[7Nanovirus]

Hey guys here's the following of coma that i posted before. This one is way less dark than the others. I hope you'll like it.


Reanimation :


I'm laying lifeless on this bed
All i need is a defibrillation
I'm so weak i'm feeling dead
Transfer me to reanimation

You are the shock that woke me up
A heart-aiming strike to save me
Now my beating is speeding up
Thanks to your electricity

Love is finally flowing
I can feel it through my veins
And the air i'm breathing
Feels like heaven's oxygen

I'm free,  awoken and alive
And my eyes can open
I feel, i love and i revive
'cause my heart is no longer broken

You are the shock that woke me up
A heart-aiming strike to save me
Now my beating is speeding up
Thanks to your electricity

[KaelJay]

This is not very deep enough to connect to people. This is just a song with less emotion. I would like to see more descriptiveness and soul into it. Correct me if if I'm wrong with the song's story.

Verse 1:
This is good part. It's about a person who's alone in and need somebody. It's in the middle, if I can say. It needs more thrill. The word ""reanimation" is too vague and it makes the message less clear.

Chorus:
This one could be a bit better. The electricity metaphor is cheesy and impractical in the part. "Thanks to your electricity" is a very objective line. Probably need to use more practical words to make it seem really.

Verse 2:
This one is my favourite part. This really connects to the story and progresses the story well. No problem's here!

Verse 3:
This is a continuous to Verse 2. There's no new twist with the story. This doesn't thrill the song. More detail and twist.

This really has potential. Solid Song!

Mikael

[GTB]

Well, I never saw 'defibrillation' used in a song before, well done for that!
I think the story flows ok and your point comes over clearly.
GTB

[mickeytwonames]

The're are some good lines in here
You are the shock that woke me up
being my favourite.
IMHO it's a song that need a re-think