[Viva La Stereo]

Hello people. I just recently invested in another mic to give my songs a bit more space. I'd been working on some lyrics for a while so I decided to christen the new set-up with this song. It's called Prisoners of War and quite naturally it's not the happiest of songs. I wanted to write a song that was a kind of internal/external dialogue between two lovers in a concentration camp. As usual, my songs are always rather low-fi, so this is too. I'm interested in hearing what you guys think...

https://soundcloud.com/vivalastereo/prisoners-of-war

LYRICS:

Love is the chemical of hope
a soft painkiller that heals
yet people are drowning far away
so wont you pull them through?
You did it once before
in the way that you held my hand
and though I am someone else
you are different too

So lets open up the hatches, babe
we can always work something out
Nothing much to me that I hold sacred
oh but a night spent beside you
and all the funny little things that you do

And we would kiss like prisoners of war
with two guards blocking the door
begging on our knees for more
and tomorrow would be softer than the rain

You agree that better days are close
but when you get the chance you blow em
From day to night to darkened day
your heart beats on the blackest moor
and the way that you smiled at me
as you passed me on the stairway
warmed my heart and gave me a part
in the unfinished play of a brand new day

so drink up toward the big sleep girl
we should always be whirling around
I lost God when I was a child
and I dont believe in a life after death
but with our love we could live forever

And we would kiss like prisoners of war
with two guards blocking the door
begging on our knees for more
and tomorrow would be softer than the rain

[MartynRich]

I love the lyrics on this one, very evocative and full of great imagery and the spoken samples are excellent. I also like the instruments you are using - they blend together well. The chorus is also a good one and takes a lift from the verse...and you also have real character in your voice.

I´m not a fan of the tempo changes though, they distract too much from the song and make it drag in my opinion. I know it is a dark song, but there are many ways to express that and here it sometimes seems like you´re strumming the guitar when you´re distracted by something else. I know it´s deliberate, but for me it doesn´t quite work. Could be down to my taste of course. Why don´t you try it with a straight rhythm at the tempo of Dylan´s Like a Rolling Stone? I think it´ll work really well.

It´s a nice idea though, just not quite there yet.

[tina m]

you remind me of john otway & kevin coyne the way your voice sings without normal inhibitions & the unusual way you use words  & also the way you seem to be distracted at times like martyn said  but I realy like that it gives the song a troubled quality ..like bad things are going on around you
this is marvellously unusual & definitely my cup of tea

I loved these lines
'and the way that you smiled at me
as you passed me on the stairway
warmed my heart and gave me a part
in the unfinished play of a brand new day'

[Viva La Stereo]

MartynRich - Thanks for the advice, Martyn. I always appreciate you taking the time to comment like that. I agree, there are certain parts that drag on and the tempo-change is a bit unnecessary. To be perfectly honest most of the time I'm unaware I'm doing it. I'm still developing and trying to find new routes and avenues to explore, and it certainly helps being a member of this forum.

Tinam - I just gave both of those artists a listen and I can see what you mean. I'm naturally not capable of a really brilliant voice like Sam Cooke or Freddie Mercury or something, so I take my lead from artists like Lou Reed etc who made a very unmusical voice into something that worked within the contexts of his own songs. I'm glad that you liked it!

I'm working on a couple of songs now that are a bit sung a bit more conventionally, so after working on those I may return to this. I think all it needs is another vocal take on some parts of the verses and, like Martyn said, a more sustainable tempo.

[lillypilly]

Hey there I felt the change in tempo quite distracting, I think if you played it straight and did a normal guitar strum even finger picked it, would be easier to listen to.
If you wanted this to be heard the strumming in the beginning would move people onto something else as it did for me
In saying the that lyrics are worth keeping but for it to mean more I personally would change the style

[pompeyjazz]

This is unusual in a good sort of way. Your vocals portray the desperation of the prisoners. They sort of have an out of control feel which really fits in well  with the mood of the song. My only small nit it to do with the timing changes which I couldn't get into on first listen. Will have to have another listen.

Cheers

John

[The Portrait Piano]

You've definitely got the spaced out vibe but in a nice way that adds rather than distracts from the melody. I really enjoyed the change in the tempo which added emphasis on the lyrics, I may have added a few more notes rather than straight strumming at this part of the song to make it extra spacey but that's just me