we first met it was evident
That what you planned for me was far from innocent
I let you take control but that was my first mistake
Cos once you'd taken hold I had feelings I couldn't fake

Chorus
As I take one step closer boy you push me away
We've got this two step playing and this game needs to change
Because my love can't take it, my love it can't take it
When you're always stepping away
Away, away

V2
You've been running rings boy you're keeping me on my toes
Hiding me away like a secret that no-one knows
When we're all alone how much you want me is plain to see
But in the view of prying eyes the story changes, we'll never be

Chorus
As I take one step closer boy you push me away
We've got this two step playing and this game needs to change
Because my love can't take it, my love it can't take it
When you're always stepping away
Away, away

V3
You took to messing with my mind now's the time that I'm through with that
I'm going to walk away, don't cry too hard as I turn my back
We could of had it all but the commitment you couldn't face
And now you're all alone, you're done with keeping me in my place

Chorus
As I take one step closer boy you push me away
We've got this two step playing and this game needs to change
Because my love can't take it, my love it can't take it
When you're always stepping away
Away, away

[midiofnowhere]

Powerful song I like it alot...well formulated

[Miguelrye89]

This is great! With the right melody it will definitely set the tone of the song!

[Neil C]

Hi, good title and concept, well executed.
I imagined it in a slow R&ab style too with reading your comment!
I can hear the rhythm on the chorus giving emphasis on the 'one step closer'.. And repeating on the 'two step playing...'
A couple of minor thoughts, I delete the 'but ' on the third line of the first verse.
And on the last line of Verse 2 I'd be inclined to slim it down a little it's quiet wordy. Maybe something like 'but in public it's like we'll never be'?
Good luck with it and look forward to hearing what you do with it

Neil

[AnitaFox]

Thanks for the feedback, glad it seems to have gone down well.  I get so nervous posting as songwriting is my secret hobby!
I completely agree with your suggestions Neil, it could flow much better. 
Cheers
A

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Anita:  I really like this lyric.  And it's clear that you have a tune in your head.  Without your tune, it doesn't "seem to" flow. . . but one can tell that it does. 

BTW. . . I saw in another part of the forum where you asked whether there was software etc. available for those who don't play an instrument to write music.  I can't play anything, and I write music.  Not necessarily good music. . . but I can always find an accompaniment to bring the vocal in my head out for other people to hear. 

If you're interested, talk to me about the software I use to do that. 

[ScottLevi]

Hey Anita,

No way should this be a secret hobby, you've put something really nice together here!

I like your story which you've kept consistent and well-told throughout and I can see the chorus being really catchy when recorded.

Only slight thing I'd say is that I found it difficult to read this one line in rhythm with the rest (though I'm presuming my rhythm is probobally well off what you envisage anyway) - but thought I'd give you a heads up.

Cos once you'd taken hold I had feelings I couldn't fake

I'd change it to something like "'Cos once you'd taken hold is when I started to break" - which flows more at least in my mind.

All the best, looking forward to hearing a recording!

[AnitaFox]

Thanks for the feedback guys.  Am going to try and put this together somehow.   Hopefully I will be back soon with something you can actually listen to!
Cheers
A

[diademgrove]

Hi Anita,

great lyrics. My only suggestion would be to make the first line of the third verse more direct. I'd suggest "You took to messing with my mind, but I'm through with that". It underlines you walking away better for me.

If you have a melody in mind its always more difficult to make suggestions as you don't know how they will fit.

If you don't think it would work, no problem. I think it'll make a very good song.

Keith

[Caleb Rian]

Hey Anita,

No way should this be a secret hobby, you've put something really nice together here!

I like your story which you've kept consistent and well-told throughout and I can see the chorus being really catchy when recorded.

Only slight thing I'd say is that I found it difficult to read this one line in rhythm with the rest (though I'm presuming my rhythm is probobally well off what you envisage anyway) - but thought I'd give you a heads up.

Cos once you'd taken hold I had feelings I couldn't fake

I'd change it to something like "'Cos once you'd taken hold is when I started to break" - which flows more at least in my mind.

All the best, looking forward to hearing a recording!

Good lyric I agree with the above comment, the flow of that line's a little off.

[Nicolajane87]

Hi Anita,

I love this, great lyrics and good flow, told the story really well.

Nicola.

[CaliaMoko]

I want to document my agreement with the previous suggestions for edits, and I have one to add that will fix a usage error in the 3rd line of verse 3:

We could of have had it all but the commitment you couldn't face. "Of" is a preposition and you need a verb in this spot.

I look forward to hearing it set to music.

Vicki

[AnitaFox]

Thank you all for your suggestions /corrections.  They're all very much appreciated.   
I love this forum. Everyone is so supportive and helpful.
Cheers
A

[lillypilly]

Just a thought it seems quite long but once sung maybe not

My thoughts ditch the first chorus altogether as it is quite wordy already