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"Standing on the Starting Line" (Piano) (Performance)

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Day2Take1

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« on: August 29, 2016, 01:33:24 AM »
Have you ever been lead on? Gotten mixed signals? Felt ever confused by a woman, or a man as far as their intentions are concerned intimately? Thats what this song is about.


You say you're not ready, but you're standing on the starting line
Rev your engine, flash your lights, The tension before the crime.
I push you away, but you come back to me like rhyme.
You say you’re not ready, but you're standing on the starting line.

Are you coming
Am I going
Are we starting our love flowing

Are you coming
Am I going
Dancing’s starting my love flowing

Lean close to tell me gossip Lean away from my caress
You show me all the body looking fine in that red dress
I tell you games are what you play, but then you pass the dice
I let the go a winning toss but defeat is this games price.

We’ve come all this way and desires in your eyes
A Beautiful thing to smell and see, but dangers in disguise
We could spend the night loving life away
I know I should be free from you if tomorrow I hope you’ll stay.

Are you coming
Am I going
Are we starting our love flowing

Are you coming
Am I going
Dancing's starting my love flowing

I feel you spinning round
My heads in space feet off the ground
Love it feels like poison gas
I can’t breathe now without your mask
Rockets prepped Just count down
Engines primed fuels sound
LIght the fuse it's time to jet
I don’t know where i’ll end up yet.

Are you coming
Am I going
Are we starting our love flowing

Are you coming
Am I going
Dancing's starting my love flowing





hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2016, 08:51:34 AM »
I like the song, but (to be honest) I'm really mesmerized with how effortlessly you pull that beautiful instrumental out of that keyboard.  I'll listen to the song again later.  For now, I'm really just enjoying the performance on the keys. 

www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

Movin Flavour

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« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2016, 09:12:23 AM »
Definitely my favourite of your songs.

Am feeling that Latin vibe.....goes with the shirt!

Great how you have bought in the different sections into the song.

You are a great piano player.

This would be excellent live....needs some horns to accompany it.


Sandeep

Buc McMaster

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« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2016, 08:39:23 PM »
The piano seems to roll and ripple like water in the verse, nice.  The refrain (I feel you spinning round part?) with the pounded chords lands oddly on my ears.......can't pin down what it is but it doesn't work for me.  There are some phrases in the verse that are verbally overcrowded and sound squeezed and forced.  To my ear you've done better than this one............

JOdejo

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« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2016, 12:40:25 PM »
I LIKE the piano at the beginning very much! The melody is very good, and then you started singing. I really like your voice, and you sang very fast, which I really like too, but then the chorus came. The "Are you coming", that high note, first I thought it was a bit strange and out of your reach, but as I got used to it, I realized I liked it. The bridge, to the contrary, I didn't like that much. I thought the rhythm of the piano chords wasn't clear at all and I got a little lost. I think that if you change the piano accompaniment, the song would be perfect in my eyes! Very, very good job!
Music explains what words can't

Day2Take1

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« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2016, 07:41:22 PM »
I LIKE the piano at the beginning very much! The melody is very good, and then you started singing. I really like your voice, and you sang very fast, which I really like too, but then the chorus came. The "Are you coming", that high note, first I thought it was a bit strange and out of your reach, but as I got used to it, I realized I liked it. The bridge, to the contrary, I didn't like that much. I thought the rhythm of the piano chords wasn't clear at all and I got a little lost. I think that if you change the piano accompaniment, the song would be perfect in my eyes! Very, very good job!

Thank you.  I think the bridge is the weakest part of the song.  I also agree with @buc It gets wordy in parts.  Thanks for taking the time.  I will say that I have been pushing myself and my voice a little bit.  So I totally agree I maybe reaching at times for heights I may never reach, but that has served me well in the past so I will continue to do so.  I appreciate the feedback

man of simple pleasures

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« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2016, 09:01:05 PM »
is that magic your performing there on the piano haha! some performance that like!
fly away and find my peace of mind...

https://soundcloud.com/man-of-simple-pleasures/tracks

MartynRich

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« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2016, 09:43:48 PM »
Well what on earth have you done to your fridge!!!????? I love the pictures! It´s the fridge from a student´s Uni bedroom. And the shirt! You´re developing your whole rock n´roll persona very nicely indeed  :D

And...so is your songwriting. Almost everything about this works really well, the changes and the melody and the rhythm. Yes you belt it out a bit but we all have to push ourselves and vocally you deliver it well in my opinion. As for the middle 8, I don´t think the change of rhythm works...I would change it and maybe just take it down to a lower rhythm and feel.

The one thing about your songs is that your piano playing IS superb, no doubt about it. However, sometimes I do get a wish to hear your arrangements more simplified...it´s not a criticism but I think it´ll give you and us a better feel for the song. These are only suggestions though, this is really quite good. Well done Sonny Jim!

diademgrove

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« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2016, 07:07:40 PM »
I like the song and also feel the bridge is the weakest part of the song. I think the problem is with the words rather than the music. The number of syllables in the rhyming lines are not the same. As you have a set rhytm in the music it would sound better if the rhythm in the words matched as well. It may sound a lot tighter if the rhyming lines had the same number of syllables with the stress in the same places.

For example:

I feel you spin-ning round n round
My heads in space feet off the ground

If you don't agree feel free to ignore me,

great song,

Keith

midiofnowhere

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« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2016, 01:19:40 AM »
really enjoyed this lyrically, musically and the performance was great!! good job!!

love the line "the tension came before the crime"

you have a great voice and heaps of talent

Skub

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« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2016, 08:59:52 PM »
Yo Isaias.

You've excelled yourself with this one,the best yet I've heard of your music. 8)

To my ears the bridge coming in about 1.59 needs to be less busy on the old joanna,perhaps an organ sound or something that sustains rather than having to keeping busy.