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My Heart Says Sorry

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18 in the 80s

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« on: February 04, 2016, 08:34:10 PM »
I've uploaded a new version of this lyric in this thread and at the end of this post.

Many thanks to rise who commented so far!



his one's a bit different, kind of an ambling style,  one of my drunken dumb apologies

My Heart Says Sorry

VERSE 1
I wasn't thinking
And I don't know what came over me
I got carried away again
But, you know me, I'm easily led astray

I do remember listening to my heart
And it said, Oh no no
Come on,  All loving is good loving
Nobody needs to know

CHORUS
See it's  ain't all on me
But I'm here to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I

VERSE 2
And the next thing I know
My heart is serenading
Some peroxide poodle girl
And his beat is racing

He stole kisses from another's lips
An unforgivable thing
It's no excuse that we was seduced
By the forbidden fruit

CHORUS
See it's  ain't all on me
But I'm here to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I

VERSE 3
I tried to tell him, Walk away
But my hearts will is strong
Now I ain't sayin nothing
Except that we was wrong

But can't you see how you made him feel?
All bigged up with pride
Got him thinking he enough love for you
And then plenty more besides

CHORUS
See its  ain't all on me
But I'm here to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I





New Version



My Heart Says Sorry

VERSE 1
I wasn't thinking 
And I don't know how things got that far
But I did what you said,
And I listened to my heart

But it smiled and said
When the cats away the mice can play
You know me and how
I get easily led astray

CHORUS
See, it was him,  not me
And he told me to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I

VERSE 2
It's hazy, but I do remember
My heart pumping, his beat is racing
And there was a seductive peroxide poodle girl
That he was serenading 

And I tried to tell him,
This will not end well
But he was too far gone to reason with
I might as well've talked to myself

CHORUS
See, I tried to stop him
But he has apologised
My heart says sorry
And so do I

INSTRUMENTAL

BRIDGE
I aint sticking up for him
Cos he cheated that's a fact
And after all you done for him
You deserve better than that

And I ain't saying
you're to blame for any of this
He made his bed,
he can lie in it

VERSE 3

But can you see, how you made him feel?
Your loving bigged up with pride
Got him thinking he got enough love for you
And plenty more besides 

INSTRUMENTAL

CHORUS
Sometimes he can't help himself
But he wants to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I







« Last Edit: February 07, 2016, 10:33:10 AM by 18 in the 80s »
Paul - 18 in the 80s

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« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2016, 03:11:42 AM »
I'll take a stab at this, but I'm no expert, so keep that in mind. My comments are inline below.

My Heart Says Sorry

VERSE 1
I wasn't thinking
And I don't know what came over me
I got carried away again
But, you know me, I'm easily led astray

I do remember listening to my heart
And it said, Oh no no
Come on,  All loving is good loving
Nobody needs to know

CHORUS
See it's  ain't all on me
But I'm here to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I

VERSE 2
And the next thing I know
My heart is serenading
Some peroxide poodle girl
And his Does "his" mean your heart? How about "its" instead? beat is racing

He stole kisses from another's lips
An unforgivable thing
It's no excuse that we was seduced
By the forbidden fruit

I assume the "we" in line three is meant to be "he". And again, we have this mysterious "he". If it's meant to be the singer's heart, it comes across odd to me...your heart stole kisses?

CHORUS
See it's it  ain't all on me
But I'm here to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I

VERSE 3
I tried to tell him, Walk away
But my hearts heart's will is strong
Now I ain't sayin nothing
Except that we was wrong

Again the "he" I'm not sure about, but thinking it means the singer's heart....

But can't you see how you made him feel?
All bigged swelled? I don't think "bigged" is a word up with pride
Got him thinking he enough love for you
And then plenty more besides

The verse above sounds like the singer is blaming his love interest for the problem.

CHORUS
See its it ain't all on me
But I'm here to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I

=====

Thanks for marking the verses and choruses clearly. That makes it easier for an easily confused brain like mine.

I have a general recommendation for you...right now the song strikes me as someone kind of whining because he strayed and now he's sorry and wants his lady love to forgive him.

