[Vintage54]

 
                            We are not mountains.

                   Holed up in your room
                   Laying low like Billy the kid
                   Running away from love
                   Keeping your heart hid
                   Not one beam of light
                   Can penetrate your gloom
                   You can live without the sunshine
                   But you can't live without the moon

                   We are not mountains
                   Can't stand alone against the cold
                   We're just flesh and blood
                   And we need a hand to hold

                   Your friends are worried
                   They've been rapping at your door
                   You won't let them in
                   But that's what friends are for
                   They've all been there
                   No one is immune
                   From the heartaches that come
                   With the changing of the moon

                   We are not mountains
                   Can't stand alone against the cold
                   We're just flesh and blood
                   And we need a hand to hold

                        Will you sink ever deeper
                        Into that ocean of despair
                        Like a blue whale singing sad songs
                        Never coming up for air
                        Or will you break those chains
                        Find your wings and once more fly
                        Rising like a skylark
                        Singing stars into the sky

                   I know you're hurting
                   And you've lost the will to fight
                   I know it's all gone wrong
                   But time will make it right
                   The cuts will mend
                   Don't throw the towel in too soon
                   Come out swinging
                   Roll with the punches of the moon

                   We are not mountains
                   Can't stand alone against the cold
                   We're just flesh and blood
                   And we need a hand to hold.

                           Vintage54

         
     

[Miguelrye89]

Wow, I absolutely loved this. Will definitely read again to see what I can critique, but from a first read I thought it was great!

[CaliaMoko]

I like this lyric a lot! I am really looking forward to hearing how it sounds once set to music. I have one possible nit--the line "Roll with the punches of the moon". I understand why "roll with the punches" is appropriate here, and I understand that "of the moon" maintains the pattern of ending each verse with "[something] the moon". But putting those two parts together doesn't make sense to me.

I could certainly be missing the point completely, but I thought I would mention it. Other than that, I think it's great.

Vicki

[igg]

Hi Vintage,

The moon  and the mountains....those fitting metaphors for change and vulnerability are beautifully used in your song....Everything is woven in very exquisitely....for me the standout resonance is  "Singing stars into the sky"....Excellent work my friend!!!

igg

[hardtwistmusic]

Didn't really like this as a read. 

When I sang it, it took on life.  That's what a lyric should do. 

I didn't mind the "punches of the moon" metaphor.  I felt it was better than deviating from the "moon" ending rhyme. 

[JolieThePassenger]

'Roll with the punches of the moon'

I liked this line enormously.  From reading the rest of the (excellent) lyric, I felt it was almost another way of describing time (phases of the moon?) and it's effects.  I'm not articulating it particularly well as I'm pressed for time, but sort of rolling with the punches that time delivers, but measured by the perpetual presence of the moon, marking time. 

I liked it anyway 

[tomcrocus]

Love it Vintage,
                      as usual you rarely disappoint.
"rising like a skylark
singing stars into the sky",

that's a throwback to my youth,alas there are not too many
skylarks left in the north east of England,
                                                         top write, Tom.

[Neil C]

Vintage,
Up to your really high standards.
Sunshine, moon, whales and skylarks all interminged in a conversation with a friend in my mind.
The 'we are not mountains' (chorus?) is very powerful.
Great
 
Neil

[Paulski]

Hey Vintage
Wonderful stuff - too many good lines to mention just one.
Now my only teensy tiny nit is a personal one I'm sure - the mention of "Billy the Kid" early on - he's such a specific character that my mind went to images of outlaws/bandits etc. which took me momentarily out of the context. Maybe that was your intention - if so well done!
As Neil says chorus is stellar!
Paul

[lillypilly]

wonderful Vintage write once again

"Rising like a Skylark singing stars into the sky"

"Like a Blue Whale singing sad songs never coming up for air"

really really nice stuff