[hardtwistmusic]

Hi!
Thank you for your opinion, I'm glad you liked it .

I actually never even tried to think how would my piece sound like if I added lyrics to it. But as you mentioned it, I listened it one more time and you're absolutely right. Though it's an orchestral piece, a vocal cover would fit in perfectly... At least on some parts (especially on the beginning part. It sounds a bit dull and I'm sure a vocal would improve it quite a bit).
And thanks a lot for your offer . I'd love to collaborate. Maybe not with this "song" because it gets a bit more complicated on the second part and a vocal would proabably make everything too complicated (at least in my opinion). But you definitely shifted my view. I will think about writing a new song that would be more suitable for adding vocals... And then if you will like it, I would much appreciate your help (I'm not very good at writing lyrics. At least not English ones).

I appreciate and fully accept your decision to not add lyrics to this particular piece of music. 

I also mildly disagree with your conclusion about he second half (actually the last one third) of your music. 

It DOES get very complex.  Very much like "Bohemian (spelled right?) Rhapsody."  And, like Bohemian Rhapsody, it would require a very sparse lyric which allowed a lot of room for the music to "breathe." 

But it has been my observation that some of the most difficult music to write lyrics for becomes some of the best songs.  (Again much like Bohemian Rhapsody.) 

I'm not trying to talk you into something.  Just lobbying with you not to sell your song short. 

I'd be totally happy to take a future piece of music from you and consider adding lyrics.  Two things would have to happen before I'd be able to commit to that. 

1.  I'd have to have time. 
2.  The piece of music would need to "speak to me" and communicate to me that it "wanted" a lyric. 

That probably sounds flaky, and it probably is flaky.  But I've learned to respect what the music "wants" and "asks for."  When I don't do that, the results are always disappointing.

[ShinyThang]

Brilliant. Inspirational. Uplifting... awful title.

Love this kind of stuff and I've had a go myself to no great success but it is a lot of fun to have an entire orchestra at your command and with a talent for composition like yours it works well.

Some of the 'joins' could be better though, the transition at 4:07 seems to fail to produce the impact promised by the preceding section. In fact, it sounds to me as though you've just cut and pasted the last section on! And the bass trombone (?) re-introducing the strings at 3:00 just doesn't work in my ears. I also thought the side drum was a bit high in the mix but now I'm just trying to find fault!

Excellent stuff. Really excellent and I've played it into double figures now. If I could do this half as well as you i'd be content.

[Nekdo12]

I really like this the dynamics are really great. The first part of the song touches something deep in my heart, because it sounds so tender. And overtime it almost become very ecstatic with a lot of power. Great contrast 

Dennis Vella 

Thanks Dennis
I'm really glad you liked it. So that means that at least someone likes the first part (I didn't think that would happen. Even I myself thought of it as of some kind of forced itroduction that  doesn't really belong in a piece like that). Nice to hear that. Thank you for your opinion

[MartynRich]

This is really good, especially as an initial attempt. You have a great mix of instruments and the piano playing is superb. If like you said, you wanted to achieve a film track style soundtrack then you've got it here.

My only gripe is that it is a little slow to start (after the piano playing) and the bit from 3:43 to 3:48 sounds a little muddy to my ears. However, it resolves itself beautifully after that and I would be tempted to keep the whole piece down from then on because that change is stunning and the following passage is wonderful. I am not convinced it needed to build again.

I am with the others on the title. Personally I sometimes ride to work and it annoys me.

Great piece though and welcome to the forum! Don't be afraid to give an honest, constructive opinion - everything helps us to improve as songwriters.

[Nekdo12]

This is really good, especially as an initial attempt. You have a great mix of instruments and the piano playing is superb. If like you said, you wanted to achieve a film track style soundtrack then you've got it here.

My only gripe is that it is a little slow to start (after the piano playing) and the bit from 3:43 to 3:48 sounds a little muddy to my ears. However, it resolves itself beautifully after that and I would be tempted to keep the whole piece down from then on because that change is stunning and the following passage is wonderful. I am not convinced it needed to build again.

I am with the others on the title. Personally I sometimes ride to work and it annoys me.

Great piece though and welcome to the forum! Don't be afraid to give an honest, constructive opinion - everything helps us to improve as songwriters.

Thanks Martyn for your opinion
Yeah, I was sceptical about the buildup as well. I kinda liked the theme that follows it and I really wanted to repeat it. I guess it really sounds a bit forced. Plus I had a feeling that the piece needed more interesting parts (especially the part you mentioned (maybe combined with piano introduction) seems way too long but I wanted to have a really gradual buildup. I guess I exaggerated a bit
But before I change any of it... I'll change the title. The people have spoken

[Nekdo12]

Brilliant. Inspirational. Uplifting... awful title.

Love this kind of stuff and I've had a go myself to no great success but it is a lot of fun to have an entire orchestra at your command and with a talent for composition like yours it works well.

