[CaliaMoko]

Let the bells ring out and the banners fly...I have a song to post in "Finished songs"! Thank you to Boydie for making it so!

The song is here: The Mark of the Chains, and I'm looking for feedback on the arrangement, instrumentation, and production to help determine whether any additional tweaking is desirable. Please feel free to offer your remarks--good, bad, and even indifferent.

THE MARK OF THE CHAINS

Words and Music Copyright © Vicki Morrison
Instrumentation and production by Boydie (@boydiemusic)

CHORUS
In my vision I see the mark of the chains
I touch his shoulder; I see the mark of the chains
I cry for the mark of the chains
Oh woh oo woh, the mark of the chains

VERSE 1
He could have had it all,
But he gave it up for me
Instead of wearing royal robes,
He bore the chains to set me free

CHORUS

VERSE 2
A love has touched my soul;
Turned a spark into a flame
And it's because of the love that in the dark of night
I seem to feel the mark of the chains
The mark of the chains

CHORUS
Oh woh oo woh, the mark of the chains

[Skub]

Lots to like here,good melody,plaintive vocal delivery and repeating hook.

I really liked the song,but I can't comment positively on the religious lyrical content.

[Frenchy]

Hi Vicki,

Nice 60's vibe on this song, the melody is very strong and and catchy and the message of the song is clear. I could hear this song in a Tarantino film or a song from the next Duffy album. I think it lacks a touch of content and could benefit from a bridge or something to take us to a new place so when we get back to that great hook it feels all the more better for it.
On the production side I have a couple issues with tambourine and cymbals which sound a little out of control. Probably too loud or it could even be the soundcloud encoding, however they could do with being tamed a little IMO. Hey just my opinion thinking out loud

None of these minor nit picks stop me from really enjoying this song which if I understand is your first completed song ?

Well done and I look forward to hearing more from you. Judging by this, I think you have a real talent for the craft of songwriting and keeping the focus on the message.

Regards,
Frenchy

[KaelJay]

Hi Vicki

I think this your best work I've heard from you! Everything I've seen and heard is exceptional!

The lyrics and melody have a very different direction from the other work you've written. It's fresh and new, which I love!

And Boydie's work on this is superb! Somewhat of the 60's-70's vibe. It's cool!

Mikael

[CaliaMoko]

Skub: Thank you for the nice remarks. Perhaps it would help to know that the man in the song was a political prisoner of the religious government in power in Iran/Persia at the time. He was born to a noble family and was expected to inherit a lot of money and prestige, but declined to do so for religious reasons. He was, from time to time, imprisoned, beaten, and exiled.

Frenchy: It is almost my first fully completed song, in a sense. I do have other music that's been professionally mixed and produced; and this one is the second Boydie has worked on for me. And the first one that's all my own creation (words and music).

I did wonder about adding a bridge, but I don't think it will happen this time around. Maybe someday I will be moved to come up with one.

Mikael: Thank you so much for the lovely feedback. I'm so glad you like it!

Vicki

[LostBoy]

Hi Vicki,

I love the old school vibe of this track.I thought the music sounded great,a very rich production.Well done!
You have a lovely voice and I love the counter melody you threw over the last chorus.I actually don't have any nits on this one. 
Well done for "finishing" the song! It feels great to put them to bed huh?!!

Now go and finish another...
Leo 

[Skub]

CaliaMoko,I apologise for my remarks on the lyrics,my comments were inappropriate towards yourself and out of place for this forum. I'm afraid I let my own upbringing and experiences intrude where neither was relevant. I will try to ensure this is not repeated.

Also in the throes of being opinionated,I neglected to congratulate you on your completed song. Keep it up girl,you are an asset and a welcome contrast to this forum. 

[Movin Flavour]

Definitely got a 60s vibe.

Feel like I'm on some kind of protest march....well done

Sandeep

[CaliaMoko]

Leo: My voice has its ups and downs. I find it's better when I'm in the habit of singing exercises--there's a few from the Vaccai book that work well for me. Thanks for the very nice compliment! Always nice to hear.

Skub: No worries! I meant to provide a little history of the song in the beginning but I totally forgot, so thanks for the reminder. And I have no problem with dissenting opinions. Everyone has their own. And I appreciate your compliment, too!

Sandeep: Yeah, I'm a sixties fan, so it's bound to show. Thanks for the nice comment.

[Paulski]

Hi Vicki

Congrats on completing this song!
Always a big milestone IMHO.
I too felt it was a religious song - so you might want to look at adding some more lyrical context to explain where the chain marks came from. That is, if you care if it's interpreted that way
To me it had shades of Dusty Springfield and could easily be adapted to Adele or another modern day star.

Oh and nice work Boydie - how do you find the time!
Good job guys
Paul

[CaliaMoko]

I will never complain about anything I do being compared to Dusty Springfield!

And sorry. I didn't mean to indicate it isn't a religious song. Exactly. It's inspired by an event that was caused by religious differences. The man in the song (his name was Husayn Ali) was imprisoned because the religious leaders of the country, who were also the rulers of the government, didn't like the way so many people liked what he had to say. They were afraid of losing power, so they tried to get rid of him.

So, I guess that's at least kind of religious.

I could add more content to explain the whole thing more, but I'll probably mainly use the song with Bahá'ís, and they will know where the chain marks came from. While Husayn Ali was in prison, he was chained down with one of two chains at all times. They were very large and heavy and made deep indentations on his shoulders that never went away for the rest of his life. If/When I use it with more diverse audiences, I can always provide a little background first.

I hope that makes sense?

[shadowfax]

Don't care what it's about, the lyrics are good and you sing them well, boydie has done a good job,
like the plaintive vocal very much and it's an excellent tune..
thats all you need for a good song IMHO..

good work,
best, Kevin

[tboswell]

Great little song I think, nice restrained lyric with a theme that everyone can see something in.

Production wise felt a little busy is places, giving it a muddy feel but I particular love the tempo changes at the start and the end, very effective!

Overall a great piece of work I could see working in a film, perhaps a western.

Tom.

 

[adamfarr]

What a great song - must feel so good to get this one ready for public consumption!

Lyrics nicely honed as usual - possibly I might have looked for an alternative for "spark to a flame" but given the sixties feel, that type of image is totally in keeping. The melody swings along nicely and is nice and hooky in the chorus.

One thing I didn't really understand was the rhythm changes in the intro and outro - seems to go from a shuffle snare groove to a straight feel (and then back again). I'm sure it's deliberate but I think bringing in the snare for a military motif could be just as effective without changing the timing...

Hope Boydie let you look over his shoulder while producing/arranging/mixing!

[CaliaMoko]

Kevin: Thank you so much! It's always nice to hear it sounds good to people.

Tom: Thank you for your complimentary words, also. And I appreciate your noticing the possible "busy"ness...something for me to listen for. I have so much to learn!

Adam: Yeah, I know I like that word "spark". In this case, I think it's the first song I ever used anything like that phrase--I originally wrote the song in 1993.

Boydie did send me in progress "episodes" of the song, explaining where he was in the process. It was interesting, but I wish I could be right there to see what he's doing. Which would probably not be fun for him when I kept saying "Now what are you doing?" and "What's that do?"

Regarding the change in rhythm styles...I think I had it that way in the beginning and it just stayed that way. I think it contributes to the general unstable theme of the song. But maybe it's too much?

I always appreciate all comments and will think about the "issues" and also see what Boydie thinks about them.

Vicki