The Show Went On - My first song

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Dimitris

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« on: July 20, 2016, 11:44:53 AM »
I've posted this at the Feedback section, but as @Boydie suggested, lyrics not being my strong field, and me not being a native English-peaker, I thought I should post it here again and maybe get some more in-depth comments about the lyrics.

THx.

THE SHOW WENT ON

So in a world of “ones” and “zeroes”
No place for “twos” no place for heroes
Well, that’s how it goes
And in a city full of strangers
No queen no throne
Just hold my hand so we can dance alone…

And carry on – the show goes on
So take me home – before it’s gone

A thousand ends and still beginning
Everyone scores but no one’s winning
Still, we’re keeping score
The show goes on and nothing changes
Please stay a while
Go wear your face and find a matching smile

And put it on – let’s dance alone
The show goes on – and then it’s gone
And where it goes – nobody knows
So take me home – before it’s gone
Just let it go – it’s just a show
We dance alone – then go back home

Go with the show every night and be clever
Strike a pose and be gone with the wind
Go till it’s gone for it goes on forever
No one got hurt no one sinned
Sleep every night in your morningless places
Wake every day in a new different bed
For now the show goes on inside your head

And there it stays – the DJ plays
That famous song – we’ve danced along
Take of your face – we’ll find a place
To call it home – the show went on

Oh! The show went on - (the show went on)

But I don’t want to go with the show, on and on, on and
On, I’ll stay here waiting, dancing and dancing alone

The show went on – be brave and strong
The DJ plays – his final song
Inside your head – the show goes on
So you can stay – but I’ll be gone
Before you know –a brand new show
We dance alone – then go back home

https://soundcloud.com/tswo/tswo-ft-g-paloumpis-the-show-went-on

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2016, 03:00:14 PM »
Well, I enjoyed listening to the song very much. I know you're looking for feedback on the lyric specifically, but I think I like it the way it is. I do better with lyrics than with setting to music and especially better than production. But, in the case of this lyric, I don't know what I would change. Someone better than I will possibly give you some ideas.

Vicki

tomcrocus

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« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2016, 06:20:14 PM »
Hi Dimitris,
                i'm more into old school rock n roll and indie and
that sort of stuff but i enjoyed listening to your song,i can't
fault the lyrics,
                     great job well done,
                                                  Tom.

Dimitris

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« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2016, 10:12:29 PM »
Thx guys!

Glad to share it with you!

 ;D

diademgrove

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« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2016, 08:35:53 AM »
Hi Dimitris,

I haven't listened to the music as I didn't want it to get in the way of my thoughts on the lyrics.

I thought the words worked and the story about life on the road and its loneliness came across really well.

You asked for some feedback, especially on your use of English. I have a few small points.

I think the words read better without the "And" at the beginning of "in a city full of strangers". For me the "And" gets in the way of the natural rhythm of the verse.

I'd also replace the "And" in "And carry on" with either "Let's" or "We'll".

Nothing really wrong with your English. I'll have a listen to the music later in the week.

Keith

Neil C

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« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2016, 06:33:58 PM »
Dimitris,
Hi nothing wrong with your english or these lyrics. verse 1 sets it all up nicely.
A couple of small point stop consider, should it be called "The show goes on" which you sing in the first half or "the show went on" which you sing in the second half? The former has more power for me but it maybe you prefer the logic of the second.. The other little thing was the repeat of score on the 2nd and 3rd line of the second verse.
 :)
Neil
songwriter of no repute..

MartynRich

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« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2016, 06:50:49 PM »
As others have said, nothing wrong with the lyrics...a very nicely smooth song and well sung. You've got talent...its not really my kind of thing taste-wise but I appreciate the huge amount of craft you have put into this. All the bits are in the right place with a nice flow between the different sections. The middle eight reminded me a film score type song in places but nothing wrong with that...it seemed a bit of change from the other sections though.

You certainly like your epic arrangements if this is anything to go by...so more diverse stuff for us would-be songmongers to listen to...great introduction to the forum and welcome!

GTB

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« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2016, 10:43:36 PM »
Hi, if that's your first song I look forward to great things! Very strong lyrics indeed
GTB
GTB

Dimitris

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« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2016, 08:29:17 AM »
Thanks @GTB

I was away for sometime (summer, u know) and just got back to the forum.

Will be releasing a new song quite soon i hope ;)

All the best

Freddie

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« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2016, 12:06:40 PM »
Great song, really sounded professional!

Would you be interested in a collaboration?

Freddie

Polky09

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« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2016, 09:52:38 AM »
Great Lyric here,

I also am just really starting out,
I think you have a way with words. A little bit of advice that was given to me,
challenge yourself to write a song less wordy, like use less words to say that same thing.
I have found it very useful in my writing.

But i look forward to seeing more of your work.

Gavin