[hardtwistmusic]

Oldbutyet posted a song called "drums of war" that I found to be extremely insightful and important.  

Made me think of this song that I wrote around 2012, but have never finished.  Sorry to post two lyrics so close together, but this one became timely when I read, and heard the "Drums of War" song.

                                   WINDS OF WAR
VERSE 1.  
Don’t you feel them?  
Can’t you . . .  feel them brewing again . . .
those old winds of war?                                                                                                  

Don’t you hear them?  
Can’t you hear those waves of anger
breaking along the shore?                                                                                                                                                                                                      

Don’t you see them?
Can’t you see dark clouds of misery
gathering on an ocean of pain?                                                                                                    

And, don’t you know,
they will soon be blowing across the land,
delivering a cold, hard rain.    
                                                                                                                    
CHORUS:  
Try to hear them madam?    Don’t you see them sir?
Can’t you feel those winds of war beginning to stir?

Listen to me.
Don’t pretend I did not warn you of
these coming winds of war.                                                                                                                                                                              

Listen closely.  
You can hear them choosing the causes
your children will be dying for  

Those old winds will
soon be snarling and snapping
like the wolf at your front door.                  

If you won't stop them,
they will take your children for cannon fodder
to fuel their engines of war.

CHORUS:  
Try to hear them madam?    Don’t you see them sir?
Can’t you feel those winds of war beginning to stir?  

BRIDGE:  
Warn your children.
They will chew your children and spit them out
when those cold winds blow somehow.
Speak up and be counted.  
Those winds will blow your children down                                                  
if you won't oppose them right now.

Can’t you hear them calling?
Denial is a crime.                                                                            
You could hear if you’d just listen.  Listen while there’s time.
You only hear if you will  listen.  Listen while there’s time.  

CHORUS:  
Try to hear them madam?    Don’t you see them sir?
Can’t you feel those winds of war beginning to stir?  

[chloeannza]

Very good.

[hardtwistmusic]

Very good.

Thank you for the encouragement, and thanks for reviewing the songs of others. 

[delb0y]

Very good, sir!

My only comment is that you reuse the idea of the war machine killing the children / chewing up the children / using the children as cannon fodder. These three lines are quite close together, and are also  close to the "warn your children" line. Nothing wrong with the multiple warnings, and not wrong with the repetition - it's an observation worth repeating, Just maybe separate them a little.

Having said I only have one comment, my second is the idea of seeing wind. I don't think you need change it - but it did jar a tiny bit. We see the effects of wind, but do we see wind itself? I don't know. Just an additional thought whilst I'm typing :-)

Cheers
Derek

[hardtwistmusic]

Having said I only have one comment, my second is the idea of seeing wind. I don't think you need change it - but it did jar a tiny bit. We see the effects of wind, but do we see wind itself?

Cheers
Derek

Actually, it's the "dark clouds of misery" that the narrator/singer is asking if "you"  "can't see." 

In the first verse, the narrator singer asks the audience if he/she/they can "feel the winds" "hear the waves  "see dark clouds of misery gathering on an ocean of pain." 

[Oldbutyet]

Hi Verlon

Been reading your lyrics on and of for the past few days and even though there is a clear picture in them i felt maybe the flow at the end wasn't right, so today i was reading them again and i was thinking maybe one of your verses is in the wrong place, don't know if its any help also today when i was reading i was thinking maybe try the war siren sound when recording, just to see if it give you any new ideas for recording this.


                                   WINDS OF WAR
VERSE 1.  
Don’t you feel them?  
Can’t you . . .  feel them brewing again . . .
those old winds of war?                                                                                                  
Don’t you hear them?  
Can’t you hear those waves of anger
breaking along the shore?                                                                                                                                                                                                      
Don’t you see them?
Can’t you see dark clouds of misery
gathering on an ocean of pain?                                                                                                    
And, don’t you know,
they will soon be blowing across the land,
delivering a cold, hard rain.    
                                                                                                                    
CHORUS:  
Try to hear them madam?    Don’t you see them sir?
Can’t you feel those winds of war beginning to stir?

Can’t you hear them calling?                                                                              
You could hear if you’d just listen.  Listen while there’s time.
Denial is a crime.
You only hear if you will listen.  Listen while there’s time.  

Those old winds will
soon be snarling and snapping
like the wolf at your front door.                  

