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Winter's Finished - WIP

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adamfarr

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« on: February 04, 2016, 04:45:37 PM »
... or should that be "Winter's Nearly Finished"  ;)

Hi All - been having fun preparing this one as my entry for the competition. Because wannabe-punkish-rockers need love too... and a few vocal harmonies...

This is probably 90% mixed I would say but I think it is time for it to leave the house and be subjected to the good taste on this forum. It already benefitted greatly from the input it got while in the lyrics section.

Any comments really appreciated - the more specific the better!


Winter's Finished
https://soundcloud.com/lutehill/winters-finished-04-02-2016c/s-6UZNN

Intro
Now that you're here
Driving all the darkness out of sight

V1
I used to wake
Shipwrecked on the icebergs of regret
But the glaciers I cried
Were vaporized and dried
By the Spring that started when we met

CH
Winters finished
And finally your daylight melts the night
I'm not shiv'ring round a candle
Any more now you're here
Driving all the darkness out of sight

V2
When I'm alone
Food and sleep are things that I forget
No more putting myself first
My clouds are fit to burst
Thawing all the icicles I wept

M8
The trees are singing,
The birds are turning tail
I want to cast the anchors off
And raise the racing sail
You laugh and say that yesterday
We hadn't yet begun
Spring's for learning how to walk:
When Summer comes we'll run...

(c) Adam Farr, 2016

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2016, 05:08:25 PM »
Hi Adam. It certainly sounds like you really enjoyed recording this. It's got your own unique touch. I really like the lyrics. Only nit would be that the vocs sounded pretty loud in the mix but I was listening on my phone with no headphones so will have to whack it through the speakers at some stage. Apart from that I really enjoyed it.

Cheers

John

PaulAds

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« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2016, 05:18:42 PM »
Wow :)

Great stuff, Adam...it's unbelievable how far you've come in such a short space of time.

It's a great, catchy song...I think if you could get the vocals to sit a little better, that'd be worth trying...maybe even just needs a touch more reverb?

Personally, I'd bring the drums in right away with the guitars at the start.

Is there a cymbal that comes in a tiny bit too early here and there?

Just nitpicking, though...really, you've done a great job with this.
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montydog

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« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2016, 05:19:24 PM »
Bleedin' hell, that's different! Lyrically, I thought this was excellent - some lovely lines such as this:

I want to cast the anchors off
And raise the racing sail

I would say that you've mixed quite a few images up from unrelated areas but that didn't bother me.

Is the drumming you actually drumming? Very good if it is and the guitar has a great gritty tone. There is definitely a very strong punk ethos here - reminds me of 1977 all over again.

This is not really my sort of thing but it does definitely have all the ingredients necessary for an enjoyable listen.

M

shadowfax

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« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2016, 07:12:31 PM »
onwards and upwards Adam.. voice seems to come and go a bit, needs some compression or automation and when using a guitar sound that takes a lot of space you should try putting a compressor on the guitar track and sidechain it from the vocal track so that every time you sing it reduces the volume of the guitars slightly, or find a frequency that is common to both and reduce it slightly in the guitars and boost it slightly in the vox..or visa versa..depends on lots of stuff really..

best, Kevin :)
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pompeyjazz

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« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2016, 10:58:41 PM »
Great stuff Adam. Just listened to this through headphones and the vocals sit absolutely fine. I love this song. One of the things I do with all my songs is to play them over a variety of devices. What sounds great on the headphones when you are finishing the mix can sound totally different on a sound system. I also employ the Mrs pompeyjazz test at each stage and as she has listened to zillions of music has some pretty good feedback. Then I play on ipod, huge speakers, small speakers etc. Love your style and inventiveness. Nice one  :)

Cheers

Pompeyjazz

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2016, 01:52:01 AM »
So original and unique. Not the first time seasons have been used as a metaphor for relationships, but definitely a new twist for me. Completely new.

I hesitate to criticize anything; it's so good (in my opinion, anyway) as it is. If I had somehow come up with these lines, I would probably spend some time on the line, "By the Spring that started when we met", trying to come up with something better. But feedback on lyrics is a little late, so forget that...

Unique intro. Your accompaniment works for me; I don't have much feedback. Just this. I was startled by the drastic change at the beginning of the middle 8. It's almost like two different songs. I don't know if that's good or bad, and I wouldn't rely on my assessment, in any case.

I totally love the ending.... :)

Vicki

adamfarr

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« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2016, 07:09:50 AM »
John - thanks a million - I do test with what I've got (and on this http://europe.beyerdynamic.com/virtual-studio.html) but I guess I am still getting my ears trained!

Paul - thanks for the encouragement - I will check all those things.

