[18 in the 80s]

Thoughts,  comments,  critiques all very much appreciated,  thank you. I have a rough demo of this that I intend to post in the Songs WiP also.

VERSE 1
When I was a young boy about the age of ten
My man's said we got new neighbours moving in
Now curiosity killed our cat but it hadn't killed me
So I go out in the back yard to go and take a peak

Over our back fence don't believe what I saw
There was a funny-lookin girl dancin on the lawn
My eyes got real wide like I was in a trance
I said lil girl you ain't pretty but you sure can dance

CHORUS
Yeah she can move, she can groove
Make me wanna do the two step boogaloo
She can rock out, she's a knock out
She makes me wanna get my..... dancing shoes on. ..both feet!!
She's my cooch
She's my cooch
She's ain't too cute but she knows how to move

VERSE 2
As I grew up into a young man I never let out of my sight
I'd walk her to school every morning and take her dancing every night
Me and my girl next door got ourselves a fine romance
She aint too much to look at, but she sure can dance

If take her to a club no one pay her any mind
Till she steps on the dance floor to do the bump and grind
Yeah man, your girl might be one of those city pretty girls
She might even be a contender for next years Miss World


CHORUS
But she can move, she can groove?
Make me wanna do the the two step boogaloo
My girl can rock out, she's a knock out
She makes me wanna get my..... Dancing shoes
She's my cooch
She's my cooch
She's ain't too cute but she knows how to move

VERSE 3
Can she do the The Twist, The Shag, The Shim Sham
The Bossa Nova, the Chicken Dance
The Boogie-Woogie, The Lindy Hop
The Jitterbug,  the Fox Trot

Dance like Elvis the Pelvis, M.C. Hammer
The Harlem Shuffle like Mick Jagger
The Freak, The Freddy, The YMCA
The Moonwalk,  The Merengue

Spice Girls doing Wannabe
Vogue by Madonna, the
Rumba, La Bamba, and Fandango
The Sumba, The Mambo and the Tango?

CHORUS
Yeah she can move she can groove
Make me wanna do the the two step boogaloo
She can rock out, she's a knock out
She makes me wanna get my..... Dancing shoes
She's my cooch
She's my cooch
She's ain't too cute but she knows how to move

Gonna kick out my jams and dance with my cooch
She's my girl, always has been
We do the Okey-Cokey and I put the right one in
In out in out, shake it... baby

[Paulski]

Now that was fun!
I especially liked phrases like:

you ain't pretty but you sure can dance

and

She aint too much to look at, but she sure can dance

and

If take her to a club no one pay her any mind
Till she steps on the dance floor to do the bump and grind

There are a couple of typos - like in the second line - did you mean your "old man"? and "never let her out of my sight" in verse 2?

The only other nit I have is this line:

So I go out in the back yard to go and take a peak

I think that's going to sound like "take a pee" when it's sung. Maybe "sneak a peak"?

Good stuff - looking forward to the tune 
Paul

[CaliaMoko]

Or how about "sneak a peek"--since a peak is the top of a mountain....

[Paulski]

Or how about "sneak a peek"--since a peak is the top of a mountain....

haha - my bad!

[PaulAds]

This is a great basis for a song...really well-written with loads of commercial potential

A cracking job

[18 in the 80s]

Thanks for all the positive comments and constructive feedback,  I'm very appreciative.

I've actually posted an acoustic demo of this song in the WIP Songs forum!  Which is a big deal for me as I'm not a good singer but hopefully it will people an idea of how intended to arrange it.

Thanks again

Paul