[Dan James]

Here's one that's been languishing half-finished at the bottom of the pile for some time. Maybe posting it here and getting some feedback will give me the impetus I need to finally get it done.

Nowhere left to hide

How come tonight, she said
It's always like you never said
It could be, even though you said
It would be something different come tomorrow

That's right, but don't insist
Let's try to understand the gist
Don't go too far, the meaning's missed
There's far too many turns and twists to follow

I just don't know what you're thinking of,
I don't know what we're gonna do
I'm so confused what we're choosing from
That's why I leave it up to you

Drifting with the current to the ocean, running with the tide
Thunder rumbling overhead, lightning burning paths across the sky
Stare across the water and you don't know what lies on the other side
Nothing out in front except horizons, there's nowhere left to hide

[PaulAds]

Hello Dan

I love the lyrics section...though it maybe doesn't seem to get so much traffic through it...

I thought this was fine as it is...for song lyrics, if it works well in the tune you have going...there's nothing that stands out negatively.

"Gist" is an odd word when used at the end of a line...nothing wrong with it and it rhymes...

And the "confused what we're choosing from" maybe could be looked at again?

They're fine, though.

Cheers for posting them!

[Dan James]

I love the lyrics section...though it maybe doesn't seem to get so much traffic through it...

You're right, this does look like it's a "tumbleweed blowing down Main Street" section of the forum. Doesn't matter. I've realised, just by the simple act of posting the lyrics here, that what's needed with this song is a better arrangement, not more or modified lyrics.

I'll be back.

[PaulAds]

Yeah...I find it handy, even if it's just to give myself a kick up the arse in order to get something finished.

[igg]

Hi James,

I've been back to this a few times... and each time I try to read it and make sense of the lyric, I fail...
I get that the lyric is sort of "meta" to itself, but I am at a loss to understand what you are trying to say...and feel like I've fallen into a bowl of word soup...
What am I missing???

igg

[Dan James]

Hi James,

I've been back to this a few times... and each time I try to read it and make sense of the lyric, I fail...
I get that the lyric is sort of "meta" to itself, but I am at a loss to understand what you are trying to say...and feel like I've fallen into a bowl of word soup...
What am I missing???

igg

Hi igg,

I've just got back from a Sunday evening jam-session at the local boozer, and am over-brimming with beer. Not a good time to try crafting responses to your questions. I'll get a night's sleep, and will try tomorrow.

By the way, "James" is my surname. Please call me Dan.

[igg]

Sorry Dan.....  I misread your login name....!

[Dan James]

I must say that I was a little hesitant about posting in the lyrics section, as for me a song is not just words, however good, bad or indifferent those words might be, but also the music that accompanies, and, one would hope, augments them. And that music can be an a cappella vocal rendition, a simple strummed guitar accompaniment, and so on, right through to a full-blown multi-instrument production. Song lyrics, read cold without any musical context, can appear dull, lifeless, and, let's face it, meaningless.

[Paulski]

Song lyrics, read cold without any musical context, can appear dull, lifeless, and, let's face it, meaningless.

Hi Dan

Nice to see a new face in the lyrics section!
I hate to disagree in your first post here, but I think a lyric needs to stand on its own even when read without music. What good are words that don't mean anything? It can be abstract and still pack a lot of meaning. As far as your lyric goes I liked it - but it looks like it needs more thought put into it. For me, it has too many perfect rhymes and disjointed thoughts. But feel free to ignore me and please don't let my bluntness turn you off this section!

Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

I too failed to figure out a meaning.  With the right music, that matters very little.  Without it, the song will suffer. 

I too found the perfect rhymes a distraction, and couldn't see how they furthered the story. 

I absolutely LOVED the concluding lines to what I assume were the two verses.  They were perfect lines to conclude with and "resolve" with.... but (imo) they are wasted until/unless there is at least a strong hint about what it is they are "resolving." 

I think this is a marvelous start on what could become a very good lyric.   

[Dan James]

I've got an old, fairly short (2 minutes 10 seconds) and very roughly recorded version of this song on YouTube, but I don't want to post a link to it, because of the "one song a fortnight" rule. When I've re-recorded it, I'll post it in the Finished Songs section, and would be interested to see if that changes people's perception of the words.

Meanwhile, I've got some more lyrics that I want to post in this section, but have a question first - do lyrics also count as part of the "once every two weeks" rule? I hadn't even thought of that when I posted this song.

[johnlondon]

Hello Dan,

Don`t worry I do get the lyrics and what they`re saying. The issue is one of British vernacular, which is not clear to North Americans. “Two peoples divided by a common language”.

The lyrics will certainly work with music, to provide context.

You can post as often as you like in lyrics, it doesn`t affect your posting rights in other sections.

[Dan James]

Actually, there's nothing to 'get'. They are words, they go together quite well, they sound good, and they work within the context of the accompanying music. There is no 'meaning'. Listen and enjoy.

Or not, of course.

[Paulski]

Actually, there's nothing to 'get'. They are words, they go together quite well, they sound good, and they work within the context of the accompanying music. There is no 'meaning'. Listen and enjoy.

Or not, of course.

Hi Dan
This is the lyrics feedback section - if you are not interested in feedback you should probably state that and save us the bother..

[johnlondon]

A little too touchy Dan, no one was being hostile. If you don`t want assistance, don`t ask for it!