[Buc McMaster]

Being interested in the American Civil war, I thought an isolated but important engagement might make good fodder for a lyric.  Last night I settled on the battle for Little Round Top, pitting two Alabama regiments against the 20th Maine, commanded by Colonel Joshua Chamberlain, a school teacher before the war.  It's a good story, necessarily compressed for a lyric.  There's a bit of recent history of the regiment, to orient the listener, and a generalized account of the fight.  There is a strictly metered melody that works very well with the lyric.

I have two issues I'd like some input on.........

Should there be a mop up verse?  The outcome for the participants?  Or maybe left told short as it is to perhaps spur a listener to further investigate inspiration for the lyric?  What say ye?

The last line of the chorus is just not right.  Without changing the rhyme for "line", there needs to be a better summary of events......very short and concise......perhaps profound.

Chamberlain's Gambit  © Buc

All through the summer of '63
   shadowing the army of General Lee
Joshua Chamberlain's 20th Maine
   bound for blood and glory......again
At Fredericksburg the winter before
   Confederate guns took thirty or more
Lain on the battlefield a night and a day
   Wounded and dying they froze.......where they lay

C:
Joshua Chamberlain's 20th Maine
Standing the Gettysburg line
Battered and wounded they stand just the same
As does their moment in time

Strong Vincent's regiments arrived just in time
   Chamberlain's boys at the end of the line
The 15th Alabama came four times uphill
   The 20th Maine stood their ground.......still
No shot for their rifles and Chamberlain knows
   The Alabama rebels stand ready below
So it's fix bayonets boys! and over the wall!
   May god have mercy on those.......that may fall

[igg]

Hi Buc,

I admire your direct style and the tight stories you tell...

In terms of the question that you pose ....

Some possibilities:
Joshua Chamberlain's 20th Maine
Standing the Gettysburg line
Battered and wounded they stand just the same
Holding on to (or Holding) their moment in time      continues the theme of the heroic story.
Claiming their moment in time...........Pretty active forceful.. setting up time as a battlefield a bit more than the first possibility.
Defending their moment in time.....A much larger jump...

Just some other thoughts:   The next verse uses line and time again....I don't know if that is a problem for you...Also, you switch tenses a few times....past "arrived" and "stood" to present "stand" and then an intimation of future "may fall"...It might be more compelling to pull it all into the present..."arrive", "stand" to place the listener into the action....

I don't think a summary verse is required

igg

[Buc McMaster]

I think I've found a solution to the chorus problem:

C:
Joshua Chamberlain's 20th Maine
Standing the Gettysburg line
Battered and wounded they stand just the same
As does their moment in time  Shoulder to shoulder through time

This utilizes the same rhyme but reinforces the solidarity of the 20th as a unit and to an extent projects their legacy to the present.

Agreed......the repetitive rhyme in the chorus and second verse are verboten and has been corrected, though perhaps not finally.

Strong Vincent's regiments arrived just in time Strong Vincent's regiments on Little Round Top
   Chamberlain's boys at the end of the line  Chamberlain's boys on the far left outcrop
The 15th Alabama came four times uphill
   The 20th Maine stood their ground.......still
No shot for their rifles and Chamberlain knows  No shot for their rifles, their ranks getting thin
   The Alabama rebels stand ready below  The rebels below stand ready again
So it's fix bayonets boys! and over the wall!
   May god have mercy on those.......that may fall

The first two lines now place the regiment precisely as the left flank of the Union position.  The revision of lines five and six serve to make them more vocally pleasing and better metered.

And I tend to agree that another verse would do the tune no further justice.

Almost there, me thinks! 

[Paulski]

Good stuff - I love a story!

How about:

Holding the Gettysburg line

That way you get a near rhyme with shoulder

Paul