[Caleb Rian]

I thought I'd submit this lyric for review. Full take can be found

https://soundcloud.com/calebrianmusic/whats-become-of-us

What's become of us?

God you look a state
You said you'd be here about eight
But it's quarter to one
And I don't care who you blame it on
I already know just what you've done
Tell me What's become of us?

Where's the smile gone from your eyes
Am I the one who make you cry
When you're sitting alone?
And who's been calling on the telephone
Is he the reason why you're never home
Tell me What's become of us?

Do you ever stop to think just what you've put me through
After everything I've sacrificed only for the love of you
Bot what else can I do I want you still?
I'll carry this until you walk away
So much I'm scared to say

I'm keep it to myself
Just for me and no one else
I'm happier used
Cos I know I'm not the one you'll choose
But for now I cant bear to lose you
Tell me What's become
What's become of us?

[Miguelrye89]

I like this mostly because people can relate to it. I think with a few tweaks here and there it can become stronger. The story, however, is very clear. I would try to keep a typical verse chorus verse chorus flow.

[Paulski]

Hi Miguelrye89

This is good IMHO.
I like how it sticks to the narrative - the singer talking to his partner and you've supported the hook throughout. Speaking of the hook, it's good (and unique) - but I did wonder if it could be simplified to "What Became of Us?" which is easier to "hear".  I haven't listened yet but assume there could be some minor changes to make it fit the meter of your music.

Nice work!
Paul

[Nicolajane87]

Hi, I like the lyrics a lot, you tell the story really well and a lot of people can relate to it.

Good work.
Nicola

[AnitaFox]

I really like this too.  I look forward to hearing it.
Cheers
A