[18 in the 80s]

Please read,  I'd appreciate feedback both good and bad,  and btw am looking for a collaborator to record a demo.

Thanks in advance


TITLE - Ya gimme the toots

VERSE 1
Ya gimme the toots
From my heads to my boots
Just looking at you
You gimme the toots

In a crowded room
Or just me and you
The things that you do
They gimme the toots


PRE - CHORUS
Just a smile, a glance, a stare
Reminds me I could never forget
And the ties that bind us together for ever
Is my reason for breathing my reason for living
I love every minute as long as you're innit
Cos I know you'll gimme you'll gimme, you'll gimme


CHORUS
You' gimme the toots
The rooty toot toots
Doobie Doobie Do
You gimme the toots


VERSE 2
And you always did do
I was cool and aloof
Until I met you
And you gave me the toots

And last night with you
You were so smooth
When you got in my groove
And gave me the toots


PRE-CHORUS
Just a smile, a glance, a stare
Reminds me I could never forget
And the ties that bind us together for ever
Is my reason for breathing my reason for living
I love every minute as long as you're innit
Cos I know you'll gimme you'll gimme, you'll gimme

CHORUS
You gimme the toots
The rooty toot toots
Doobie Doobie Do
You gimme the toots


VERSE 3
You gimme the toots
With your tiger tattoos
Your eyes are so blue
You're just so cute

You gimme the toots
There is no dispute
No choice to choose
but I do get confused

So here's a question for you
Just tell me the truth
When you gimme the toots
Do I give em to you?
 
CHORUS FADE OUT
Do I give em to you?
Do I give em to you?
Do I give em to you?
Do I give em to you?

You gimme the toots
Do I give em to you?
You gimme the toots
Do I give em to you?
 
 
 
 

[tomcrocus]

Your'e getting no bad feedback from me for this one,
hey man i love it,it's got a great beat throughout,i believe
this is your first post on the lyrics section,what a start,
what else have you got in your locker?
                                                     big thumbs up from me,
                                                                                       Tom.

[18 in the 80s]

Thanks Tom

Much appreciate your feedback socially as it's my first post here

I really like this site and am looking forward to participating in it a lot.

Like you say the lyrics have a certain rhythm but I've not put them to music yet,  looking fir collaboration on that side.

I've plenty more sins and lyrics which I'll be posting and contributing feedback to others too

Thanks again

Paul

[diademgrove]

Hi Paul,

I think you have some great lyrics and I like the way the verses and chorus work well together. My only problem is with the pre-chorus, I find it a little clunky. I hear Just your smile, just your glance, just your stare, Please take a chance then the chorus.

Feel free to ignore my suggestions if you disagree,

Keith

[18 in the 80s]

Hi Keith

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts,  I'll be definitely considering how to take a chance with that pie chorus,  although I do quite like it but maybe that's more of a bridge.  I want the pre chorus to add some character to the lyric but am not entirely sure what the best way to do that is. ...

I'm open to suggestions! 

Any ideas?

[diademgrove]

Hi Paul,

I hear the song as I wish you'd say yes which is why I made the suggestion to cut the pre-chorus down.

I like the idea of changing the bulk of the lyrics in the pre to a bridge. By slightly changing the approach to something like

Your my reason for breathing,
Your my reason for breathing
I love every minute
when you're in it (I hear the bridge as slower than the verse and chorus and lasting 8 bars)
Because you gimme gimme etc for as long as the usual pre

which nicely sets up the last chorus.

Hope that helps,

Keith

[18 in the 80s]

Hi and thanks again,

I've almost finished the second draft.

I have to say, if it weren't for you guys I probably would have stuck with my first draft and not had the cottage to take the chance to improve!

Many, msny thanks

I think I like this site!

[Neil C]

Welcome,
Lots to like here, reads positive and upbeat. My only suggestion has been made by Keith so I'll leave it there.
Simply and sunny.
 
Neil