[AdamFields]

Hello everybody!

I have not posted on here for a while because my first work was terrible and I wanted to improve my writing skills a little bit so that I can understand and work with the feedback (also so I don't make a fool out of myself  )
 
Recently I have written a song called 'Can't let you go'.
My ex has been using me for a little while and everytime I fell for it again and again.. I'm too weak to say no if my ex want to meet.

This lyric is based on all of that.
I love to write about my own experiences because then I'm very sure how I felt and its a great outlet.

I would like to hear from you if the lyrics are clear enough to understand the story.
Also, does it bother you if there aren't that much metaphors in the song?
All other feedback is ofcourse welcome as well! 

I can't let you go

VERSE:
I fall in love to fast
I forget you to slow
I really want to move on
But I know..
Maybe I want to replace 'know' with 'don't'

When you're out of my mind
You find you're way back in
I think about our past, all the places
That we've been.

CHORUS:
I cant let you go
No matter how hard I try
I can never let you go
And I dont even know why

Our story continues
Everytime you scream my name
Our story is'nt over yet
'Cause you're in love with this game

VERSE:
It's been a long 4 months
Running through the dark
And when I saw a light
It seemed to be a spark

Really struggling with this one.. What I want to say with this one is that when I saw hope, it dissapeared again. I dont know if a spark is the right word for that.. Could use some help here.

And when I close my eyes
It's you in front of me
With your beautiful eyes, your smile
You want me back
Just me hoping that we could be back together

CHORUS:
I cant let you go
No matter how hard i try
I can never let you go
And I dont even know why

Our story continues
Everytime you scream my name
Our story is'nt over yet
'Cause you're in love with this game

BRIDGE:
And I know that this is wrong
holding on for way to long
And I know that it wont happen
You and me, getting back again
Aaah....
We will never getting back again..
Me convincing myself that we will never getting back together

CHORUS:
I cant let you go
No matter how hard i try
I can never let you go
And I dont even know why

Our story continues
Everytime you scream my name
Our story is'nt over yet
'Cause you're in love with this game

Looking forward to read and work with the feedback!

Lots of love,

[PTCruiser1801]

Hi Adam,

Decent lyrics all round...and they do tell the story that you want them to.

I have one suggestion...which you can take or leave...

For this verse:
It's been a long 4 months
Running through the dark
And when I saw a light
It seemed to be a spark

How about:
It's been a long 4 months
Searching for a spark
Every time I saw a light,
I was left deeper in the dark.

Just a thought!

Paul

[AdamFields]

Hi Adam,

Decent lyrics all round...and they do tell the story that you want them to.

I have one suggestion...which you can take or leave...

For this verse:
It's been a long 4 months
Running through the dark
And when I saw a light
It seemed to be a spark

How about:
It's been a long 4 months
Searching for a spark
Every time I saw a light,
I was left deeper in the dark.

Just a thought!

Paul

Wow! That is perfect! I think that works great!

Thanks a lot!

[Arkwright]

Hey Adam..

My biggest problem with this one is lack of originality. You're treading a well worn path with the narrative and it's very difficult to stand out from the crowd with the whole 'love lost' theme.

What you've written is perfectly acceptable with a few minor changes. It flows pretty well and has a nice rhythm going on.

I'm afraid I can't offer any advice on how to improve the lyrics because this isn't how I'd approach the lost love topic, but you clearly have some talent and all I can suggest for the future is maybe try and think outside the box a little when covering a topic that has been done a million times.

Keep up the good work.

[diademgrove]

Hi Adam,

I have no problem with the theme, although I'm tempted to get rid of the 4 months timescale. 4 months doesn't seem a long time to me, but then I'm nearly 60.

I'm not sure about the tense in the first verse. Given the theme I think it should be more "I fell into love way too fast". The next line doesn't work for me, I'd have tried something like " but I fall out way too slow". It messes up the rhythm but it sets up the rest of the lyrics for me.

If you are interested in my ideas I'll continue through the rest of your lyrics.

I like the chorus and have no suggests to make. Its just how you set it up so it has the biggest impact.

Feel free to ignore me.

Keith

[Kim Noel]

hey, I think this actually really good, u have a sense of emotion throughout which I like