I can't listen to your song, since it's on YouTube and I don't have enough bandwidth to watch videos (I'll try to remember to check it out next time I'm in a wi-fi hot spot in town). But I can speak to the lyrics (only from my own perspective, of course).
I usually don't do feedback on YouTube songs since not being able to hear them is a handicap, but I had to make an exception for your song because of your approach to the topic. It reminds me of two of my favorite other songs--"Star Songs" (to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle") by David Britton (can't find a link to it right now) and a song by four scientists who wrote a science-related song to the tune of "The Longest Time". It's somewhere on YouTube.
I saw one thing that felt to me like it doesn't quite fit--in this verse, err, bridge? (I'm a bit dependent on labels--you know, like VERSE. CHORUS. BRIDGE. etc):
I say you're pullin' on my heart my dear
Rips away my atmosphere
I say your pullin' on my heart sweetie
In towards your singularity
Anyway, it's the second line. Verbs are so complex. First line says (and this fits with the rest of the song) "I say you're pullin' (pulling) on my heart...". "Pullin' " is what is called "present continuous". "[It] Rips away my atmosphere." "Rips", on the other hand, is "present simple". It's the only place you break the pattern. To be consistent, it would have to say "ripping" or "rippin' ".
It's possible I'm misunderstanding what you're saying, so take or leave my feedback, as suits your purpose. As I said, I really like the way you went with this lyric. I hope I get to hear it one of these days.
Vicki
