[TheJanitor]

I work as a cleaner/janitor at a very prestigious music school in London. As i'm unable to afford the tuition i choose to do a manual cleaning job at the school to be as close to the music as possible and pick up what i can. When i clean at night sometimes i write on the piano in one of the studios when no ones around. This is the result of one of my shifts. I'm unable to give my name, or the school on fear of losing my job and being exposed. I hope you enjoy this demo. I apologise for the quality, it was recorded directly into an iPhone.

Let me know what you think, the lyrics will change in the bridge, i sing the first words that come to me, and they happened to be these.

Lyrics
I was a teenage runaway
I never heard a sound
So i killed my heart from loving you
and i never turned around

Bridge
And then i find you here
waiting for me
you know i found you here
waiting for me

Chorus
Don't say that you are gonna be mine if you,
hang around all night with the boys in blue
who've only got one thing in mind for you
seasons change and you'll awake to find that i have gone
and you don't look the same, and all the wars we won were all in vain.

https://soundcloud.com/user-29190878/how-i-won-the-war

[delb0y]

Welcome to the forum, Janitor. I'm not sure I get the lyrics - but if they were the first ones that come to mind then that's cool. The melody and your voice is great, more than great, - well worth working up a better version once you get the opportunity.

Hope you stick around and post some more 

Cheers
Derek

[diademgrove]

Very impressive, have you got a second verse?

A couple of thoughts came to me. I like the bridge but feel it should be in the past tense, so, for example, it could read,

"that's when I found you here". Its the same number of syllables so it doesn't disturb the rhythm of the melody.

The only other thing was the reference to the boys in blue. It just seems to come from nowhere. There's no explanation as to why she's hanging around with them and why it should end your relationship. Perhaps you could put in a second verse after the first bridge. The second bridge could then reverse the perspective so you are found waiting for her. The chorus then reinforces the end of the relationship.

Feel free to ignore my suggestions if you disagree.

Great beginning. Look forward to hearing how it develops.

Keith

[TheJanitor]

Thank you both, it's appreciated