[hardtwistmusic]

Wrote this several weeks ago, and kind of gave up on it as unsalvagable.

Then, I chanced across it today, and it didn't look so bad after all.  

I REALLY need some clarity about the potential for this poem/song.  Thank you in advance.  

Agent of Change

[/b]

VERSE:    
If nothing ever changes,
That probly changes everything.
If today's the same as yesterday,
the worlds a different place.  

VERSE:  
If nothing that we hear or see
can change the way we live.  
That sad, unyielding attitude
Reveals our fearful face.  

CHORUS:  
The man who wants to keep the world the same
So bittersweet the irony when he tries to rig the game
He's nothing more, he's nothing less than an agent of change"

VERSE:  
Everything changes, and
it all remains the same.    
Love begets indifference
if not thoroughly maintained.  

The man in love with yesterday
should hang his head in grief.  
Yesterday is lost to us.  
We'll never find the thief.  

CHORUS:  
The man who wants to keep the world the same
So bittersweet the irony when he tries to rig the game
He's nothing more, he's nothing less than an agent of change"  


BRIDGE:  
We're agents of change in spite of ourselves.  
Refusing to decide is a decision.  
No refuge from change can ever be found
in science, life,  or religion.  

CHORUS:  
The man who wants to keep the world the same
So bittersweet the irony when he tries to rig the game
He's nothing more, he's nothing less than an agent of change"  


BRIDGE to out:  
We're agents of change in spite of ourselves.  
Refusing to decide is a decision.  
No refuge from change can ever be found
in science, life or religion.  

[diademgrove]

Hi Verlon,

the second line of verse 1 foxed me. I didn't really like the "That". I'd be tempted to use "It" thereby linking line 1 with line 2. I think getting rid of the chorus between verse 1 and 2 would help the flow of the song. Builds up the information we have before the punch line in the chorus.

I think the chorus is good but could be strengthened a little:

"The man who wants to keep the world the same
So bittersweet the irony when he tries to rig the game
He's nothing less, he's nothing less than an agent of change"

Just a few subtle changes but I think it is more consistent with your message.

I would change the last line to "The second it ends"

I would consider making "The man in love with yesterday...etc" as verse 3 with "Everything changes... etc" as verse 4.

So you'd get verse 1 and 2, chorus verse 3 and 4, chorus, bridge, chorus, bridge (or chorus) to fade.

Just my thoughts, feel free to take what you need and leave the rest.

A very interesting way of looking at life, even when things seem the same they are changing.

Keith

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon,

the second line of verse 1 foxed me. I didn't really like the "That". I'd be tempted to use "It" thereby linking line 1 with line 2. I think getting rid of the chorus between verse 1 and 2 would help the flow of the song. Builds up the information we have before the punch line in the chorus.

I think the chorus is good but could be strengthened a little:

"The man who wants to keep the world the same
So bittersweet the irony when he tries to rig the game
He's nothing less, he's nothing less than an agent of change"

Just a few subtle changes but I think it is more consistent with your message.

I would change the last line to "The second it ends"

I would consider making "The man in love with yesterday...etc" as verse 3 with "Everything changes... etc" as verse 4.

So you'd get verse 1 and 2, chorus verse 3 and 4, chorus, bridge, chorus, bridge (or chorus) to fade.

Just my thoughts, feel free to take what you need and leave the rest.

A very interesting way of looking at life, even when things seem the same they are changing.

Keith

Thanks Keith.  That was a bit of a lifeline you threw me.  I could "feel" that there were subtle things to improve, but could not see them. 

I used every piece of advice you gave because I felt that each of them moved the lyric in a very positive direction.  Thank you. 

[diademgrove]

Hi Verlon,

you did all the hard work with an interesting subject and a set of lyrics that was almost, but not quite, there.

Keith

[Arkwright]

This is the Verlon I've come to know and love (in a macho man hug kind of way)...

Wonderfully ambiguous and slightly cryptic. Love that you've avoided any obvious rhymes with the exception of 'thief' and 'grief'

I'm getting a bit of a 1970's prog rock feel for some reason, Supertramp springs to mind which is never a bad thing.

Great piece of writing my friend.

[hardtwistmusic]

This is the Verlon I've come to know and love (in a macho man hug kind of way)...

Wonderfully ambiguous and slightly cryptic. Love that you've avoided any obvious rhymes with the exception of 'thief' and 'grief'

I'm getting a bit of a 1970's prog rock feel for some reason, Supertramp springs to mind which is never a bad thing.

Great piece of writing my friend.

Manly macho hug gratefully accepted and returned in kind.  ;o) 

I currently have no clue what direction to take this musically.  If inspiration never strikes, it will languish for a long time.  One never knows.  Anyone who wanted to take a crack at it would be entirely welcome. 

[Jambrains]

Anyone who wanted to take a crack at it would be entirely welcome. 

I'm badly tempted.... 

[Paulski]

Hi Verlon

Reads like a quandary wrapped inside an enigma to me
Think that's what makes it so interesting.
I couldn't get a meter going in my head for the chorus though - that part might be a challenge musically IMO but maybe I'm just not hearing it well enough.

Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon

Reads like a quandary wrapped inside an enigma to me
Think that's what makes it so interesting.
I couldn't get a meter going in my head for the chorus though - that part might be a challenge musically IMO but maybe I'm just not hearing it well enough.

Paul

What's interesting is that the chorus is the only part that I DO have a musical idea for. 

Thanks for the feedback Paul.  Always appreciated and listened intently to.

[Vintage54]

  Hi Verlon,
     My reply would be pretty much the same as Paulskis. It's a maze, and i'm still trying to find my way in, and out. Ok, we're obviously addressing change here, leaving the past behind and moving on. But verse 4. The man in love with yesterday etc.. Should i hang my head? cos i'm always looking back to better days, and isn't looking back also change? Change can point in any direction, don't you think?
Love it though man, it's a thought provoker.

                            Don't change
                               Vintage54

[hardtwistmusic]

  Hi Verlon,
     My reply would be pretty much the same as Paulskis. It's a maze, and i'm still trying to find my way in, and out. Ok, we're obviously addressing change here, leaving the past behind and moving on. But verse 4. The man in love with yesterday etc.. Should i hang my head? cos i'm always looking back to better days, and isn't looking back also change? Change can point in any direction, don't you think?
Love it though man, it's a thought provoker.

                            Don't change
                               Vintage54

I just wrote it.  That doesn't mean I know what it means.  I suspect that it's a commentary on just how cryptic and confusing the subject of change really is.  But what it actually means is really up to every "beholder" of the lyric.  I'm no more an expert (at least in this case) than any other "listener." 

My subconscious probably knows what I meant.  I do not.  I hope that doesn't sound too strange. 

Thanks for the input.