[schahinmusic]

Hi Guys,

I was wondering what you think about my pop song ''Your Love Is Plastic''. It has been critized a bit for its lyrics. What parts are good and which lines would you change? Always grateful for feedback. Here are the lyrics:


Your Love is Plastic
(verse)
have you always been so ferocious?
or was i tricked by fake emotions?
get out of my sight,
want you out of my mind
aurevoir! sans moi! ( french)

has my mind always been that flexible
I was blind and you were just terrible
but now I'm glad to see the back of you
au revoir, casse toi!

(Prechorus)
And now you recognize I'm blessing in disguise?
Why did you have add fuel to the fire ?
stay where you are, don't you dare turn around
don't you dare turn around now!

(Chorus)
Cause your love
is plastic, I don't want to stay
I'm going home
I didn't come to ertertain
you were wrong
when you said our love is gold
cause plastic's not useful
Who is the one who has to fall_

(Verse)
Have you ever thought about things that went wrong?
its getting tough and you're hiding behind walls
let your mind speak cause there's no repeat
its over, o-over

(Prechorus)
(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Disappointment hurts and lets
my feelings become such a mess
When I'm mad I don't know myself
don't know myself..

(Chorus)

[diademgrove]

Welcome to the Forum,

you may like to have a read of our rules to get the full benefit of our community.

The main problem with your lyrics is that you have a great opening couple of lines but you get to the punch straight away . So in the first verse you set the scene, you thought you were getting somebody who would love you like you loved them but then you get the pay off. Its over, end of song. No real need to read on. The story needs developing to keep people's interest. I would have the first two verses reflect the confusion in your mind, am I right or am I wrong to doubt your love. Same with the chorus. I'd answer the question in the bridge and finish with a chorus which strips out the ambiguity in the first choruses.

If you disagree please ignore me.

Keith

[GTB]

Hi Schahinmusic, and welcome.
It's a great concept and you have lots of 'material ' there to work with, but you may struggle to make it fit to music With different numbers of syllables on some lines. Also, I think the last line of the chorus spoils it as I was expecting something to contrast with 'gold' - actually gold isn't all that useful either when you think about it, whereas plastic...
Diadem grove made some good suggestions there too 😀
Maybe you could focus on some other contrasting characteristics of plastic and gold: desirability, longevity, worth?

You have a good song here in the making and I look forward to see how it develops 😀

[schahinmusic]

Thanks to both of you.
@GTB: Yeah, I agree, I wanted to change the last two lines of the chorus anyway but haven't come up with a good idea yet.