I see no one has commented on your song, so I'll provide my 2 cents' worth, if I can. I did have a little trouble understanding the meaning of your song. Anyway, here we go with the Chorus/Interlude:
When you call, I’ll say that “I Miss You”
Won’t hang up the phone, and wait for you to come back
I can’t wait from this linger, for you to answer
You’re far apart, be here soon
The first line is clear to me, but I'm struggling with the rest of the chorus--especially "I can’t wait from this linger, for you to answer". What are you saying here? Did you mean "longer" instead of "linger". Or are you lingering as you wait for an answer? And the last line: "You're far apart" doesn't make sense to me. I would understand if you said, "We're far apart [like, from each other]
Actually, the verse as a whole confuses me. At first it sounds like you're saying you won't wait for someone to come back. Then the last line ends with "be here soon". Now, it may be that you're going for a certain feel or mood and I'm just missing the point.
Okay, next the first verse:
It was last November that we last saw each other
Before you move to the North
It was chilly like any winter
But we danced the night away
This verse is mostly clear. I recommend re-writing the first line to get rid of two instances of the word "last" so close together. The second line should say, "Before you moved (not move) to the North". Then you end with "But we danced the night away" which seems to imply you're dancing somewhere in the cold, in spite of the chilly weather. ?
Now these two lines:
Separated Apart, with a distance connection
Just remember we have each other’s number
I think you're saying you're so far apart that phone calls are long distance? But at least you're connected because you have each other's numbers. I don't like the first line. If I understood it correctly, I would recommend something like:
So far apart, connected only by long distance phone service (I know this won't fit your rhythm, but it's the idea I think you're going for?)
Now verse 2:
It might be emotional in my eyes
Thinking of you in my days
In my home at night, the sky is gray
Waiting for a replying tone
I’m just holding on,
Doubting that you should’ve not flown
Here it sounds like you're saying, "Thinking of you brings tears to my eyes," first. Then "I wait at home under gray skies for a call from you." Then the last two-line section: "I'm just holding on" sounds good to me, but "Doubting that you should've not flown" doesn't mean anything to me. Are you saying, "I don't think you should have left" or maybe "You shouldn't have left me"--something like that?
And finally, the bridge
Even if nothing will ever happen
Somewhere, you still love me
I may jerk a tear
But still wishing you’ll come back here
Let me see if I understand this verse: Even though nothing may ever come of this, I believe you still love me. I may cry because I miss you. I'm still wishing you would come back [to me].
*******
I'm no expert and I might be way out of line, but I think your lyrics do need some work. To me they sound confusing, awkward, and disjointed. In fact, I'm wondering if your first language is something other than English? Your lyrics remind me of someone who isn't sure how to write in English. I don't know how to recommend improving your lyrics without simply rewriting the words myself. And since I'm not totally clear on what you are trying to say (although I'm guessing it's a story of someone you love who has gone away and now your only connection is by telephone; you're sad about that and wish the person would come back--am I close?), I might come up with words that aren't at all what you had in mind.
I noticed there are no rhymes in this song. Is this for a particular effect? Songs usually have rhyming elements.
I'm sorry to be so negative. I would like to be more constructive. Maybe if you provide an idea of what you are trying to say, I (or someone) can be more helpful. That being said, I do hope you will be able to find something helpful in this feedback. I think the song definitely has potential. I'd like to hear what you're thinking for a melody and rhythm for this piece. Sometimes hearing a song the way it's meant to be performed makes all the difference.