If you want to stick with a story line of a cheating man, I suggest making him a more likable by making him more remorseful. Right now, he seems to be excusing himself, so I'm left believing he's just going to keep right on cheating and expecting his sweetheart to keep forgiving him. Rather, make him realize he's made a big mistake and he's going to use what he's learned to mend his ways so it doesn't happen again. And he should take full responsibility for his own actions, not blame his honey.

Alternatively, if you want to paint a picture of a man who is irresponsible, I recommend his attitude be one of "I just can't be faithful, so honey, don't count on me. I cheated once and I'll do it again, so you would be well advised to look elsewhere for a dependable man." Something like that.

Hope something here proves to be helpful to you.

Vicki

18 in the 80s

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« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2016, 06:10:35 AM »
Hi Vicki and thanks for reading and commenting on my song!

The theme of the song is that some people genuinely don't hold themselves responsible for their actions and will blame anyone and anything for what they did.

In answer to your main question on the lyric,  the singer refers to his heart as a separate person and blames his heart for leading him astray.  He is remorseful, but only for his part in what happened, admitting that shouldn't have allows himself to do easily lead (by his heart).  And his opinion of himself is that at least he is doing the right thing now by not only delivering the apology from "his heart" but also apologising himself.

I didn't intend to make the singer likeagle or dislikeable,  if anything my goal was to attempt to make him almost pitiful in his pathetic request for forgiveness.

Thanks again for the feedback

Paul

Paul - 18 in the 80s

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« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2016, 02:34:00 PM »
Hey Paul (great name BTW :))

I really think this has a lot of potential. I love how it personifies the singer's heart like a separate entity inside him. However, my main issue is it sounds like his heart put him up to his unfaithfulness, whereas I would think his heart would be the one who knew it was wrong and advised him against it :)
Maybe his "lust" or his "desires" or even his "mind" could be the bad guy in all of this? That way we would have more sympathy for his heart. A twist on "the devil made me do it" kinda thing..

Feel free to ignore me - I'm probably wrong :(
cheers
Paul

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« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2016, 06:59:55 PM »
Hi Paul, nice lyrics that could fit many a style. I really like the 2nd verse and totally get it from there. The 'forbidden fruit' line seems a bit out of synch though, perhaps it's the break in rhyme.
GTB
GTB

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« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2016, 10:36:08 AM »
This is a new version,  hopefully the message gets across sooner in this one and shine of the awkward word choices have been improved.

I really really appreciate all comments and feedback, good, bad or indifferent!


My Heart Says Sorry  (version 2)

VERSE 1
I wasn't thinking 
And I don't know how things got that far
But I did what you said,
And I listened to my heart

But it smiled and said
When the cats away the mice can play
You know me and how
I get easily led astray

CHORUS
See, it was him,  not me
And he told me to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I

VERSE 2
It's hazy, but I do remember
My heart pumping, his beat is racing
And there was a seductive peroxide poodle girl
That he was serenading 

And I tried to tell him,
This will not end well
But he was too far gone to reason with
I might as well've talked to myself

CHORUS
See, I tried to stop him
But he has apologised
My heart says sorry
And so do I

INSTRUMENTAL

BRIDGE
I aint sticking up for him
Cos he cheated that's a fact
And after all you done for him
You deserve better than that

And I ain't saying
you're to blame for any of this
He made his bed,
he can lie in it

VERSE 3

But can you see, how you made him feel?
Your loving bigged up with pride
Got him thinking he got enough love for you
And plenty more besides 

INSTRUMENTAL

CHORUS
Sometimes he can't help himself
But he wants to apologise
My heart says sorry
And so do I




Paul - 18 in the 80s

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« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2016, 02:40:36 PM »
Hello again.

For me, this is much improved. It now sounds like a man who has a hard time saying he's sorry, so he resorts to personifying his heart because it's easier to say "that other guy" is sorry first, and only then can he bring himself to say "and so am I".

I'm still put off by "bigged up with pride". Is "bigged up" a phrase that I am just not familiar with? I am very familiar with "swelled up with pride" but I have never heard "bigged up" with anything before. To me it sounds like someone, unfamiliar with English, trying to be colloquial.

Anyway, great job incorporating the feedback into a much improved lyric!

Vicki

18 in the 80s

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« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2016, 08:45:54 AM »
Thanks Vicki

The feedback from this forum is great and I'm leaning so much!

Many many thanks

Paul
Paul - 18 in the 80s