[rightly]

Two years ago I became homeless for a short while.
This was a tiresome and stressful adventure but at least I got this song out of it.

The first performances were quite loud and aggressive
it has mellowed now.

I hope any listener will enjoy it as much as I do.
Criticism is welcome.


https://soundcloud.com/rightly/a-place-for-you

a  place  for  you




See it through for what it is
Don't let sentiment be anything but new
Events fall hand over fist
From mountains of distance with no point of view
Between talking about and having done
There will be a place for you

If the future should come to pass
Y'know most likely, well, I'll be long, long gone
Live suddenly then follow
Though better sense might say stay at home
When certainty becomes all but the rule
There will be a place for you

When you've been pushed, so overdrawn and exposed
You would thank the stars for a place of your own

How with the salt in your eyes
Will you see me when all the clouds are gone?
'May take the white noise of lies
To recover your poise n' your passion
When certainty becomes all but the rule
And inaction would be the way of the fool
Between making a fuss and pressing on
There will be a place for you

Between talking about and having done
There will be a place for you

Home

[Oldbutyet]

You got style Man, thoughts of Richie Havens comes to mind.

Everything about this is great, the way you play the way you sing your lyrics and i do understand what you're saying "but at least I got this song out of it"

You got style Man, really Great song   

[Buc McMaster]

Instrumentally this one sounds very much like Money-Love and it's not too far off melodically.  So for me the saving grace of this one is in the lyric alone......which is pretty good.  Pushed, so overdrawn and exposed is a good depiction of a stressed out soul.

[rightly]

Instrumentally this one sounds very much like Money-Love and it's not too far off melodically.  So for me the saving grace of this one is in the lyric alone......which is pretty good.  Pushed, so overdrawn and exposed is a good depiction of a stressed out soul.

hi Buc
It was the same instrument,  recorded in the very same 10 minutes, even the performer was the same fella, still there are enough differences. The melody is completely different. I suppose we disagree here.
Like the other song, it was a fast write.

Thanks for taking an interest.

[shadowfax]

Richie Havens with better lyrics...well done mate..powerful song..

[rightly]

You got style Man, thoughts of Richie Havens comes to mind.

Everything about this is great, the way you play the way you sing your lyrics and i do understand what you're saying "but at least I got this song out of it"

You got style Man, really Great song   

Thanks a lot oldbutyet!
I looked into Richie Havens. There are still performers I'm unfamiliar with, I need to listen some more to his music.
Thanks for your encouragement!  

[rightly]

Richie Havens with better lyrics...well done mate..powerful song..

Thanks shadowfax. I'm glad you liked it.
That stint of homelessness was worthwhile. 

[Helena4]

Well done on this track, this one of my preferred ones as I go through this section of the forum. I enjoy the lyrics, and I like the fun guitar, it's defintiely got style, though it sounds a bit rough. I like the vocal in terms of tone... but it got really samey eventually.

The guitar part was continuing in the same vein so I was sort of expecting some change with the vocal. There was very little dynamics at all and, although I like the words of the lyrics, perhaps the structure of them was not serving you in making some changes of pace in the song. As in, a more conventional verse-chorus-verse-chorus-middle8-chorus structure allows for 3 flavours in the song - verse, chorus and middle8. This has mainly just has verses, a hook line, and a little bit of variation around that. Which is fine but you need some changes of pace provided by either the vocal, the instrumental or the lyrics. Even if the song is quite relaxed, you don't need a big chorus crescendo, but some change of pace. Dynamics in the vocals, perhaps a pitch change, change in delivery and timing OR dynamics and /or pitch change in the instrumental, or more instrumental layers added etc. OR at least a sudden shock in the story of the lyrics and perhaps their structure. Although there are some different structures in lyrics in the way you've written it, that is only superficial and visual - it sounds pretty much the same.

I also think the emotion of the message is not quite put across fully by the vocal. As I said, it is flat dynamically, but it's also a bit flat emotionally. Perhaps, as much as I've said as I sort of enjoy the lyrics, it's because the lyrics are very very unclear. They give me something to think about now you've said it's about homelessness, but the song never actually evokes the image of homelessness. I know I have put up some pretty vague lyrics recently, but there has to be some point of understanding.

I think there has to be a middle ground here between aggressive and totally mellow. Even within mellow, there is room to be more engaging.

This is all me being hypercritical - but this is why you post things on forums right? I would be doing a disservice to you if I did not give you some areas to improve on. As I said, like the tone, like the instrumental style, like the subject matter and some of your expression of it and I like the mellow feel, but I think you are underestimating what mellow can deliver.

[rightly]

Hi helena4.

I feel quite flattered that you wrote so much in your feedback comment.
You made some good points, I do appreciate it and I read your post, maybe four times.
I'm really uncertain wether you like this song or not. Lol.

Do you have a link to one of your song on this forum?
Listening might help me understand your perspective.

I like my music rough.
 I don't mind songs with more dynamics, especially if they have nothing else going for them.
Dynamics for their own sake shouldn't distract when there are more important aspects involved in the song.

I'm happy with the structure of this particular song. A more unique or playful structure Can be interesting.
In this particular song a more unusual structure isn't necessary.
There was no way I wanted, "at least a sudden shock" in the narrative of this song. 🙂  It would have seemed silly.

