[Classicvw]

Hey guys,

so i changed my last lyrics slightly. I hope this is an improvement. If not please be brutally honest with me.

My head wants to leave you go. But it’s easier said than done.
My hearts saying no. Its agreeing none
You are a little thief. You stole my breath. You stole my heart. You stole all my thoughts and torn my world apart



Why did you have to be so amazing! I can never look at another partner the same. I can’t sleep the same without dreaming about you. I can’t drink the same without thinking of you.
I’ve never experienced this feeling before. Why does my heart travel a million miles per hour when I see you? Why does my depression hit a new level when I’m not with you?



How do I tell you how I feel without sounding obsessive? Do you even believe me? Will you believe me after this song?
I know sometimes I come across as possessive. I have no right. When I’m not with you it feels wrong.
It hurts when the person I think about the most is probably not even taking a second thought to me
I’m currently in a losing battle. I’m fighting for that feeling you gave me



Why did you have to be so amazing! I can never look at another partner the same. I can’t sleep the same without dreaming about you. I can’t drink the same without thinking of you.
I’ve never experienced this feeling before. Why does my heart travel a million miles per hour when I see you? Why does my depression hit a new level when I’m not with you?



I wish I could experience the taste of your lips again. I wish I could view the beauty of your eyes again
Been writing this song for too long, and all its doing is causing pain
I always believed people who fall in love fast are naïve and stupid, but look at me now
I’ve known the love I have for you longer than the amount of time spent with you. But how?



Why did you have to be so amazing! I can never look at another partner the same. I can’t sleep the same without dreaming about you. I can’t drink the same without thinking of you.
I’ve never experienced this feeling before. Why does my heart travel a million miles per hour when I see you? Why does my depression hit a new level when I’m not with you?


Maybe this song is an explanation of what I feel. Maybe it’s about letting you know my love is real. Whatever it means, the underlining truth is I need you.
The word beautiful is redefined when I see you. If the world was an art gallery, you would be my Mona Lisa
So please give me another chance Harrietta

[den]

I think you have to decide what you want this to be, if its a poem to a lost love then I think its a lovely piece of work, if its a song about lost love, then there are some great lines in this.
I really think you have to look at the overall piece and cut it down somewhat.
its far to long and personal to you, but as I say, there are some great moments in there for a good song. I hope this helps.
regards den.

[Classicvw]

hey den

thanks so much for your feedback. what lines do you think are not so good? if I take these lines out do you reckon it may start sounding like a song?

[den]

I have made out a very rough version which picks out some moments you can build on, im sure there are many others on here who will help you also, good luck with this.

My head wants to leave you go. But it’s easier said than done.
You stole all my thoughts and torn my world apart
Why did you have to be so amazing! I can never look at another girl the same way again
 I can’t sleep the same without dreaming about you. I can’t drink without thinking of you.
Why do i feel so bad when im not with you
 How do I tell you how I feel
Do you even believe me?
It hurts when the person I think about the most is probably not even taking a second thought to me
I wish I could taste your lips again
i wish i could see that beauty in your eyes
Why did you have to be so amazing! I can never look at another girl the same way again
 I can’t sleep the same without dreaming about you. I can’t drink without thinking of you.

[Classicvw]

hey den

so do you think it sounds better without the rhyming?

thanks so much for making a lot of effort in helping me out

[den]

as I say, im sure there are others on here who will point you in the right way, all I have done is cut your version down into something you can build on, make it rhyme, but keep it simple is my advice.

[Classicvw]

cheers! can't thank you enough den!