[NathanJones]

So I wrote this song about growing up Gay I'm 24 so it wasn't as accepted as it is today and I think it's important for other people to know they aren't alone when growing up different to societies typical norms. The verses are rapped and the chorus is sung and written by Ruth B.

Verse One:
Ever since I can remember I've been one on my own,
Never seemed to really fit in and I felt so alone,
All the boys would play sports, I would play with my dolls,
Dad and brother would watch sports, I would play with my dolls,
Was told who I am is wrong, Never felt that I belonged,
Wasn't who they thought I'd be, Think they was embarrassed of me,
So I would change and hide myself away,
For a long time I was never really me,
I lost a lot of life being who I'll never be,
Can't believe there was a time, I would take my own life,
Such a battle within me and no end I could see,
Cause I never saw a way to be who I am today,
I'm proud of who I am, I'm proud of being gay,
You'll never take me light or make me feel ashamed,
I know I maybe different and lost still maybe,
But I can finally breath and I'll forever be free.

Chorus:
I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we're bored we play in the Woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook

Run run lost boy, they say to me
Away from all of reality
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free

Verse 2:
My friends dint understand, though they offer their hands,
It was a war within me that I hid so greatly,
So I wave by to this town that never loved me,
Got dreams and adventures that no one could believe,
Sat in my room writing songs on my own,
Thinking bout the past and how much I have grown,
Feels so good to be awake and so good to be free,
Good to say I wouldn't want to be anyone but me.

[tomcrocus]

Hello Nathan,
                   it's great to read a really personal set of lyrics,
i think it works well,rapping the verses and singing the chorus,
i think you should repeat the chorus at the end,
                                                                 regards,Tom.

[olivergearing]

Hi Nathan,

Strong lyrics, and a powerful set of emotions that you've tapped into. The list boy analogy is good, although I might be tempted to invest more in the Captain Hook character. Who is he, who does represent, why are on the run? It's probably super-obvious and I'm being thick(!) but you could invest a bit more time in that.

I see you've only made one post, which is fine, you're very welcome here! You'll find you get far more comments on your work if you feedback to others also. You've got some talent, and your feedback I'm sure would be very useful to all of us...

Cheers

[AdamFields]

Hey!

Very strong lyrics!
I am gay too and I can relate to this song and I love songs like that.
But, the chorus does already exist. It is from the song 'Lost boy' from Ruth B.
If it's for hobby writing it is no problem but you might get into some trouble if you're releasing this song due to copyrights.

But, I like the lyrics a lot.

[Vintage54]

    Howdy,
       A fair effort (Jesus! i sound like a schoolteacher) heaven forbid. It's not always easy to get feelings across and connect with others, who can only guess what you went through. But i think you made a pretty good fist of it. You connected with me, for what it's worth. I think the piece would be helped with a little chiselling here and there, but that's just the way i'm hearing it. On the same subject, are you familiar with the A E Houseman poem, "The colour of his hair" think that's the title, it's well worth a look. Also, there's a great song by "Ben Bedford" called "Fallen" which is terrific. Keep em coming.

                               Vintage54

[SonderRevelations]

Hey Nathan!
The fact that you are writing out personal feelings is magnificent, the best work can come from a little tapping into hardships you may have faced or issues that were prevalent in your life. I wish I was near a computer so I could write out a more helpful post at the moment but for the most part I agree with olivergearing and tomcrocus. Perhaps if you are adding any more to the song later on try to give the listener a feel for "YOUR" Captain Hook. Metaphors don't always need an explanation but I think it would help encompass the feel from the first verse/s to the second/third. Also a chorus at the end to wind it to a close would help it not feel as if the song was left hanging.
I love the lost boy metaphor, and incorporating Peter Pan based on your message.
Great work keep it up!

-Matthew