[MartiMedia]

Hi all,

This is a song I took out of the fridge, at that time I was not completely happy with it. It's a pop/r&b style song (a different style then you may be used to coming from my camp).

https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/why

Composed, wrote and recorded this song myself in december 2014 . It's about 'not being able to see each others beauty anymore', inspired on a true life personal story (the relationship with my father) in which 'one-way judgement' caused 'not being able to see each others good intentions'.

Before I will start ajusting and tweaking this one I'd like feedback on:
-Does the lead vocal need more sparkle? I think it sounds as if there's only bass and mids. And would the song improve if I'd start singing more variations in the end of the song? Or does consistency (like how it is) work better for you?
-Do the lyrics make sense? I'm not a native english speaker (dutch) so that's always difficult for me to 'judge'.
-How does the production sound? Too boomy? Too much highs?

Known bugs:
-'Pride' in the verses sounds like 'Price', I'll correct that.
-The 'solo' nylon guitar is a synth I played on my keyboard, I have a nylon guitar, but the strings are broken. I'll fix that too.

Why

I believed in your vision of life,
Of how small the world should be.
You were my teacher and I didn't know better,
I was only your perfect me.

I've been feeling so weird when I landed,
Life was so much bigger than what I was taught.
There was endless space... to define myself,
But you were scared to let me go.

CHORUS

I've always been yours and I'll always be.
And I still don't understand your way of seeing me
If you could look through the tears in my eyes,
...And see my pride, would you ask me why?

I let you go, because you lost me
You felt only pain whenever I was proud
We all want to be and we all should be
But seeing that was never ever allowed

Life became my own since yesterday,
Not controlled by your deepest fears
How can you ever, ever really love me?
When you're drowning in your own tears..

BRIDGE

If you ever find out, that you're just human after all
Imperfect in everyones eyes, but just you
You need 2 know I see you, for who you are
And then please ask ME, for once please ask ME why...

[igg]

Hi Marti,

This is fabulous!!  
Super laid back funky bass with that chimey rhodes setting the mood...
I love the progression and the builds throughout the song....But surely the highlight  are your soulful vocals.!!!  I don't think you need more sparkle... I suppose you could boost 10-12k a little...but I think the vocal is positioned perfectly against the muted tones surrounding it... Awesome man!!!!  
And of course, you could always use some soulful chics groovin' in the BG....

The lyrics could use a little more focus..... the language doesn't match the vibe exactly...a little too cerebral....Hey, but that is just my opinion....What do I know....?

igg

[shadowfax]

It's acceptable as is my friend, yeah the vox could have a bit more sparkle but it doesn't make or break the song, the bridge sounded a bit clunky to my ears though..

it could be mastered differently of course..but that would be an individuals personal taste..
as I said..as is sounds good to me..
I wouldn't go for the variation in singing at the end..and the lyrics sound fine maybe try..
If you looked through my tears  instead of If you could look through my tears..less clunky to sing I think..

best, Kevin

[PaulAds]

this is lovely, MM

your singing is fab - as usual - i love the organ too.

i kind of missed the bass when it dropped out, but then again, i love playing bass too much!

to me...it has quite a late-80's Anita Baker sort of feel to it which is really nice...

i'm very impressed how you can growl them out and bang out some chunky guitar or smoothly croon a sweeter groove...and write great songs to do it in!

an excellent song, my friend 

[mondobongo]

Fantastic song. So emotional when you hear about the background to it. The lyrics are beautiful. I think the vocal is fine as it is, the "S"s come through nicely and adding sparkle might make them sizzle a bit. I love the bass which works very well with the electric piano. Afraid I can't comment on the production being boomy as I have only been able to listen on headphones so far. I would love to hear the backing vocals a bit more. I think a real nylon guitar will make a huge difference to this. Your voice is as ever excellent. Great stuff!

[den]

fabulous, I was thinking throughout this song, micheal Jackson could have sung this, then it was Phil Collins, it would have been a major hit for both of them. superb production. cant fault it in any way,
sorry if I ignored your vocal, but this had the sort of thing that micheal or phil would have had a big hit with and it just made me think that all the way through.
but that aint a bad thing is it.
love it.

