[Paulski]

OK maybe a little preachy
I have some uptempo music for it - any tweaks needed?
thanks!
Paul

This Is It!

Grampa took a fall
He's in the hospital
Just lyin' there
In intensive care
Opens up his eyes
He begins to smile
Jumps out of bed
And this is what he says:

"This is it
You only get one kick
You only get one go
You only get one throw
You only get one try
You better get it right
You only get one life
And this is it!"

Well I like to think
I'm not inclined to blink
When trouble comes to town
And tries to get me down
Don't believe it's right
To let him win that fight
I jump in that ring
And take my biggest swing

'Cause

This is it
You only get one kick
You only get one pop
You only get one shot
You only get one try
You gotta let it fly!
You only get one life
And this is it!

Well I can't complain
I've never seen much pain
And when I've had to choose
I've never had to lose
When I'm down and out
I'm not gonna pout
No, I'm gonna fill my head
With what my Grampa said

"This is it
You only get one stint
You only get one go
You only get one throw
You only get one try
So spread your wings and fly!
You only get one life
And this is it!"

You only get one try
Spread those wings and fly!
You only get one life!
And this is it!!!

[CaliaMoko]

I see one think, maybe. In the first verse, several lines are:

Opens up his eyes
He begins to smile
Jumps out of bed
And this is what he said

Maybe just me, but I would either use "opened-began-jumped"
OR
"this is what he says"

so all the verbs are the same instead of suddenly changing to a different tense on the last line.

I totally love the sentiment!

Vicki

[PaulAds]

Hello Paul

Back in the saddle and right on form.

Neat, fun and witty...I just hope Gramps didn't leave it too late...use it or lose it, as they say.

Paul

[Paulski]

I see one think, maybe. In the first verse, several lines are:

Opens up his eyes
He begins to smile
Jumps out of bed
And this is what he said

Maybe just me, but I would either use "opened-began-jumped"
OR
"this is what he says"

so all the verbs are the same instead of suddenly changing to a different tense on the last line.

I totally love the sentiment!

Vicki

Hi Vicki
Good catch - I kinda new there was an issue there - changed to "says" per your sugg.
Thank you!
Paul

[CaliaMoko]

You're welcome! It's always a privilege to be of assistance.   

[josemar]

good e.g. of a simple song, with an easily understood universal truth
Short phrases...I need that habit..

[MinuteSekunde]

Given the sentiment of how I lost someone so young last year - my sister - what you've written is actually speaking many things to me and by just reading it, its like one of those moment when particular people who can connect to what a song's message or story is, its like I understand it for that purpose.

For that reason alone, I find the parts where he speaks? so true and really well, thought words.

You've wrote a really great piece.

[IronKnee]

OK maybe a little preachy
I have some uptempo music for it - any tweaks needed?
thanks!
Paul

This Is It!

Grampa took a fall
He's in the hospital
Just lyin' there
In intensive care
Opens up his eyes
He begins to smile
Jumps out of bed
And this is what he says:

"This is it
You only get one kick
You only get one go
You only get one throw
You only get one try
You better get it right
You only get one life
And this is it!"

Well I like to think
I'm not inclined to blink
When trouble comes to town
And tries to get me down
Don't believe it's right
To let him win that fight
I jump in that ring
And take my biggest swing......."Him".....you mean trouble?
First two verses are a great start......the story is getting muddled here

'Cause

This is it
You only get one kick
You only get one pop
You only get one shot
You only get one try
You gotta let it fly!
You only get one life
And this is it!

Well I can't complain
I've never seen much pain
And when I've had to choose
I've never had to lose.............needs strengthen...a little muddled, IMHO
When I'm down and out
You won't see me pout
'cause I fill my head
With what Grampa said

"This is it
You only get one stint
You only get one go
You only get one throw
You only get one try
So spread your wings and fly!
You only get one life
And this is it!"

You only get one try
Spread those wings and fly!
You only get one life!
And this is it!!!

Good stuff, Paul........
                                                            -T0m

[Paulski]

@PaulAds, @josemar, @MinuteSekunde, @IronKnee

Thanks guys for the positive comments and great advice - all taken on board

cheers
Paul

[18 in the 80s]

The only thing I'd  add to what's been said is that I'm not to keen on the "pout" rhyme as the word seems a little forced.   I'm thinking "There's no room for doubt"

But yeah,  great lyric,  great job.

Paul

[Paulski]

The only thing I'd  add to what's been said is that I'm not to keen on the "pout" rhyme as the word seems a little forced.   I'm thinking "There's no room for doubt"

But yeah,  great lyric,  great job.

Paul

Yep - you're right about that forced spot. I changed it to "I'm not gonna pout". I still like the pout/out rhyme and now I get a little assonance with down/gonna. Hope that's an improvement
cheers for the help
Paul

[Stan9007]

Hi, Paul! I like the way you rhyme your lyrics! It looks perfect for me, really! I think that a perfect song has to rhyme perfect. Well done!

Stan

[18 in the 80s]

Great, great lyric. Just read it through again and it gets better each time!

I can almost hear the tune in my head as I read it too lol

Cheers

Paul

[seriousfun]

Neat.

I love how quick the lines are, such a great flow. Didnt get the jump in the ring and take a swing part but thats most likely just me ( its 1.00 am as I type )

Its no wonderer you are one of the best lyrycists here, you are so prolific that you get twice the ppractice as the rest of us.

Allan.

[Paulski]

Thanks again to all commenters!

@Stan9007

cheers Stan - yeah must say I like things that rhyme too!

@18 in the 80s

Thanks for the +tive comments. I have a rocky tune in my brain for this, but think I stole it from a Buddy Holliday song...

@seriousfun

Hi Allan - now UR being 2 kind! But appreciate the compliment anyway. I was thinking boxing ring but maybe trouble should try to "knock" him down to make it clearer