Kevin - great advice - sounds spot on - maybe I could even combine the two ideas and use a multiband with sidechain? (Oh no I think I may be becoming a "gearslut")

Vicki - thanks so much. The "met" line is certainly a bit prosaic. Maybe it's also telling not showing. Hmmm. I have had middle 8s in the past that didn't work because they were too similar to the song so maybe this one goes the other way... Anyhow thanks for the great comments and input.

Alan - I'm afraid I can't take credit as I took a strategic decision not to learn drums, so they are bought loops (with a few additions programmed in). Thanks for great comments and for listening - especially when not necessarily your cup of tea!

Thanks everyone!
« Last Edit: February 05, 2016, 07:30:55 AM by adamfarr »

shadowfax

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« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2016, 08:48:29 AM »
If you become a Gearslut Adam you'll be one up on me..I'm just a slut!! ;D ;D
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Doodles

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« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2016, 11:55:06 AM »
Hey I really like this. It has great energy and some pretty cool chord changes and melodic inflections. I love the little quiet break-out. I think the punky style suits you.

I know I've been critical of your vocal before and I still think its the weakest part of your armoury, but you obviously enjoy it, and I admire your balls for getting it out there (whereas I hide my voice behind more natural singers). Maybe you can make it work - perhaps just whacking the right effects onto it will make it stand-up more.

Top tune though and excellent progression.

Ben

« Last Edit: February 06, 2016, 11:57:53 AM by Doodles »

Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra

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« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2016, 08:09:15 AM »
Good sense of fun here Adam.

Great backing this time. You've really made great strides in that area. Guitars and drums sound really good.

Chorus is good again.....first line kicks it off really nicely which is important I think as a good hook for the listener to grab hold of...'Yeah! here comes the chorus again!'

Vocal processing still a bit off maybe but all in all the vocal sounds more assured anyway.

Don't know what you think your 10% left to do is but the thing that jumps out most to me are the transitions in a couple of places. First of all the very beginning when 'driving all the darkness out of sight comes in' is a bit ragged.....might be the guitar entry...that bit sounds ok later but has the benefit of the drums to help...at the beginning it's much more exposed. Maybe Paul is right to bring drums in right from the word go.....

The other bit is where it all comes back in again after the breakdown bit...not ragged but a bit I don't know what....sudden? I don't know. I'm having a similar problem with mine at the minute where i'm bringing in a new instrument and it sounds kind of weird....like, where the hell did that come from? Don't know how to solve it yet.....

Good work though. Really enjoying the inventiveness you're bringing to the forum with your stuff. And a great entry for the comp!
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Paulski

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« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2016, 03:51:36 PM »

Hi Adam

Lots to like about this song!
Good energy, drive, melody line, drums, etc etc :)
As far as suggs go - think the vocals are pitchy in quite a few places. Maybe sing it in a higher key (sounds like you are out of breath and lower notes take more air - damn them!) Also, maybe driving all the "coldness" out of sight would work better when winter is in the hook?

Wish it was finished - not the song, winter  ;D ;D!
Paul

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2016, 04:49:27 PM »
When I read Paulski's feedback, it reminded me I wanted to mention the pitch--meaning it sounded kind of like you were straining to sing that low and I wondered if it would sound better in a higher key. I would really like to hear you try it in a higher key.

Vicki

olivergearing

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« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2016, 10:57:16 PM »
Hi Adam,

Good song, lots of interesting bits, and your trademark lyrical skills!

I would like to hear more variation between the sections. The verse moves into the chorus without much changing from an instrumentation or production point of view. Why not try dropping one or both of the guitars out at some point, when they kick back in it will have greater impact.

Unusual but effective use of panning separate words near the end. Really made them stand out and added a great ending to a good song. I'll be singing the chorus line all day tomorrow probably!

Cheers

adamfarr

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« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2016, 01:43:44 PM »
Closing this as now moved to "Finished Songs" over at http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/song-reviews/winter's-finished-10749/

Thanks for all the latest comments:

Kevin - I am sure that is not true, but if so you would be a tuneful siren...

Doodles - thanks for great comments and very fair about the vocals - not my strongest point by far, performing or processing...

Viscount - great points as always. First transition seemed quite easy to tighten up. Second one might be doable with some rising "aaahhhs" or something possibly but on balance I think somehow it suits the style to snap out of the reverie and bash the listener over the head... Thanks for the encouraging comments!

Paulski - interesting re the key - I gravitated to this one because it felt comfortable to sing... but I can see now exactly what you mean. Alas would need almost all tracks to be redone so not for this time. But food for thought for the future. I think "darkness" matches "driving" sonically (but yes, as Alan also said, lots of mixed metaphors in this one). Thanks for great input as ever.

Vicki - You're not wrong at all - good lesson to experiment with keys before recording next time...

Oliver - many thanks. I do agree re the lack of variation but I didn't really like losing too much energy in the verse. In the "final" I've tried a few things to make it progress and "widen" a bit as it goes along.

Many thanks to all - I've said it before but any progress I make has a lot to do with getting your critiques.