[18 in the 80s]

Hi and thanks for viewing my lyric

In the chorus the genuine rhymes with line, with emphasis on the last syllable
gen-u-ine = gen u igne

All feedback much appreciated


Verse 1
It’s the same old story, you know, boy meets girl
The only two people in a crowded room and his eyes meet hers
He wanders over to deliver his opening line
When she says , “tell me something I haven’t heard a million times”

Chorus
She gives him the brush off, but he won’t be suede
He’s stressed but impressed, but she won’t be plaid
It could be no more than a velvet crush
Or maybe it could be gen-u-Ine leopard print love

Verse 2
She keeps his feet on the ground,but his heads in a spin
She proceeds with caution, he throws his to the wind
He knows he's gotta trust his instincts at times like these
If he cuts to the chase he'll be down on his knees

Chorus
She gives him the brush off, but he won’t be suede
He’s stressed but impressed, but she won’t be plaid
It could be no more than a velvet crush
Or maybe it could be gen-u-Ine leopard print love

Bridge
Then she says
Don’t make me promises unless you really mean it,
Or I might just do something dumb like believe it.
Don't promise me the earth,  the stars or the universe
Don't promise that you'll love me for better or worse
The romance of the century
The flowers that you send to me
For promise all my dreams still come true
...unless you really want to

And he says. ..
I won't, I promise!
I won't, I promise!
I won't, I promise!
Honestly,
I promise!

Verse 3
Calm yourself down, desperation's not a good look
If you wanna chance your arm in a game of love
Play your cards right, take your time
No,  it's now or never, go all-in blind

Chorus
She gives him the brush off, but.....etc

[diademgrove]

Hi Paul,

interesting take on boy meets girl. Not sure you need the third verse, it seems to get in the way, at least to me. the song would then end with her giving him the brush off as he promises not to promise.

If you disagree please ignore me.

Keith

[PaulAds]

hello Paul

Almost everything i've ever seen posted in the lyrics section is pretty good and often far better than a lot of the mindless tosh that is commercially available...and some of it is really awesome

i think this is brilliant

some great lines in here...i love the proceed with caution/throw it to the wind lines - they're excellent

deserves to be heard, i think...well done!

[CaliaMoko]

I love the puns in the chorus...although, when heard instead of read, I don't think they'll have as much impact, since the spellings are not apparent. Especially since "plaid" isn't normally pronounced like "played". How is it pronounced in your song? I'm curious.

I agree with Keith; I don't think the third verse, as written, adds anything to the song.

The line "Don’t make me promises unless you really mean it" bothers me a little. It sounds like it should either say "Don’t make me promises unless you really mean them" or "Don’t make a promise unless you really mean it." Probably the first. It could be done like:

      Don’t make me promises unless you really mean 'em
      Or I might just do something dumb like believe 'em

Another spot that seems to be, maybe, trite? to me is the "cut to the chase" phrase. Everything else either feels really original to me or is treated in a more creative manner.

My opinions, for what they're worth. I'm not married to them.

Vicki

[hardtwistmusic]

What does "won't be suede" mean?   I suspect it's jargon that I'm not privy to because I'm not from the same part of the world.  But please let me know. 

[CaliaMoko]

I took it for a pun. "Won't be swayed (suede)" and "He’s stressed but impressed, but she won’t be played (plaid)"

[Krisp]

Hi and thanks for viewing my lyric

In the chorus the genuine rhymes with line, with emphasis on the last syllable
gen-u-ine = gen u igne

All feedback much appreciated


Verse 1
It’s the same old story, you know, boy meets girl
The only two people in a crowded room and his eyes meet hers
He wanders over to deliver his opening line
When she says , “tell me something I haven’t heard a million times”

Chorus
She gives him the brush off, but he won’t be suede
He’s stressed but impressed, but she won’t be plaid
It could be no more than a velvet crush
Or maybe it could be gen-u-Ine leopard print love

Verse 2
She keeps his feet on the ground,but his heads in a spin
She proceeds with caution, he throws his to the wind
He knows he's gotta trust his instincts at times like these
If he cuts to the chase he'll be down on his knees

Chorus
She gives him the brush off, but he won’t be suede
He’s stressed but impressed, but she won’t be plaid
It could be no more than a velvet crush
Or maybe it could be gen-u-Ine leopard print love

Bridge
Then she says
Don’t make me promises unless you really mean it,
Or I might just do something dumb like believe it.
Don't promise me the earth,  the stars or the universe
Don't promise that you'll love me for better or worse
The romance of the century
The flowers that you send to me
For promise all my dreams still come true
...unless you really want to

And he says. ..
I won't, I promise!
I won't, I promise!
I won't, I promise!
Honestly,
I promise!

Verse 3
Calm yourself down, desperation's not a good look
If you wanna chance your arm in a game of love
Play your cards right, take your time
No,  it's now or never, go all-in blind

Chorus
She gives him the brush off, but.....etc

Hi Paul

I'm a sucker for the title. Like that a lot.

For me the 4/6 meter in verse 1 makes it feel quite stable and steady, almost resistive. Maybe it's capturing the same resistance the women is giving to the approacher?

I like the puns but don't understand the metephor to 'be suede'.

In the chorus, did you consider using 'maybe it's gen-u-ine'?

I enjoyed the contrast you used in verse 2. It seems to give it a pace appropriate to the context.

Anyway, for me overall it was excellent and would like to hear it out loud. Also I'm beginner so take my comments with a pinch of salt!

Cheers
Kris

[18 in the 80s]

Many thanks for the kind words once more!

For the record the puns are as hardtwistmusic said,

 "Won't be swayed (suede)" and "He’s stressed but impressed, but she won’t be played (plaid)"

and the following line "velvet crush" continues the double meaning on tips of clothing marital theme,  though not a pun exactly.

I don't normally use puns as they often a written technique, but in this case even if the listener doesn't "get it" then the lyric works if each line is heard aa a single meaning

The original idea was that the song would be a light rockabilly style but nothings fixed in stone

Cheers for your valuable input, I truly appreciate all comments and consider them all when rewriting

Paul

[Nicolajane87]

Hi Paul,

Another great set of lyrics, some good rhyming words in there, you tell the song really well, my only advice is I would maybe leave verse 3 out and just stick with the 2 verses and the bridge or shorten the bridge. Good luck.