[Vintage54]

      Is this just verse, or can it sing, and does it need a chorus?

                                   Close.

             I may as well close this heart to love
             So rarely is it pure
             It's aim to me is never true
             It's wages always poor
             Yet should it knock again, i fear
             That i would let it enter
             And hope when cupid bends his bow
             His arrow strikes the center

             I may as well close these eyes to love
             For though the moon is bright
             There lies a cold and darker side
             Behind it's dazzling light
             Yet should it fill this sky again
             And catch me in it's beam
             I pray it's glory never sets
             Nor clouds come in between

             I may as well close these lips to love
             For though it's kiss enraptures
             It's darting tongue is oftimes false
             Deceiving those it captures
             Yet should some other lips entice
             And whisper words so tender
             I fear the only choice would be
             To willingly surrender.


                          Vintage54

[igg]

Vintage,

This is so beautiful and evocative...The delicacy of the images and vulnerability is spectacular....
My favorite of your pieces....

igg

[hardtwistmusic]

I instantly found a reasonably dramatic and easily applied vocal melody.  I can't find ANY reason it wouldn't take a tune. 

[PaulAds]

Close. And a cigar 

[tomcrocus]

If the guys say it's got a tune then it's got a tune,
this to me is a gorgeous piece of poetry,
                                                        Tom.

[physicalscotch]

Wow. I loved this man. I can really feel myself in this piece. It is very beautifully sewn together with the first lines. The structure of this is similar to my pieces, no chorus or bridge, just words flowing. Maybe that's why I like it so much!

It was a pleasure to read.

Best,
Jacob

[Paulski]

Nice one Vintage - can see this as a show tune myself.
The lights go down, a soloist sings it in a soft spotlight.
Doesn't need to be cheapened with a chorus IMO - maybe BG singers softly repeating "Close" would work to drive the hook home.

Paul

[olivergearing]

Lovely lovely words...

I think that it would definitely be a verse in my book, all that fantastic analogous prose would really help set up a simpler hook or chorus (I like Paulski's idea).

The rhymes are just delicious...

[lillypilly]

Hey Vintage

This piece is gorgeous, I have read it through numerous times and can picture it as an unaccompanied song

 

[Neil C]

Just lovely as it is.
 
Neil

[Neil C]

Just lovely as it is.
 
Neil

[GTB]

Hi Vintage, this is pure poetry, I'm very impressed.