“I Couldn’t Sleep (Down the River)”

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IronKnee

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« on: September 17, 2016, 08:43:10 PM »
Hello everyone....I have another little 1+1 tune that I hope you all like. All thoughts welcome and, as always, first impressions are appreciated  8)
Thank you very much, in advance  ;D
                                                                -Tom

“I Couldn’t Sleep (Down the River)”
Words & Music by Tom Tognaci

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13184772

I couldn’t sleep, it wouldn’t keep
I lie awake, bemoaned, the shattered, broken man
All I could be is the man that you see
Out from the corners of your restless, roaming eyes

And, as you send me down the river, with broken oars, holes in my sails,
You search the water’s edge, while I float away forever…
…on this raft of glass and nails



I couldn’t sleep, it wouldn’t keep
I lie awake, bemoaned, this lost and hopeless man
I couldn’t breathe, but I couldn’t leave
So, with a shove, you sent me down the river’s stream

And,
As you send me down the river, with broken oars, holes in my sails,
You search the water’s edge, while I float away forever…
…on this raft of glass and nails
…on this raft of glass and nails
"I know the truth, by my struggle against it"
                                                          -IronKnee

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2016, 08:54:01 PM »
I pretty much always like your songs. This is my kind of rhythm, my kind of chord progression and melody. I'm not especially a fan of depressing songs, which this appears to be, but if I ignore the message and just listen to the way the words, chords and melody fit together, it's all good.

I do wonder if you need the word "out" in the 4th line? I think it will work without it and, for some reason, "...that you see out from the corners of your eyes" sounds odd to me. Maybe it's just me, though.

First impressions...this is a "shattered, broken man" going away against his will in great discomfort (glass and nails). I assume there's a woman with "restless, roaming eyes" doing the banishing? I suppose it doesn't matter; it's the mood that counts. And I believe I get the mood.

Overall I like the song. Nice job. I like the 1+1 treatment. I want to learn to play guitar better.... I know, I keep saying that. I guess I need to practice. ??  :P

Skub

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« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2016, 09:09:45 PM »
Hey Tom.

I listened to this a few times trying to figure what it brought to my mind,then it clicked..Badfinger. Very much in the mode of Pete Ham. Wonderful,earthy,raw live feel. Brought back the closing scenes of Breaking Bad when they played Baby Blue.  8)

Thanks for sharing.  :)

shadowfax

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« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2016, 10:34:44 AM »
very raw..very brilliant..loved it, super song and love the acoustic guitar...would def benefit from better production IMHO..
but it's about the song innit!!! ;D ;D
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Binladeda

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« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2016, 01:21:12 PM »

 Got a Led Zep feel from this.....
 Just knew it was going to be good  ;D

 Lovely vocal.  For some reason I kept
 hearing a banjo in there somewhere ;D

 Loved it Tom....every one a winner ;D
 

Nowt as queer as folk...........my gran

IronKnee

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« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2016, 06:48:55 PM »
I pretty much always like your songs. This is my kind of rhythm, my kind of chord progression and melody. I'm not especially a fan of depressing songs, which this appears to be, but if I ignore the message and just listen to the way the words, chords and melody fit together, it's all good.

I do wonder if you need the word "out" in the 4th line? I think it will work without it and, for some reason, "...that you see out from the corners of your eyes" sounds odd to me. Maybe it's just me, though.

First impressions...this is a "shattered, broken man" going away against his will in great discomfort (glass and nails). I assume there's a woman with "restless, roaming eyes" doing the banishing? I suppose it doesn't matter; it's the mood that counts. And I believe I get the mood.

Overall I like the song. Nice job. I like the 1+1 treatment. I want to learn to play guitar better.... I know, I keep saying that. I guess I need to practice. ??  :P

Hi Vickie.............thank you for being the first to comment  ;D I mulled over the lyrics, with this song, probably more the most of my other songs. "Out" was examined, and I decided it was needed to fill the syllabic requirements the melody dictated. This is why my lyrics have a hard time standing by themselves, I guess. I try singing the song without "out" and the melody doesn't flow like I want it to  :P. In the end, I place the melody before the lyric, as evidence of my craft.

As far as your first impressions.......you are exactly correct. But, that wasn't too hard....was it?

And practice, practice, practice...so they say. I never practice. I just play, simply for the joy of it. Even when I first picked up the guitar, it was simply fun, and felt lovely in my arms.
But, I hear what you are saying...I, too, wish I were better  ;D
Thanks, again!

Hey Tom.

I listened to this a few times trying to figure what it brought to my mind,then it clicked..Badfinger. Very much in the mode of Pete Ham. Wonderful,earthy,raw live feel. Brought back the closing scenes of Breaking Bad when they played Baby Blue.  8)

Thanks for sharing.  :)

Thanks Skub for listening and commenting.....I'm glad my tune conjured up such good company!

very raw..very brilliant..loved it, super song and love the acoustic guitar...would def benefit from better production IMHO..
but it's about the song innit!!! ;D ;D

Thanks Shadow....ALL my songs would benefit with a good production. I just don't have that certain form of patience, recording in my house, grappling all the noise this world brings down. I always hurry. Interuptions are what plague my home studio (if that's OK to call it that)  :o
So for me, it is about the song  ;)
Thanks again!