My way of communicating, in song, or in any verbal way is not excessively dramatic and overstatement, I find, abhorrent.
It doesn't necessarily bother me when others express themselves this way, there's no doubt some skill to it, it's just not for me.

Yes, the lyrics are somewhat unclear.

I don't think writers n poets can describe sentiment with perfect accuracy, but a lot of fun can be had with trying to do so.
For me songwriting is not about presenting the nine o'clock news.
The imaginative listener (my favourite kind of listener) will, with pleasure join the dots, and to some extent in his or her own way.
In actively applying imagination, the song will become a more personal and gratifying experience.

When I play this live, I dont think I've ever told of the songs true origins. Because the origins are not really all that important.
There is always, always some point of understanding. It can't be avoided.

You're right, there is a middle ground between aggressive and mellow.
 Hmm. I don't know wether you think this song is mellow or aggressive though. I think we agree that mellow can be very moving.


Yes, I'm happy to get criticism. It can sometimes be useful. Well, I did ask for it. 

Ah, now I see, you thought the song mellow.

God bless. P.

[Buc McMaster]

I suppose we disagree here.

Some clarification of my comment might be in order.......
It is mostly the style of guitar played in both pieces that strikes me as quite similar.  The chopped chords, same rhythmic pattern of pick strokes.  I've listened to both tracks several times, switching from one to the other in various places.  To my ear the similarities in the guitar are inescapable and stark.  Yes, the chords may well be different but the style in which they are played is very familiar, one song to the other.  Not to bash your technique or either song.......it's just what seems to be an obvious observation.  But maybe I have bad ears, a distinct possibility.

[tina m]

i like the way you play the guitar  theres a lot of scratching & sliding & scuffing & it all sounds very rythymic & interesting
I like all those extra syllables you put in words ….i mean 'passion' sounds so much better when it becomes 'pa-ha-sho-a-hon-a-hon'....yes give me that sort of passion any day!  
& your lyrics come across a bit like poetry when you sing
the lyrics were good in that they werent obvious what you were saying in them & I had to use my imagination a bit to understand
I was thinking of john martyn while I was listening  

[Skub]

Yo Rightly,I hope ye are. 

I'd love to hear the song played with a band. It does stand on it's own,but there is so much more potential there. Love the lyrics.

[LostBoy]

Man,I like the way you play it sounds very raw and original to me. (please bear in mind that I'm not familiar with anyone who's been mentioned so far in this thread,so I'm not a great fountain of knowledge when it comes to this style. )

Ive listened to a few of your songs now mate and you def have your own thing going on,but what I have noticed (& this could just be me) is that to my ears the guitar is the king in your songs,not the vocal.Im not saying that,that is wrong,as it depends on what you're trying to achieve,but maybe it's something to think about? Or maybe not... I guess for me personally I would want the vocal melody to be the first thing that people remember from my songs,but then again saying that,that IS my main instrument,I can't play anything else very well...hmm...hopefully you get my point on this as I seem to be rambling a bit...

Anyway,I enjoyed this mate,keep them coming.

Cheers
Leo  

[rightly]

Yo Rightly,I hope ye are.  

I'd love to hear the song played with a band. It does stand on it's own,but there is so much more potential there. Love the lyrics.

Thanks Skub!

This song has only once worked on stage, I have played it often.*

*I was getting mixed up with MoneyLove, a different song

I certainly won't be playing it with a band.
 when there's no money involved there's too much organisation and discussion involved.
Alas this is my experience with bands.
 I really don't want to invest that much headspace at the expense of writing new material and advancing with guitar, performance and voice.

I do know what you mean. If you're in a band feel free to cover it.
If you do please send me any results.  

see you!

[rightly]

Man,I like the way you play it sounds very raw and original to me. (please bear in mind that I'm not familiar with anyone who's been mentioned so far in this thread,so I'm not a great fountain of knowledge when it comes to this style. )

Ive listened to a few of your songs now mate and you def have your own thing going on,but what I have noticed (& this could just be me) is that to my ears the guitar is the king in your songs,not the vocal.Im not saying that,that is wrong,as it depends on what you're trying to achieve,but maybe it's something to think about? Or maybe not... I guess for me personally I would want the vocal melody to be the first thing that people remember from my songs,but then again saying that,that IS my main instrument,I can't play anything else very well...hmm...hopefully you get my point on this as I seem to be rambling a bit...

Anyway,I enjoyed this mate,keep them coming.

Cheers
Leo  

Thanks a lot Leo!

I think I am quite original, for better or worse.
I'm often likened to a number of different artists and this is the way I usually get around to listening to new artists. I'm often embarassed this way...
John martyn is amazing. I'll have a blast checking his back catalogue. Richie Havens is interesting too.

Don't tell anyone but I really think after all these years I'm pretty useless on the guitar. lol.

I do get your point with the prevailing guitar. yes, I do want to slow/temper it down a bit and push my voice, and be more inventive with melody. I've been thinking of taking a break and re-asessing with some psychological distance.

Don't worry about rambling too much.You seem to be a critic who can make sense.

All the best Leo!