Hi Kaeljay, nice submission. I think you've got a good concept going on here. However, I'm gonna give you some detailed criticisms.
I'm into the second verse. Not so much into the first, I don't think it sets much of a scene. I would have something a little more discriptive there. That sort of driving repetition of your regrets suits a middle 8 more to me. The first verse needs to tell me in more detail what you're on about. I need to get it before we launch into a chorus.
Now I'm also not keen on the chorus.
Chorus:
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
(Cliche. How many times have you heard someone go on about not being able to run or hide? You have to twist or add to a cliche, or carefully place it for effect, for it to be interesting. Starting your chorus with a bare cliche doesn't give the sort of impact you want when entering into a chorus)
When you’re hung up
From the eyes above
(I'm sure this would make more sense if you had set a bit more of a scene earlier - case in point, set the scene more with your first verse)
No place to go
You’ve lost your pride
When there’s no love
When there’s no love
(I like this I do. The "When there's no love" line repeated twice hits the spot for me. The other two lines a feeling a bit non-descript to me, but again, I just feel like I don't know whats going on because you never set the scene)
If you agree with my point about the first verse, which you may not, you may want to keep an abstraft tone, I don't know, but if you do, then if you could try and set the scene slightly more, I would be interested to see that.