 Got a Led Zep feel from this.....
 Just knew it was going to be good  ;D

 Lovely vocal.  For some reason I kept
 hearing a banjo in there somewhere
;D

 Loved it Tom....every one a winner ;D
 

Hey there Bin.......wow, you hear the same thing I hear, apparently. What you are hearing is the phenomenon that is the only reason that really keeps me attempting to record my songs. It happens, every so often, that sounds appear from out of nowhere, suggesting and pointing me in directions that I normally wouldn't think of. That banjo that you hear is the same one that I hear. The opening guitar seems haunted by a ghost banjo that plays along.
If I work on this song further, a banjo will be written in!
Thanks for noticing......I thought I was going crazy  ;)


And thanks to all who has listened!
                                                                8)-Tom
"I know the truth, by my struggle against it"
                                                          -IronKnee

MartynRich

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« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2016, 10:35:30 PM »
I always look forward to your songs Tom and this one is no exception. I love the guitar playing...it has a great feel with spaces in all the right places. Superb technically and with great feeling as always.

Vocals are great although the production sounds a little dry in places...but that´s for another forum maybe. Overall it is a melodic, emotive piece and shows off your great songcraft once again. Thanks for posting.

midiofnowhere

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« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2016, 09:24:24 PM »
This flows really well and has alot of emotion packed in it

Good Job

montydog

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« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2016, 03:24:13 PM »
Hi Tom,

I think I've liked everything you've posted so far - your material and style is right up my street.

Someone else has mentioned it but I think the Badfinger reference is spot on. It's a timeless song which could have been written at any time since around 1967.

There isn't a lot to it lyrically - it's almost like a charcoal sketch rather than a full oil painting but it's great as it is.

I absolutely love the guitar playing and your voice has a rich, weathered tone which I would kill for.

A lovely, simple beautifully delivered song.

M

Neil C

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« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2016, 08:08:04 PM »
Tom,
Loved the intro with acoustic in stereo
Liking the tune and your vocals, all sounds good.
The only thing i'm less than comfortable is the doubled vocals on the chorus.
Nice and short
 :)
Neil

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man of simple pleasures

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« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2016, 08:18:34 PM »
great stuff!
fly away and find my peace of mind...

https://soundcloud.com/man-of-simple-pleasures/tracks

IronKnee

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« Reply #11 on: September 26, 2016, 01:06:01 AM »
Quote from: MartynRich on September 19, 2016, 10:35:30 PM
I always look forward to your songs Tom and this one is no exception. I love the guitar playing...it has a great feel with spaces in all the right places. Superb technically and with great feeling as always.

Vocals are great although the production sounds a little dry in places...but that´s for another forum maybe. Overall it is a melodic, emotive piece and shows off your great songcraft once again. Thanks for posting.


Thank you soooo much M&R.......I am very happy that you like my song. My productions and recordings, however, will always be full of my personal inequities, as long as I am doing the recording   :P
Thanks for stopping by!

Quote from: midiofnowhere on September 20, 2016, 09:24:24 PM
This flows really well and has alot of emotion packed in it

Good Job


And that's what it's all about, with me......Thanks, midi  ;D

Quote from: montydog on September 21, 2016, 03:24:13 PM
Hi Tom,

I think I've liked everything you've posted so far - your material and style is right up my street.

Someone else has mentioned it but I think the Badfinger reference is spot on. It's a timeless song which could have been written at any time since around 1967.

There isn't a lot to it lyrically - it's almost like a charcoal sketch rather than a full oil painting but it's great as it is.


I absolutely love the guitar playing and your voice has a rich, weathered tone which I would kill for.

A lovely, simple beautifully delivered song.

M


Thanks, Monty..........I really appreciate all the encouragement...especially, the comment on my voice. For the longest time, I absolutely hated my singing.........I'm comfortable with it now; and, that's thanks to you and everyone else who has commentated favorably on my voice   :)
Thanks again, Monty!

Quote from: Neil C on September 21, 2016, 08:08:04 PM
Tom,
Loved the intro with acoustic in stereo
Liking the tune and your vocals, all sounds good.
The only thing i'm less than comfortable is the doubled vocals on the chorus.
Nice and short
 :)
Neil




Hi Neil....thanks for stopping by! I thought the chorus needed a little more Undecided, so I made my attempt  Embarrassed
I could eliminate it for a 1+1, if I ever needed it to be  Cool
Thanks, Neil!

Quote from: man of simple pleasures on September 21, 2016, 08:18:34 PM
great stuff!


Great comment................thanks, MOSP!!   ;D

And thanks to all who have listened!!

                                                                8)-Tom
                                                        
« Last Edit: September 26, 2016, 01:09:32 AM by IronKnee »
"I know the truth, by my struggle against it"
                                                          -IronKnee

Paulski

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« Reply #12 on: September 26, 2016, 01:24:54 AM »
Hey Tom

Beautiful opening with the accoustic - what a talent on that axe :)
Vocals up to your usual high standards.
Lyrics were a bit lost on me - but sound like they mean sth which is all that matters. :)
Would love to hear this done in a pro studio. You have the chops!

Paul

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #13 on: September 26, 2016, 07:17:54 AM »
Hi Tom, I really look forward to listening to your songs and must have missed this earlier. I think that this is one of my favourites of yours. You've conjured up a very atmospheric piece here. Lovely  :)

boolio

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« Reply #14 on: September 26, 2016, 08:23:32 AM »
Really like this. Powerful lyrics economically phrased. Very atmospheric and conveyed the concept of a whole person being emotionally cast adrift as so much flotsam/jetsam perfectly and all wrapped up in fabulous guitar and vocal work.
I think the fact it sounds ‘unproduced’ actually adds to this song by underlining the ‘broken man’ theme - just my honest opinion.
Great work
Phil
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