[mickeytwonames]

Haunting riff that give a rainy quality to the production. i agree with the comment about too many syllables but that's nit-picking a fine and original track. You can rain on my parade anytime :-)

[pompeyjazz]

 Hi Adam. I am listening to this again for about the fifth time. This song is so clever. I am appreciating the subtle nuances that you have dropped in. Love this song
 yes of course there are millions of things that can be done production wise. I have just spent two hours working on eq on a song that it took me 30 mins to lay down but can make things sound So different. Great work Adam. I wish I had your patience and attention to detail 😁

Pompeyjazz

[ShinyThang]

Nice, simple, clear intro. I liked that. The vocals seemed to me to come it at an odd place. I like the bass which lays a good foundation in fact, all the backing is excellent when you listen carefully. I see now how everything is very strongly supporting the plaintive lyric and strained delivery.

For me there are far too few rhymes in the lyric but there are plenty of good lines to play with. Verse 2 line 2 is very strong but let down by the relative clumsiness of line 1. The chorus, for me, is the strongest part of the song. Which is a good thing I think?

Honestly, I didn't like this on first listen but after 4 or 5 listens I do. For my preference the lyric needs more rhymes and, perhaps be more specific.

[montydog]

Hi Adam,

There are some great phrases and ideas in the lyrics and the overall frame of the song is fine. For me, the lyrics need some polishing to add more rhymes or half rhymes because it can sound clunky at times. Always hard to tell a story and not be confined by what rhymes and what doesn't but the skill is to make melody and lyrics pull the listener in. This song doesn't always do that. Musical accompaniment was a little distracting for me and also the vocal lacks confidence.

It sounds like I'm being overly critical which is not my intention. I think this is great attempt to tell this story and you are clearly coming on at a good rate. It is not derivative which in itself is a hard trick to pull off.

M

[psyve]

Adam,

Interesting story, glad you gave us a background: there is a Sleepless in Seattle sort of romance to it that appeals to me.

Not sure about the recording itself though. As others have indicated before me it feels a little ... clunky.

I think the lyric too needs someresolving, particularly with the meter and rhyme.

An odd one but interesting all the same.

Good luck with this.

Psyve

[adamfarr]

Thanks again for all the input... Sometimes I feel I am hitting the ball OK; sometimes I feel I can't even get it over the net...

- Donna: thanks for all the detailed comments: for sure better phrasing ("for an HOUR" rather than "FOR an hour" etc.) and smoothing out the pauses is great advice. Regina Spektor singing this - would really be something...

- Nooms: thanks so much - I think you were one of the people who commented on my first song and convinced me that I could do a vocal if I worked at it (still working!)

- MusicmanSam: great ears - I checked and I did boost the vocal at around 3K, trying to create more separation from the guitars but it does now sound a bit stark. I think the 'ducking' effect is probably clumsy compression/limiting on the master. Long way to go...

- Viscount: as ever, love getting the benefit of your considered analysis. Yes, I was going for vulnerability, so that's good if that came across. For the verses I was going for a kind of 'blurty' emotionality, but I think there's no getting away from the fact that they should be honed down to scan better. And a solo piano line might be an idea rather than or together with the tinny guitar. I do appreciate the comments re the writing. Hopefully the rest will follow and all come together in time.

- PaulAds: if you liked it then that's good enough for me. Thanks for your support and encouragement.

- Mickeytwonames: many thanks - yes, the descending riff was supposed to be a bit rainlike...

- Pompeyjazz: thanks again! My instinct is always to be subtle but obviously that's a two edged sword if I don't grab the listener the first time... Lots to think about!

- Shinythang: thanks so much for taking the time to listen more than once. (Rather pleased with the comments on the backing and especially the bass playing!)

- Montydog: all your comments very valid. Thanks especially for the comment re originality, that means a lot - but agree that ideally the rest needs to be on a par.

- Psyve: thanks for listening. The story is great and glad you appreciated it. Striving to get better in all aspects.

Cheers everyone.