If you won't stop them,
they will take your children for cannon fodder
to fuel their engines of war.

Listen to me.
Don’t pretend I did not warn you of
these coming winds of war.  
                                                                                                                                      
Listen closely.  
You can hear them choosing the causes
your children will be dying for  

BRIDGE:  
Warn your children.
They will chew them up and spit them out
when those cold winds blow
You must be counted.  
Those winds will blow your children down                                                  
if you won’t be counted right now.

CHORUS:  
Try to hear them madam?    Don’t you see them sir?
Can’t you feel those winds of war beginning to stir?  

Listen closely.  
You can hear them choosing the causes
your children will be dying for    

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon

Been reading your lyrics on and of for the past few days and even though there is a clear picture in them i felt maybe the flow at the end wasn't right, so today i was reading them again and i was thinking maybe one of your verses is in the wrong place, don't know if its any help also today when i was reading i was thinking maybe try the war siren sound when recording, just to see if it give you any new ideas for recording this.


                                   WINDS OF WAR
VERSE 1.  
Don’t you feel them?  
Can’t you . . .  feel them brewing again . . .
those old winds of war?                                                                                                  
Don’t you hear them?  
Can’t you hear those waves of anger
breaking along the shore?                                                                                                                                                                                                      
Don’t you see them?
Can’t you see dark clouds of misery
gathering on an ocean of pain?                                                                                                    
And, don’t you know,
they will soon be blowing across the land,
delivering a cold, hard rain.    
                                                                                                                    
CHORUS:  
Try to hear them madam?    Don’t you see them sir?
Can’t you feel those winds of war beginning to stir?

Can’t you hear them calling?                                                                              
You could hear if you’d just listen.  Listen while there’s time.
Denial is a crime.
You only hear if you will listen.  Listen while there’s time.  

Those old winds will
soon be snarling and snapping
like the wolf at your front door.                  

If you won't stop them,
they will take your children for cannon fodder
to fuel their engines of war.

Listen to me.
Don’t pretend I did not warn you of
these coming winds of war.  
                                                                                                                                      
Listen closely.  
You can hear them choosing the causes
your children will be dying for  

BRIDGE:  
Warn your children.
They will chew them up and spit them out
when those cold winds blow
You must be counted.  
Those winds will blow your children down                                                  
if you won’t be counted right now.

CHORUS:  
Try to hear them madam?    Don’t you see them sir?
Can’t you feel those winds of war beginning to stir?  

Listen closely.  
You can hear them choosing the causes
your children will be dying for    

I've currently shifted gears on this one, and am working on the music.  When I get back to the lyrics, I'll consider both your suggestions.  Thanks.  

BTW.....  Unless my music turns out very very well on the "Name of the Father" song, I've decided not to do anything beyond your spoken word version.  I'm really excited by how well that turned out.  When you are happy with what you have there, let me know, and I'd like to post that spoken word version (by you) on my Reverbnation site.

[Oldbutyet]

BTW.....  Unless my music turns out very very well on the "Name of the Father" song, I've decided not to do anything beyond your spoken word version.  I'm really excited by how well that turned out.  When you are happy with what you have there, let me know, and I'd like to post that spoken word version (by you) on my Reverbnation site.

Yes go ahead i have no more to add to the "Name of the Father" song, really please you like it, fantastic lyrics and really did enjoy recording them, Thanks Verlon.

[Paulski]

Very good write Verlon.
I'm hearing rock or metal
Love the repetition - so important for a song like this.
Only part I didn't get was the "You must be counted" bit.
Probably just my thick Canadian skull...but we need to stay warm!

Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

Only part I didn't get was the "You must be counted" bit.
Probably just my thick Canadian skull...but we need to stay warm!

Paul

Thank you Paul. 
Would it read better (and clearer) if I used "Step up and be counted" instead of "you must be counted?" 

[Paulski]

A bit clearer, but counted for what?
Or maybe we can assume it is for those against war?

Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

In the Western U.S., "be counted" and particularly "stand up and be counted" is an idiom for "make your voice heard" either "for" or "against" something. 

I think I need to find another way of saying that.  Work around "make your voice heard" instead of "be counted."  Something like that.

I'm grateful that you let me know this was not clear.  I'll work on finding a way to "crystallize" it.