[Miguelrye89]

Hello All, this is one of my first semi-ballads for my future Metal/Rock project "Eve of Nowhere" called "Enough". It's meant to be a duet, please let me know what you think. All feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Enough

V1: The last leaf has hit the ground
A change as vast as my memories
You were not who you claimed to be
And now I'm lost unable to breathe
I can't forgive you
The pain is far too strong
We were like autumn
Beautiful at the start
Until the cold tore us apart

Chorus: Was it ever enough?
The love I had for you
Cause I'm lost in the dark
And my heart is torn in two
Now as the autumn leaves change
I remember how I felt
And I've had enough of the pain

V2: Fall's not the same anymore
It's just a symbol of our dying flame
We were one but times have changed
Our love died as we began to fade
I can't believe you
Were the reason I'd cry
We were like autumn
Beautiful at the start
Until the cold tore us apart

Chorus: Was it ever enough?
The love I had for you
Cause I'm lost in the dark
And my heart is torn in two
Now as the autumn leaves change
I remember how I felt
And I've had enough of the pain

(Instrumental/Guitar Solo)

Bridge: I can't forgive you
(Even though I still love you)
The pain is far too strong
(I'm stronger now without you)
We were like autumn
(Autumn)
Beautiful at the start
Until the cold tore us apart

Chorus: Was it ever enough?
The love I had for you
Cause I'm lost in the dark
And my heart is torn in two
Now as the autumn leaves change
I remember how I felt
And I've had enough of the pain

                  -Michael A. Ellington,   
                                2014 Original

[Paulski]

Hi Michael

Pretty tame for metal/rock lyrics IMO
I like the hook - think the title should be "Was it Ever Enough?" so we're more drawn into a story.
It will be a challenge to set to music with 9 line verses and 7 line choruses but maybe you've sorted that already. The only sugg I have is to move the hook line to the end of the chorus instead of the start of it. I felt left hanging at the end of the chorus with the introduction of the "pain" line rather than the hook.

Please ignore me at your discretion!
Paul

[Miguelrye89]

Thank you for the feedback. It's funny because I actually have thought about changing the title to "Was It Ever Enough". You say "tame", what would be a better way of wording it so that it comes off more Metal/Rock ballad? I wish I had a way of recording the vocals etc and posting it. I do have some ideas for not only this piece but many of my other works as well. Maybe after hearing if not a completed song just a snippet there maybe a differing of opinion?

[Paulski]

Thank you for the feedback. It's funny because I actually have thought about changing the title to "Was It Ever Enough". You say "tame", what would be a better way of wording it so that it comes off more Metal/Rock ballad? I wish I had a way of recording the vocals etc and posting it. I do have some ideas for not only this piece but many of my other works as well. Maybe after hearing if not a completed song just a snippet there maybe a differing of opinion?

Hi - If you have an iPhone or a cheap mic and audacity (free software) you could record an MP3 and upload it to soundcloud - that's what most members use as a web site (it's free too).
As far as the "tame" comment I guess I was thinking it wasn't forceful enough for those genres. I could be wrong but maybe sth like "It was never enough" would sound more authoritative than a question to me.

Good luck with your project!
Paul

[lillypilly]

title suggestion

"enough of the Pain"

[Miguelrye89]

Thank you.

[hardtwistmusic]

I also don't think this is really a "metal lyric." 

I think it's a brilliant lyric.  It's deep, it's emotional, and it's thought provoking. 

I was able to find several ballad type vocal treatments for it just while I was reading, and it sang with incredible drama no matter which I chose.  I think it can make an incredible song.   

I just don't see it as "metal." 

I think the lyric itself is begging to be a ballad.

[Miguelrye89]

Thank you for your feedback. It most definitely is meant to be a ballad.

[Vintage54]

  Miguelry, Hello!

       Can't think why, but when i first read this, "changes" by Black Sabbath jumped straight into my mind. Liking this, a ballad, no doubt about it. Really like the chorus, i can hear it in my head. All in all, it's impressive, and with music, i'm sure it will be more so. Hope you're not offended by the Sabbath comparison. Still don't know where it came from.

                        Thumbs definitely up.
                              Vintage54

[Miguelrye89]

Haha thank you! Not offended at all quite the opposite actually! Appreciate the feedback!

[irwin]

I felt the emotion after reading your lyric. I like the chorus a lot good writing Keep it up.

Irwin

[Miguelrye89]

Thank you! Much appreciated!

[Draven]

I do see what people are talking about when they say that your lyrics are tame for a rock/metal song.

However, if you've heard the song "Rose of Sharyn" from Killswitch Engage, the lyrics do come off as a bit cliche but I absolutely adore the song. The sweet and thoughtful lyrics makes a striking contrast with the "Wall of Sound"-thrashing of the instruments but it's pulled off really well.

So if I were you, don't be deterred by the "tame" comments. I will suggest a few alterations later down the line but remember my friend, it's all in the execution.

Hope for the best man.