[MartiMedia]

Hi Marti,

This is fabulous!!  
Super laid back funky bass with that chimey rhodes setting the mood...
I love the progression and the builds throughout the song....But surely the highlight  are your soulful vocals.!!!  I don't think you need more sparkle... I suppose you could boost 10-12k a little...but I think the vocal is positioned perfectly against the muted tones surrounding it... Awesome man!!!!  
And of course, you could always use some soulful chics groovin' in the BG....

The lyrics could use a little more focus..... the language doesn't match the vibe exactly...a little too cerebral....Hey, but that is just my opinion....What do I know....?

igg

Hi igg, thanks for listening and commenting! And for the compliment on the vocals! Ok I'll have a look at the 10-12k. Hahaha chics in the BG, I don't have them on my attic ;-)
Ok yeah the lyrics, good point, thay may mismatch the style, but they're from my heart. Maybe there's some 'low hanging' fruits (small changes) that can make a huge difference. If you have suggestions they're more that welcome!

It's acceptable as is my friend, yeah the vox could have a bit more sparkle but it doesn't make or break the song, the bridge sounded a bit clunky to my ears though..

it could be mastered differently of course..but that would be an individuals personal taste..
as I said..as is sounds good to me..
I wouldn't go for the variation in singing at the end..and the lyrics sound fine maybe try..
If you looked through my tears  instead of If you could look through my tears..less clunky to sing I think..

best, Kevin

Ok I'll look at the sparkle and that parts of the lyrics you're mentioning. Thanks for listening and sharing suggestions my friend.

this is lovely, MM

your singing is fab - as usual - i love the organ too.

i kind of missed the bass when it dropped out, but then again, i love playing bass too much!

to me...it has quite a late-80's Anita Baker sort of feel to it which is really nice...

i'm very impressed how you can growl them out and bang out some chunky guitar or smoothly croon a sweeter groove...and write great songs to do it in!

an excellent song, my friend  

That's nice to hear buddy, haha ok maybe the bass drops too often, will give it another look. Great you love the songwriting aspect and the vox. Thanks for listening, the suggestion and the compliments!

Fantastic song. So emotional when you hear about the background to it. The lyrics are beautiful. I think the vocal is fine as it is, the "S"s come through nicely and adding sparkle might make them sizzle a bit. I love the bass which works very well with the electric piano. Afraid I can't comment on the production being boomy as I have only been able to listen on headphones so far. I would love to hear the backing vocals a bit more. I think a real nylon guitar will make a huge difference to this. Your voice is as ever excellent. Great stuff!

Great to hear from you MB, thanks for giving this track a listen and for the useful suggestions... I'll give using a real guitar for the clean solo a chance and increase the BV loudness a tad. Thanks for the compliment on the vocals!!

fabulous, I was thinking throughout this song, micheal Jackson could have sung this, then it was Phil Collins, it would have been a major hit for both of them. superb production. cant fault it in any way,
sorry if I ignored your vocal, but this had the sort of thing that micheal or phil would have had a big hit with and it just made me think that all the way through.
but that aint a bad thing is it.
love it.

Thanks for listening den! Okay so you like the song as a concept if I read you correctly. Great to hear that... Cool!! 

MM

[olivergearing]

Vocals ace man, very nice to hear a different side of you.

I think you've got a good amount of variation due to the addition of the backing vox in the latter choruses. However, you could easily add some ad libs into this for the last chorus, might give the track some more lift.

The bridge (leading to the main hook "WHY") has a really great musical build, however the lyrics felt a little clunky. You're describing someone who thinks they are completely perfect in every way, which feels a little untrue to the listener, however, I don't know how important this is to the message of the song?

They are the only small bits from me, this is an excellent song!!

Look forward to hearing the final version when complete!!

[Jambrains]

Sounds pretty good as-is. The vox could use a little sparkle but just a tiny bit but overall I think the production is great. Are you using that preamp of yours for the vocals? Some parts/words i.e. "eyes" seems to distort/clip or somethings which does not really feel the smoothness of the track. Terrific vocals are always, great work man!