Some of the 'joins' could be better though, the transition at 4:07 seems to fail to produce the impact promised by the preceding section. In fact, it sounds to me as though you've just cut and pasted the last section on! And the bass trombone (?) re-introducing the strings at 3:00 just doesn't work in my ears. I also thought the side drum was a bit high in the mix but now I'm just trying to find fault!

Excellent stuff. Really excellent and I've played it into double figures now. If I could do this half as well as you i'd be content.

Hi, ShinyThang.
Really, really encouraging to hear that. Though you exaggerated quite a lot. We could debate on my actual talent (this song was made completely by experimenting... With writing every inch of it over and over and over again... )

And thanks alot for your opinion. You really provided a lot of helpful information I agree with you about the transition part. After the buildup you somehow expect something more... Epic? Intimidating? (Can't find the right word). The thing was that I really wanted to add that theme. And I thought that the modulation would make it more iteresting... The result is that it sounds as if it was simply pasted in. And yeah, the trombone introduction sounds a bit like a cliche...

Anyway, thanks once again for your reply. I'm really glad you liked the song

[Nekdo12]

Hi!
Thank you for your opinion, I'm glad you liked it .

I actually never even tried to think how would my piece sound like if I added lyrics to it. But as you mentioned it, I listened it one more time and you're absolutely right. Though it's an orchestral piece, a vocal cover would fit in perfectly... At least on some parts (especially on the beginning part. It sounds a bit dull and I'm sure a vocal would improve it quite a bit).
And thanks a lot for your offer . I'd love to collaborate. Maybe not with this "song" because it gets a bit more complicated on the second part and a vocal would proabably make everything too complicated (at least in my opinion). But you definitely shifted my view. I will think about writing a new song that would be more suitable for adding vocals... And then if you will like it, I would much appreciate your help (I'm not very good at writing lyrics. At least not English ones).

I appreciate and fully accept your decision to not add lyrics to this particular piece of music. 

I also mildly disagree with your conclusion about he second half (actually the last one third) of your music. 

It DOES get very complex.  Very much like "Bohemian (spelled right?) Rhapsody."  And, like Bohemian Rhapsody, it would require a very sparse lyric which allowed a lot of room for the music to "breathe." 

But it has been my observation that some of the most difficult music to write lyrics for becomes some of the best songs.  (Again much like Bohemian Rhapsody.) 

I'm not trying to talk you into something.  Just lobbying with you not to sell your song short. 

I'd be totally happy to take a future piece of music from you and consider adding lyrics.  Two things would have to happen before I'd be able to commit to that. 

1.  I'd have to have time. 
2.  The piece of music would need to "speak to me" and communicate to me that it "wanted" a lyric. 

That probably sounds flaky, and it probably is flaky.  But I've learned to respect what the music "wants" and "asks for."  When I don't do that, the results are always disappointing.

I understand that and I didn't want to force you into anything. I really don't want to steal your time and I really don't want you to bother with song that you don't like from the start or that you don't find inspirational.
I agree with you that some songs are very complicated as well (Bohemian rhapsody is a perfect example...) But I'm still a bit skeptical about this "song". I think that song with vocals should be planed ahead... Or this might just be my subconsciousness being afraid of venturing into the waters of actual song-writing. Anyway, you said you got some ideas when listening to my song. I really wonder what you came up with because nothing comes into my mind when listening to it.

[Neil C]

Nice track enjoyed it. Clever with the marching drums  and the general build to dramatic ending.
Please note I no nothing technically about classical music so my comments may be way off. So to your point about arrangement and melodies you do have a few running through. The piano intro is nice and then you have the string their counter melody up to 2.10. Then you have a 'middle eight' as you bring it down. Then back big and luscious. Then at 3.55 you go off in a different direction and its at 4.06 where i think you need to come back to your earlier melodic theme for the ending rather than this second peice which repeats the 'middle eight'
You are so effective in creating this epic soundscape that i had visions of ariel wide screen images of war, I dont know Hannibal making his way through the Alps or similar, so something that brought it back down to a much quieter ending would suit the title, because at the moment I'm thinking WAR, not not riding for victory.
Anyway sorry this is a bit long, hope it helps and as i said enjoyable piece.
 
Neil




 
 

[Nekdo12]

Nice track enjoyed it. Clever with the marching drums  and the general build to dramatic ending.
Please note I no nothing technically about classical music so my comments may be way off. So to your point about arrangement and melodies you do have a few running through. The piano intro is nice and then you have the string their counter melody up to 2.10. Then you have a 'middle eight' as you bring it down. Then back big and luscious. Then at 3.55 you go off in a different direction and its at 4.06 where i think you need to come back to your earlier melodic theme for the ending rather than this second peice which repeats the 'middle eight'
You are so effective in creating this epic soundscape that i had visions of ariel wide screen images of war, I dont know Hannibal making his way through the Alps or similar, so something that brought it back down to a much quieter ending would suit the title, because at the moment I'm thinking WAR, not not riding for victory.
Anyway sorry this is a bit long, hope it helps and as i said enjoyable piece.
 
