Your Lightning Bolt

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PTCruiser1801

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« on: August 23, 2016, 10:32:08 AM »
Hi everyone,

It has been a while since I've posted anything here...have had a busy busy summer leaving me without much time to write or record!

Here is a new track called "Your Lightning Bolt".

https://soundcloud.com/ptcruiser1801/your-lightning-bolt

It is inspired by people who are there for others in times of need...

Any and all constructive feedback, as always is very welcome!

Hope you enjoy it!

Paul :)

Here are the lyrics:

When times get tough,
And you're feeling all alone.
When you've had enough,
And you can't do it on your own.

There's a storm ahead,
Where everything's unknown.

CHORUS
But then you'll find me,
Out in your darkness,
Blindly,
I'll be your lightning bolt,
Ready to guide you home.

When you've lost your way,
And can't decide which turn to take.
When you feel led astray,
And your body starts to ache.

Clouds are overhead,
And you're just about to break.

Chorus x3


CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2016, 02:58:01 PM »
Hi Paul,

I always like your songs, and this one strikes a special chord with me. In fact, I had a good dream before I woke up this morning that this could almost be the theme song for.

I think what I like best is how the melody keeps out of the way so the lyrics can stand out. I really appreciate any art with a positive theme...there's so much negativity everywhere that we need as much of this type of presence as much as possible to stand against it.

I don't have any real nits. I would probably make it faster, but I'm always impatient and in a hurry and I'm not so sure making it faster would improve it.

Nice!

Vicki

nooms

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« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2016, 08:45:46 PM »
beautiful song
simple and without embroidery
chorus is perfect..

But then you'll find me,
Out in your darkness,
Blindly,
I'll be your lightning bolt,
Ready to guide you home


been written many times in different ways but this is beautifully concise and gently knocked me out..


think the vocal could be a little higher in the mix in places and no disrespect but i do think your milking it a little with the ending..i think it should gently rest or fade ...

but really beautiful song 
i may not believe this tomorrow...

https://soundcloud.com/nooms-1

Skub

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« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2016, 11:03:16 PM »
Hey Paul.

Love the song,like a Simon & Garfunkel from back in the day.

Lyrically and melodically superb,thoughtful and introspective.

I can hear lots of harmonies and stuff,but man it works well as it is.

Lovely,ta for posting.  8)

tina m

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« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2016, 12:07:44 AM »
nice song... very simple & it sounds very simon & garfunkelly (he was the irish one!)  ;D
what were those sticks you were hitting together in the background?
the only trouble was your gentle singing voice didnt sound like you could manage a lightning bolt
maybe a swan vesta?  ;D

hey you know ive reviewed 3 of your songs & youve never bothered to listen to one of mine
thats the trouble with forum hopping getting as much attention for your own music as you can ..nobody elses matters
dont review my song now

Tell me Im wonderful & I ll be nice to you :)

Buc McMaster

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« Reply #5 on: August 24, 2016, 04:05:46 PM »
Well done!  The voice does get lost in the instruments here and there but that's just production.  Lyrically clever.  And as mentioned, it has a Bridge Over Troubled Water message and feeling.

MartynRich

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« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2016, 05:03:31 PM »
Hi Paul

Has someone mentioned Simon & Garfunkel? Oh right.

Very nice, definitely the best I have heard from you. You've also branched out into multi-tracking I think because I can't remember hearing percussion on your songs before. It works really well. As others have said, the voice could be slightly higher but apart from that I think the whole thing works superbly. Fantastic song.

IronKnee

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« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2016, 06:53:43 AM »
Nice song PT............The entire piece was very nicely written. I would have appreciated the vocals to sing with a little more force and urgency  ;) I think this would work even better, if the vocals were worked on, and sung with some conviction.
Good song......really liked it
                                                       8) -Tom
"I know the truth, by my struggle against it"
                                                          -IronKnee

Movin Flavour

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« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2016, 08:42:37 AM »
Nice melodic song.

Lovely guitars .....

only thing I'm not convinced about is the being the persons lightning bolt.Something like "ray of light " feels like a better fit or someone's rock or....just a thought.

Lots of potential


Sandeep


montydog

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« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2016, 03:52:26 PM »
Nice guitar picking and a lovely melody married well to the lyrics. Lyrics are pretty generic but it works. Vocals could do with a bit more authority but overall it's pretty song well played and delivered.

M

PTCruiser1801

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« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2016, 04:29:00 PM »
Hi everyone,

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to listen and comment on this song. I know it takes time and effort to do so and it doesn't go unappreciated by me. Thanks to everyone else who listened but maybe didn't have the time to comment...or felt there was nothing to comment.

Vicki-Thanks for all that you have said. I thoroughly agree with what you say about the overwhelmingly negative feel in a lot of art (including most of my own songs!!). I set out to write this song as a happy track and I am glad to see that it comes across that way to you. Thanks again :)

Nooms- Thanks very much for your kind words. I am so pleased you like thee chorus...it is my favourite part of the song and the one that flowed quickest when writing it. You're right...I definitely milked that ending and after repeated listens I feel your idea of a fade out is far superior! I will be doing that in the next recording/edit of this track. Cheers :)

Skub- Cheers man. I am really pleased you liked the song and to be mentioned in the same sentence as Simon and Garfunkel is ridiculous to me! I really appreciate that! I've been hearing some harmonies myself on this track lately and hope to incorporate some soon...if I ever get the time!! Thanks a million :)

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2016, 07:25:04 AM »
Hi Paul,

I like this. The guitar and vocals are both very intimate without being overwhelming. There are some nice little touches like the Mandolin (is it a Mandolin ?) and the background Xylophone. My only little nit would be that I would have liked to have heard the song build a bit more towards the end with maybe a repeated chorus, but apart from that, fab work  :)

John

Craig Watkins

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« Reply #12 on: September 08, 2016, 07:54:18 AM »
Very nice :) wish the recording was louder