[Day2Take1]

Lyrics:

When you’re no longer wanted
The world can feel so cruel
You’d jump into a fire
Just to feel the warmth you knew

When you’re no longer wanted
You’ll break your cardinal rules
Your heart cracks wide open
And will lose its lovely hue

Darkness around
You feel the pain inside
Lost hope for ever finding
That love which always hides
Will you always be searching of a life you’ll never find
Or will you learn to love the man
The one the mirror shines

When you’re no longer wanted
The words they seem all true
The ones that say its time to stop
You won’t ever make it through

When you’re no longer wanted
Future days are gloom
A broken mix of chances
That you’ll never get to do

Darkness around
You feel the pain inside
Lost hope for ever finding
That love which always hides
Will you always be searching of a life you’ll never find
Or will you learn to love the man
The one the mirror shines

Will you learn to love , Will you learn to fight, Will you learn that love, Is really worth the fight
Will you stay the course, Or will you break at night
Will you learn to love
Will you learn to love
Will you learn to love
Will you learn to love

[Wolfini]

Again, what a beautiful ballad!
 
Wonderful piano, moving melodies, deep lyrics. This was much more structured than the first song you posted, and so it is much more "mainstream", which is not a bad thing at all. Elton John, Billie Joel, even some Freddy Mercury - this is right up there with the big ones IMO.

Vocals are too low in the mix and could need some processing. I found that the "Nectar Elements" plugin can give good results quite easily.

When you work out the mix and production this will be an absolute winner!

Bye Wolfi

[Movin Flavour]

Nice ballad....but can hardly hear your vocals.

For me the song stays at the same level throughout the song, it needs some more variation..

There is a lot of potential in the song.

Sandeep

[adamfarr]

Some great writing here! A few things aren't 100% standard English (e.g. "the one the mirror shines") but I think that makes it sound different and interesting and the melody really carries it.

I'd love to be able to accompany myself on the keys like that. For the bare bones comp it's great (perhaps try to raise the vocals in the mix as others have said) but once we're done with that, then I think I'd like to hear a fuller production, it could sound amazing.

[CaliaMoko]

Very pretty ballad. Like the other reviewers, I'd like to be able to hear your voice better.

The phrase "the one the mirror shines" jumped out at me, but the more I hear it, the more I like it. I think it's an important moment in the song and if it were more "normal" phrasing, it would be less noticeable.

One wording choice I would change, if it were me, is in this line:
"Will you always be searching of a life you’ll never find".

I would change "of" to "for", as a person searches for something, not of something.

Overall a lovely song and, oh, I'd love to be able to play piano decently.

Nice job!

Vicki

[Day2Take1]

Wow thank you all so much for your feedback.  I appreciate the suggestions about lyric changes.  I am terrible with grammar.  The audio has been the bane of my existence.  I am working on it. watching some videos on compression and improving audio.  I posted another original  this week which I tweaked the audio settings on.  In hope that it fixed the issue.  Thank you all this was truely lovely.

[pompeyjazz]

I love this bare bones competition. Another really good song. I would suggest that maybe your vocals are a bit higher in the mix as you have a really good voice.

[MartynRich]

What a really good ballad. Very nice pop structure, with a bit of showtime in there...lyrically and melodically it´s fab. Well done!

Re the mix - try turning down the piano if you can´t take your voice up further, then master it so the volume of the whole track comes up.

[digger72]

Hi

Hats off for performing live.

Whilst not my type of thing, I can appreciate the quality in the performance. At times the vocal seemed to waver a little - but to play and sing at the same time like that - who cares?

I agree with the comments about the song perhaps lacking a bit of variation, but maybe a fuller production (i.e. outside the Bare Bones comp) would sort this.

Nice one.

Digger

[tina m]

theres something about piano ballads & emotion .. they sound moving even when your sat there in your untidy basement with a fridge in the corner
sometimes all that emotion can sound a bit  sentimental & overdone but omg they are popular
anyway this was a good one & a nice performance.. I thought you got the passion of the song over realy well
the piano banging away got a bit wearing after a while but as this is a bare bones comp entry im not going to complain
it was a bit long at 4.22 & by the end I was wondering what was on the other side of that door?
& in the next video it was open! so I got my reward 
 

[Skub]

The opening verse reminds me a lot of 'candle in the wind'.
Again the major bugbear is your very earnest and emotive vocals are overwhelmed by the piano.
Trimming a minute or so off the length would give the song more impact, imo.
I love the way you put your heart and soul into the piece, that comes across in spades.

[tboswell]

I agree with Skub, the verse skirts a bit close to Candle in the Wind for me.
The style is very much that of the 70s singer-songwriters like Elton and Jackson Browne, which I enjoy very much.

Lots of craft in the song that I appreciate very much but for me nothing in the song quite leaps out at me. The melodic material moves nicely along, the harmonic structure is rich and smooth and the lyrics are heartfelt and work well.
But it does exactly what I expect and I need some surprises to make me stay with it. I think you need to look at your material and ask does it have those elements that leap out. A hook!
Something unexpected in the music, some killer lyric that grabs the ear and won't let go.

I am only picking you up on this cos your musical talent is obvious. You piano playing and voice are great (vocals louder in the mix though please).

Hope this helps,

Tom.

[IronKnee]

Hey there....I've listened to this numerous times, and thought I had posted 
Anyways......it's a nice song, and a good recording. I really enjoyed this.
Your performance lacks passion! Find that, and you will elevate your music to the next rung!
Good stuff......ya got talent! IMHO, of course 
                                                                                       -Tom

[PaulAds]

lovely piano playing...it must be great to be able to sit down and rattle a tune out like that 

a good song...maybe didn't have quite enough to hit the bullseye this time, but a good job well done

really loved the way you faded out without any faders 

[hardtwistmusic]

Oh God.... I've just started listening to entries. . . and this is going to be freaking impossible to pick a winner.  I just listened to a beautiful song, then I find this beautiful song. 

In a way, it's wrong to pick between two excellent, and beautiful songs.  It's like "judging" ice dancing. 

What's "better" and what's "best."  At any rate, your song will be in the mix in my own mind at least.