[18 in the 80s]

My Sweet drunken angel

VERSE 1
Sometimes I say you're my old flame.
But who am I trying to kid?
I could never hold a candle to you
Though i know a few who did

But you know i'm always here
to mend your broken heart
just leave it with me honey
we've been friends girl from the start.

CHORUS
But my sweet drunken angel
If you dance with total strangers
And have a few more for the road
Then let them take you home

Then my sweet drunken angel
Come the promises and betrayals
It's the same old mistakes
That leads your heart to break

VERSE 2
And you know I'll always mend it
And send you on your way
But before too long you're at my door
Crying Paul it's happened again!

Cos you always fall in love
With your heart on your sleeve
And one by one they take you
And one by one they leave

CHORUS
But my sweet drunken angel
If you go dancing with total strangers
Have a few more for the road
And let them take you home

Then my sweet drunken angel
Come the promises and betrayals
It's the same old mistakes
That leads your heart to break

VERSE 3
Girl you gotta be more careful
Your heart is not a toy
And one day it'll get broken
And might not mend no more

And I didn't get in the heart-mending game
For the money or the fame
I just wanted to touch your heart
Ain't that what friends are for?

CHORUS
But my sweet drunken angel
You go dancing with total strangers
Have a few more for the road
And let them take you home

My sweet drunken angel
You get the promises and betrayals
It's the same old mistakes
That leads your heart to break


Thanks for reading,  I particular need help with the last line of the four,

But you know I'm always here
To mend your broken heart
Just leave it with me honey
Ain't that what friends are for

I'd like to keep the sentiment but can't find the rhyme.

[tomcrocus]

I'm loving this one from start to finish,it's a great title
for a song and it's got me thinking just who is this sweet
drunken angel,it leaves a lot to the imagination.

But you know i'm always here
to mend your broken heart
just leave it with me honey
we've been friends girl from the start.

I don't know if that helps,it's simplistic!
                                                      regards,Tom.

[18 in the 80s]

Thanks Tom

I've slotted that line right in!

Works great with the rest of the song.

Cheers

Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

I loved this lyric.  Everyone sees a lyric a little differently,  but for me, this was about a long-suffering, excessively loyal friend who comes dangerously close to "enabling" behavior.

VERY, VERY real. 

And (imo) don't let anyone tell you it's too long.  I think it has a lot to say and it needs to say it all. 

[igg]

I  like the direct sweetness of the lyric....
In terms of rhyme lines


Every time it breaks apart
I've been with you from the start
I have loved you from the start

Good work....looking forward to hearing it!

igg

[CaliaMoko]

Good lyric! The only thing I noticed was a couple of the rhymes were a long reach, particularly the first half of verse 2 (way, again) and all of verse 3 (toy, more | fame, for). Verse 3 actually looks like you changed the rhyme scheme quite a bit and intend for "more" to rhyme with "for". Which it does, of course, but it breaks the scheme. Plus "more" and "for" are so far apart, the listener may miss the intention.

But that's just mechanics, which are less important than the story of the lyric, which, in my opinion, is good.

That's all I see. I look forward to hearing how it sounds.

Vicki

[mickeytwonames]

Great set of lyrics

IMHO I'd remove the word TOTAL from the chorus

But my sweet drunken angel
If you go dancing with total strangers
Have a few more for the road
And let them take you home

[Krisp]

I like the subject matter and the way it's portrayed - it's probably universally recognised to have 'that friend' who is throwing themselves at everyone but you. I think the reader can really empathise with the narrator.

The best I could manage for the 4th line is:

I just wanted to touch your heart
Without tearing our friendship apart

Nice work!

[Paulski]

Hi Paul

Well done on this lyric - I'm relating to the guy right away and we've all seen ppl make bad choices when they're tipsy Loved the angel/strangers near rhyme - stalla! And the hook is perfectly coined and placed.

I have only two nits - I would avoid heart/apart rhymes like the black plague - so overdone it's not funny anymore . The second nit is that the chorus is too long. The second half of it says nothing new - I would trash it (sorry I know it's hard to kill your babies ) That way your great hook will shine like a beacon and not get watered down with excess verbage IMHCO.

More please!
Paul

[18 in the 80s]

Thank you,  thank you , thank you!

This one is on the rewrite take as we speak and the search for the heart-breakingly sweet and sour chords on the guitar continues unabated!

Demo well follow

Paul

[Nicolajane87]

Hi Paul,

Great set of lyrics, love the title, I can't find nothing that I could change but I'm only a begineer. Good luck.

[CMUK]

Good stuff Paul.

Sometimes when I struggle with finding a rhyme I change the word I'm trying to ryhme with. Try that but keep the same sentiment and it may open up the possibilities. Right now your looking for a ryme with heart. So you have .....
art, artcc, arête, bart, cart, carte, chart, charte, clart, dart, dartt, fart, haart, hardt, hart, harte, hartt, mahrt, mart, marte, part, parte, scart, schardt, skart, smart, smartt, start, tart, tarte, tartt, apart.

Nothing great there, you can get by with "make a fresh start" or "I'll play my part" but we don't just want to get by, we want to be awesome.

But you know I'm always here
To catch you when you fall (or)
And I'll watch over you (or)
To mend just what you break (or)
To hold your heart with mine (or)
To Hold your heart in my hands (or)
To open every door (this one is working  backwards from the last line to get a rhyme)

To mend your broken heart
Just leave it with me honey
Ain't that what friends are for

Hopefully you get where I'm going with this. Sometimes some words are not strong rhyming words and don't give you what you need to go forward with the song. You'll find most times people write a song they will rhyme heart with apart. As in I gave you my heart and you pulled it apart. Avoid the obvious.

Good luck.