[delb0y]

A first draft of my first attempt at a folk song - an English folk song, that is. Open to advice on all aspects of this, lyrics, melody, changes, anything. It's recorded very quickly with no thought to production or sound quality - the door was open, planes and cars were passing, midway through the song one of the dogs jumped up and literally landed between me and the guitar and the microphone. In proper show-biz fashion I just carried on.

It's inspired by seeing a bit on the TV about the conditions that the navvies lived in back in the days of canals and early railway building. Figured that was proper material for a folk song -)

I suspect the title won't end up being "Digging" but for now that's what it is.

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13360805

Digging, digging, digging your canal
Living, living in a place just like hell
We’ve not got a roof, no shelter at all
In the winter fields, praying for a thaw.

Digging, digging, digging where your coal boats will go
Up with the frost and the sleet and the snow
Ten tons a day, we never rest
Till the hearts stop beating deep in our chests

You sold us dreams / you sold them big
You shipped us in / and you said dig

Digging, digging, digging for your railway tracks
Breaking up rocks, breaking our backs
The boss has a whip, the foreman has a crop
The locals spit on the floor, and God has forgot

Digging, digging, digging just trying to make a hole
Somewhere to sleep, shelter from the cold
Leaving, leaving, I’m a long way from home
I can’t recall your face, or the way you held my bones

They sold us dreams / They sold them big
They shipped us in / and they said dig

Digging, digging, digging, o'er my grave they toil
They’ll bury me right here, in this foreign soil
Cold, cold, cold, the ice it finally won
I didn’t wake this morning, my digging days are done

They sold us dreams / They sold them big
They shipped us in / and they said dig

[Skub]

Feckin marvelous del.

The song itself needs nothing,it's there. Of course there are lots of other thing you could add,harmonies in the diggin' chorus,some gentle percussion/brushes deep in the mix and some of that may be nice,but it's all gravy. I'm diggin' it with a big feck-off spade!  I even liked the dog barking.

Getting a good recording done is the only thing I'd want to do.

[CaliaMoko]

I like this a lot. There is a spot or two where I would probably word it differently, but I suspect you chose your words deliberately and from a different perspective. Therefore, there is nothing I would change.

[delb0y]

Thanks for the positivity, guys 

CaliaMoko, I'd be interested in any comments on the lyrics. The overall "outsider" perspective is not something I'd want to change, but I'm still open to ideas. I was deliberate in the choice of numbers of repeats when repeating different words, and deliberate in the gradual building of words relating to cold, but other than that...nope. There are a couple of lines I'm not happy with, "the locals spit on the floor" is the right image and the right sentiment (for the song) but it doesn't scan, and "the way you held my bones" is similar - the right idea, but the wrong last word. I'll fix these if I can (it's quite possible I can't!), but would be interested in anything else. There's also a technical issue that would see me hauled over the coals in any fiction writing critique group - which is how come someone who is dead is telling this story, but I think that particular issue is overlooked in song more often than not.

I'd like to write a better recurring instrumental theme - and get a fiddle or a whistle to play it - but as with all my stuff it has to be able to be played live by just me, or by me and my buddies so I might have to forego the ideal in favour of the practical. There again, I don't know - I can hear this as a full blown arrangement so I might go for it.

Cheers
D

[CaliaMoko]

Okay, here are some ideas I would consider, if I were writing this song, but they are likely to be simple personal preferences rather than any great improvement.

Digging, digging, digging your canal
Living, living in a place just like hell
We’ve not got aWe have no roof, no shelter at all
In the winter fields, praying for a thaw.

[...]

Digging, digging, digging for your railway tracks
Breaking up rocks, breaking our backs
The boss has a whip, the foreman has a crop
The locals spit on the floor, and God has forgot

"The locals spit on the floor" I thought was fine, but if you're looking for alternatives, one possibility might be "The locals chew tobacco". Or "t'bacca". If tobacco chewing is your reference. If not, never mind.

Digging, digging, digging just trying to make a hole
Somewhere to sleep, shelter from the cold
Leaving, leaving, I’m a long way from home
I can’t recall your face, or the way you held my bones

You could go with a rhyme of the vowel sound only--something like "...or the way you held me close".

Not much I would mess with, as you can see. I think the words are well thought out and effective.

Vicki

[delb0y]

Cheers Vicki, a couple of good suggestions there - I especially like the "...way you held me close." I think I prefer that to the original line 

Went to see a finger-picker last night by the name of Wizz Jones - one of the original UK bluesmen / folk guitar players from the early sixties. Inspired, I tried a solo version of this song (although I missed a couple of lines as I only wrote it yesterday). I still "hear" this as a big arrangements  but here's the Wizz Jones inspired version.

https://youtu.be/TvkYr3ym9Pg

[CaliaMoko]

Okay, I'm planning to listen to your video. I now have a video "wanna watch" list and will get it the next time I go to town. I had thought that would be today, but I'm far too miserable to go anywhere. Maybe next week. I'm recovering from Monday's surgery and I think the (preventive) antibiotic the doctor gave me is making me nauseated.

[hardtwistmusic]

The lyric DRASTICALLY improves with the music.  I loved the guitar work and all the small nits from the lyric simply disappear to my ears when the piece is performed. 

I simply don't find ANY nits.

On the page, there are nits.  In the song they aren't there.

[MartynRich]

Great folk song Del. You remind me of a folky Elvis.

My one suggestion would be to take the last verse right down to reflect the lyric about dying. It may make a nice change.

Edit - can you please put Vamp of Storyville on SoundCloud for my play list? It's fab

[delb0y]

Thanks guys     I'll take a folky Elvis any day 

I'm now using Vicki's lyrical suggestion - "Can't recall your face or the way you held me close".

Arrangement-wise it's still up in the air but I did a dual-guitar version with one of buddies this week and with us both playing fingerstyle and, in between verses. him playing some lead it really worked. We have a gig this afternoon (in fact I should be getting ready) and there's a chance this one might get its first outing. But we have a bunch of new songs so we'll see. Failing that I'll try and get to an open-mic over the next week or two and try it out there.

I agree re. the last verse - taking it down soft and low will be good.

Cheers
D

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

You've had a good bit of feedback on the lyrics so I won't go there.

What struck me was that, like Martyn, I heard an American....Johnny Cash maybe. It's not just the vocal i don't think. I don't know much about English folk songs and i realise that the inspiration and the subject matter is English, but it sounded more American to me. Especially how that part ends in 'and you said dig' and in fact the diggin, diggin, diggin refrain too!

I realise that this is probably unimportant....just struck me.

Song is good and catchy with that singalong refrain which will be perfect for your live shows.

I listened to this first late last night....tired, must have half-forgotten what I was listening to...and when it ended I expected applause to break out!