[Frenchy]

Hi Adam,

What I love above the song is the concept and the the lyrics, there are some real gems in there, well done.
In terms of overall production you are improving vastly compared to some of the earlier pieces. I really love the real organic approach to the choice of instruments and placement in the mix. There are a few obvious problems, one of which the guitar lines in the intro seemed dissonant to me and not in the key of the song, but I didn't notice it anywhere else in the piece, it could just be me !

In terms of the songwriting, my overall view, and I've heard it in your other songs, is that the music and phrasing are not working together enough as a unit in order to support the emotion of the song. All the elements seem to be well put together but there is no overall unity, and each piece of the jigsaw when put together doesn't paint one whole picture. It all seems a bit too fragmented with albeit many great ideas in there but unfortunately pulling in a few directions. It leads to confusion and the feeling that something isn't quite right. Hey, it's only my opinion, I'm probably way off the mark, and it didn't stop me enjoying the song !

Well done

Regards,
Frenchy     

[Paulski]

Hi Adam

Well that was different and I like different  !
Lyrics are solid and I like the tinny guitar motif going on throughout - it gives it an original flavour.
Good choice on the 6/8 time - got me swaying in time.
The mix could be improved I think - the vocals seemed a bit loud and dry in places for me and I think it would flow better with a sustaining instrument (maybe an organ or cello would work). I thought the word "rain" at the end of the chorus seemed like it was out of chord (not out of tune but maybe just the way I heard it.

Every song you post is better than the last - keep going!
Paul

[Wolfini]

Yes, the story worked for me well enough from the lyrics alone. I was scratching my head a bit about the third line in the song and the second line in the chorus. Why does she know what a great impact she had on his life? Wouldn't she be more aware of her own emotions, and maybe wondering about his, than the other way round? But apart from that the mood and feelings were transported very nicely with just enough mysteries to make the song interesting.

I really liked the background vocals on the chorus, they sound very good to my ears and lifted the chorus to a new level above the verse, which is as it should be  I guess.

Bye Wolfi

[digger72]

Hi Adam,

I think the song certainly has something about it. Maintained the interest.
Nice melodies and backing vocals.
Thought the vocal wasn't quite sat in the track.
Liked when the drum came in - perhaps would have it fade in earlier over a longer period?

Different - in a good way.

Digger

[olivergearing]

Great concept for a song, however it's good that you are not too specific in my opinion. This way this song can still be related to by people who don't the story.

I like the idea of the guitar riffs working together in harmony, plus live the use of the harmony vocals in the chorus.

You've been clever with the instrumentation as well. Was that a marching soldier at the if the song, wandering off?

I've heard a few of your tracks now, and this is by far the most polished. I think you're doing a really great job with the rest or ding and mixing. My only bugbear for this song is that it felt like it took a while to land in the pocket of the groove at the outset. Once the song was flowing it landed, but it's worth trying to get there sooner.

Nice one

[adamfarr]

Just a quick thank you to those who took the time to listen and comment!

- Frenchy: Thanks for great comments and encouragement, and going into some detail. The "pulling in one direction" thing really gives me something to think about - I had tried to keep it interesting but perhaps the result is that no two sections sound the same. Hmmm...

- Paulski: many thanks - I do have a tendency to want to use the vocal to add some sort of "jazzlike" chord extension at times. Not always deliberate so something to watch out for... Re the sustaining instruments I couldn't really find a sound I liked - tried to connect things with bass pads, reverby guitars and BVs but clearly not quite the same...

- Wolfini: thanks for a different perspective on the lyrics. My thought was that she clearly knew what she had done for him, but that she felt the need to say, hey, don't forget my side of the story too. And thanks re the BVs - they are the things that I currently seem to have the most fun with...

- digger: yes, the vocal did seem quite harsh so I have done a bit of remixing with that in mind. I did like the idea of no drums for two verses to give me somewhere else to go, but it may have been a bit of a step too far. Many thanks for listening!

- oliver: yes, you nailed it, that was the army taking her back to her "wars"! As with digger, I see the point re the groove coming in so late. This may be partly due to starting with 2 verses and taking my time to get to a chorus. Here I think we need the context, but probably not a good habit generally... Thanks for the encouragement - small steps forward each time.

Thanks all - slight remix at the top if at all interested, based partly on all the great comments.