[lubeck]

Hi, I'm new here, and I'd like to hear some feedbacks about my demo, "The Day of Karl Spensson". It's a song that has been inspired by some of my favourite bands: Beatles, Oasis, Rolling Stones, Kinks and Ride. Some of my songs have also hints of The Verve, Belle & Sebastian, T-Rex or even Burt Bacharach.

I'd appreciate some opinions on the melody, the mood of the song and also some advices, if you want to share it.

The lyrics are:

It's just the day of Karl Spensson
Filing for a divorce
Is it time to really move on
Or is it getting worse ?

Now, the time has stopped the street
So Karl can start to run
And who knows who he will meet
In that town of gold

Cos' he got the ti-i-i-ime
Co's he got the time to really move on,in the park

It's just the day of Karl Spensson
Watching a guitar
He'll never know what he might see
And how he will use his time

Now the time has stopped the street
Karl can start to run
And who knows who he will meet
In that town of gold

Cos' he got the ti-i-i-ime
Cos' he got the time to really move one, in the park

But you know that everything will be alright
You know that all these things will be all fine
And you know that everything's gonna be alright
You know all the these things, yeah all will be all fine

Cos' you got the tiiiime
Cos' you got the time to really move on, in the park

It's just the day of Karl Spensson
Filing for a divorce


Here's the link 

Hope you'll like it

[hardtwistmusic]

I'm sure you already know the production isn't great.  

But this is about the song, not the performance.  It's a "songwriter" forum, not a performer/producer forum.

I think the song as a whole is right on the borderline of "brilliant."  I'm not sure what is holding it back from that lofty achievement, or I'd try to explain it.  It could be that the production is all that is missing.    

But there is a lot right about this song.   A lot to like.  It REALLY reaches me musically.  

One other concern (and this could also be what keeps the song from being "brilliant."  I'm old, and can't hear lyrics unless they are featured and clearly sung.  I couldn't make out what this lyric was saying without following along in the lyric.  That's important to me, and far less important to most listeners.  

Okay, I went back and listened as I read along with the lyric.  I'm convinced that it's only the production that is holding this back from being a complete and excellent song.

[lubeck]

I'm sure you already know the production isn't great.  

But this is about the song, not the performance.  It's a "songwriter" forum, not a performer/producer forum.

I think the song as a whole is right on the borderline of "brilliant."  I'm not sure what is holding it back from that lofty achievement, or I'd try to explain it.  It could be that the production is all that is missing.    

But there is a lot right about this song.   A lot to like.  It REALLY reaches me musically.  

One other concern (and this could also be what keeps the song from being "brilliant."  I'm old, and can't hear lyrics unless they are featured and clearly sung.  I couldn't make out what this lyric was saying without following along in the lyric.  That's important to me, and far less important to most listeners.  

Okay, I went back and listened as I read along with the lyric.  I'm convinced that it's only the production that is holding this back from being a complete and excellent song.

Thanks for the good feedback. Glad you have liked it 

Will record an EP in September, I think I'll put that song on there.