Neil




 
 

Hi, Neil
Thank you for your opinion
You said you know nothing technically about classical music? Well that describes my situations as well Anyway, you provided constructive and very usfeul feedback and I'm really grateful. Yeah, the buildup in the end is unnecessary and the ending really sounds a bit off (a friend of mine described it as "going to war and accidentally arriving to someone's party.  That theme really isn't expected after buildup).
And why is everyone so against not riding for victory (yeah I know it's a stupid title... It's about time for me to change it).
Thanks once again.

[Movin Flavour]

Good tune.

Would make a soundtrack. Can definitely feel the marching and riding going on.

Love the different sections, but especially love the intro.


Sandeep

[rightly]

I think it works. This kind of music is never something I seek out but I do like it when I come across it.
Welcome to the the forum.

[hardtwistmusic]

Anyway, you said you got some ideas when listening to my song. I really wonder what you came up with because nothing comes into my mind when listening to it.

Your lead in, and first few lines are reminiscent of Toni Braxton's "Unbreak my heart" verses.  (Not in a bad, or plagiaristic way  --  all music resembles something else).          This little snippet (below) of lyric sings to either and both. 


You can't stay under the radar
If you're trying to save the world. 
There's no safe way to change things. 
Sometimes you have to stand up and shout.

You know it won't be easy
You cannot live in doubt. 
But when it comes to saving the world. 
Either go "all in" or get out.
 
The "Go all in or get out" becomes the thematic anchor for the song.  (Consistent with your theme that we're not doing all we can - not "playing to win" - not "riding for victory".    The theme includes "play or fold." 

For me, this part of the lyric is done.  Just needs fleshed out to fit the music. . . whether it's your music or something I write.   The biggest remaining trick is to find a vocal hook that works with the music and shifts gears. . . something to build the chorus around.
   
I haven't looked yet at the final 1/3 to see what it needs lyrically, and I'll wait to hear from you about this bit first.   

[Nekdo12]

Anyway, you said you got some ideas when listening to my song. I really wonder what you came up with because nothing comes into my mind when listening to it.

Your lead in, and first few lines are reminiscent of Toni Braxton's "Unbreak my heart" verses.  (Not in a bad, or plagiaristic way  --  all music resembles something else).          This little snippet (below) of lyric sings to either and both. 


You can't stay under the radar
If you're trying to save the world. 
There's no safe way to change things. 
Sometimes you have to stand up and shout.

You know it won't be easy
You cannot live in doubt. 
But when it comes to saving the world. 
Either go "all in" or get out.
 
The "Go all in or get out" becomes the thematic anchor for the song.  (Consistent with your theme that we're not doing all we can - not "playing to win" - not "riding for victory".    The theme includes "play or fold." 

For me, this part of the lyric is done.  Just needs fleshed out to fit the music. . . whether it's your music or something I write.   The biggest remaining trick is to find a vocal hook that works with the music and shifts gears. . . something to build the chorus around.
   
I haven't looked yet at the final 1/3 to see what it needs lyrically, and I'll wait to hear from you about this bit first.   

I'm honestly starting to understand what you meant when you tried to convince me to think about adding lyrics. With exception of the last third, vocal would sound absolutely awesome (I can almost hear the vocal when I listen to piano intro and read your first two verses).
I really really like what you've come up with. Thematically, they fit perfectly into the song. And I really like the line "Either go "all in" or get out". Even if nothing else happens with it, you just gave me a perfect substitute for the title

So, If you are still interested in collaboration, we could really try and see what happens, (And I really don't want to force you into anything. I fully understand that working on your own project is way more fun than helping or working with someone else where you have limited possibilities).
But there are still a few obstacles. For one, even if you write marvellous lyrics, I have no idea what to do with them. I myself am a terrible singer and I'd really like to spare the world from my monstrous voice . And I also don't know anyone who would do that instead of me. It would be a shame if you invested time into writing lyrics for nothing.
And about the songs structure ... Though each individual section could sound cool, I can't imagine how would those sections form a solid, logical structure. I mean, when you have a song, you usually need a section than repeats a few times (like a chorus). I have a few parts where certain theme repeats, but orchestration in those parts is considerably different and I don't think that vocal would suit into all of them (for example: a theme from  1:54 repeats at 3:00 but there it has more "majestic" orchestration (with different instruments etc.).  Anyway, in extreme case, I can simply open my DAW and change problematic sections (ctrl.c and ctrl.v will probably do the work).

[Nekdo12]

Good tune.

Would make a soundtrack. Can definitely feel the marching and riding going on.

Love the different sections, but especially love the intro.


Sandeep

Hi!
Thanks alot for your opinion . You're the first person that actually likes the intro. I really didn't expect something like that would happen. Nice to hear that it's not as terrible as everyone (including myself) thought.

[Nekdo12]

I think it works. This kind of music is never something I seek out but I do like it when I come across it.
Welcome to the the forum.

Thanks, Rightly. Encouraging to hear that .