[LiamThePerf]

Hello everyone!
So right off the bat, here it is:
https://soundcloud.com/leesyams/fleshmarket-close

To cut a long story short, me and a couple of my pals have a little group and we tend to sing songs by people like the Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, Oasis, Stone Roses, Beatles, Who, Stones etc.
I figured I'd have a bash at writing a tune! I've been listening to a lot of TLSP recently, so I think that had a VERY obvious impact on the tune lyrically, a lot of contradicting words and whatnot.

I have ABSOLUTELY NO illusions that I am a talented singer, guitar player or songwriter. In my defence, the guitar I used on the recording only cost me about £10 and was the only one I had with me at the time, but still that is no excuse for some of the embarrassing mistakes I made on the recording. I am also not the singer of the group, which is why my American-esqe singing voice is so hilarious. So forgetting the singing and the playing, what do you think of the tune?

Any feedback is much appreciated!

Lyrics bellow:
"I've seen those eyes
Pushing fifty miles per hour
Down Fleshmarket Close
You, following a tablet
That came out of some pocket
Whose eyes were too blind to close

Your mother had told you not to sink
But you were feeling on the brink
When you took a sip out of his drink

I've seen those thighs
Shut your eyes and
wish night-time would come to die
You want to go home
Illusions that were absent
With adrenaline on the go


Lately I've been feeling pretty low
It was good of you to go,
But there's no way that we can know
Baby tell me we're good to go
Because the nights are getting longer
And my eyes are just too tired to close


Your father had warned you about the slip
When not to take off your kit
With hands too numb to grip"

[JonathanSmith]

Hi Liam, I think this is pretty darn good! Some clever and subtle words in the mix, too.

One thought I had, was the bit where you change the music 'Lately I've been feeling pretty low'... goes on quite a long time. Have you considered cutting it in half, ie two sections, and using one a bit earlier in the song, e.g. After 'when you took a sip out of his drink' the first time, then using the second section where you have it? Breaks the song up a little? Just a thought. Hope it makes sense!

Good stuff, thanks for posting