[tomcrocus]

Hello everyone,i'll get back into the feedback way of things just give
me a little time.I think iv'e had a touch of writers' block but i wrote this today.

                                  MY WORLD

My world is a place where there aint no pain
and i only get high on the sun and the rain
there once was a time when i went insane
would i do it again,yeah
my world is a place where there are no wars
but if you wanna fight then fight for a cause
i'll break down the barriers and kick down the doors
keep out of my world and i'll keep out of yours

i don't wanna live in your world
so keep out of mine and i'll keep out of yours
i only get high on the sun and the rain
i went insane but i'd do it again
i don't wanna live in your world
so keep out of mine and i'll keep out of yours
i'll break down the barriers and kick down the doors
and if i wanna fight then i'll fight for a cause

bring on the rainbow i'm out of the grey
but if i go again then take me away
Lilly olanzapine she's my girl
no snakes in the grass are living in my world
sure iv'e been a sinner but i still pray
my tommorows will follow yesterday
i'll take the blame for every time iv'e hurled
but iv'e got no shame because this is my world
in my world,i'm done with stress and strife
this is my world and this is my life

my world is a place where there aint no pain
and i only get high on the sun and the rain
there once was a time when i went insane
would i do it again,yeah
my world is a place where there are no wars
but if you wanna fight then fight for a cause
i'll break down the barriers and kick down the doors
keep out of my world and i'll keep out of yours.

[Paulski]

Hi Tom

Good one - it's like a "live and let live" sandwich what with the first and last verse being the same.
My fav line: "i went insane but i'd do it again" - no regrets
Glad you got past the block

Paul

[CaliaMoko]

Interesting lyric...I kinda like it. I'm not certain I'm interpreting the message correctly. First I thought it was about retreating from the world at large and living only in your own world. Then, with "i'll break down the barriers and kick down the doors", I thought it might be more about everyone in the world living harmoniously. But that was followed immediately by "keep out of my world and i'll keep out of yours" which sounds like "stay away from me and I'll stay away from you".

And more seeming contradiction...between only getting high on sun and rain but then later "Lilly olanzapine" is your girl. So I finally decided the song is about a person torn between one and the other in more than one way. Made me think!

Unless that's not supposed to be the effect of the lyric, I have no nits.

Vicki

[PaulAds]

Nice to hear from you again, Tom...hope you're keeping well 

I love the honesty and simplicity of your lyrics...not trying to be a smart-ass...just saying it like it is with a wry smile on your face.

A great lunchtime read for me, sitting in my van watching the world go by...

Cheers!

[Vintage54]

   Hi Tom,
     Welcome back, writers block is a sonofabitch. This is great, particularly the opening verse. Well up to your usual standards, and well worth the wait. Hope they keep flowing.

                            Vintage54

[igg]

Hi Tom,

The struggle is clear....and you set up the characters in a very human way..
I've got a few suggestions for how I would restructure it....but that's looking at it from the outside in ..so I don't know if it fits your intention..  Keep developing it, it is powerful!

    MY WORLD

Chorus:
My world is a place where there aint no pain
and i only get high on the sun and the rain
there once was a time when i went insane
would i do it again,yeah

V1
i don't wanna live in your world
so keep out of mine and i'll keep out of yours
i only get high on the sun and the rain
i went insane but i'd do it again

V2
bring on the rainbow i'm out of the grey
but if i go again then take me away
Lilly olanzapine she's my girl
no snakes in the grass are living in my world
sure iv'e been a sinner but i still pray
my tommorows will follow yesterday

Chorus:
My world is a place where there aint no pain
and i only get high on the sun and the rain
there once was a time when i went insane
would i do it again,yeah

V3:
i'll take the blame for every time iv'e hurled
but iv'e got no shame because this is my world
in my world,i'm done with stress and strife
this is my world and this is my life

Bridge:
i don't wanna live in your world
so keep out of mine and i'll keep out of yours
i'll break down the barriers and kick down the doors
and if i wanna fight then i'll fight for a cause

Chorus:
my world is a place where there aint no pain
and i only get high on the sun and the rain
there once was a time when i went insane
would i do it again,yeah
.

[hardtwistmusic]

There is a very satisfying sense of mixed emotion and confusion about this lyric. 

There is clearly an underlying resentment and seething anger.....

Coupled with a very tolerant verbal message on the top layer. 

That REALLY works for me - having the underlying emotion conflict with the overall verbal message. 

Hopefully, that was your intent.  Whether it was, or not, that's how it read to me.

I'm REALLY interested in hearing this as a song. 

I'm thinking that the music can add yet another mixed message.  THAT would be frightfully interesting.

[tomcrocus]

Thanks everyone for the feedback,
yeah Vicki it is a bit contradictory but that's just how it came out,
i was just pleased to be writing again.

I like the restructuring igg,i think that's much better,cheers.

Paulski,Paul,Vintage,Verlon,
                                      it's good to hear from you and i always
appreciate your feedback,
                                    Tom.