[Fan_boy06]

Bliss

I never really understood
Why we cant change
These things in life
To help prevent the pain ,
the misery, that we have

To think we have the necessary means ,
To think that we just need the dreams

If i could then i would reach out
Just need to get this message out ,
That we are all one , not alone
 
Their is a peace inside us all,
But we seem to have let it fall ,
We can take this chance for all
And stop building our walls

All this unessesry death ,
So that we can have the wealth
Propaganda covers up the genocide
So all the jekals  , have the tools to hide

This could be bliss for everyone ,
If only we could carry this on
For he the only begotten son
The one who had died for everyone

All of our sins still remain ,
All of this suffering and the pain
When will we see ,
and set our selves free
 
see the change ,
The dawning of a new age
Where we can all live as one
With bliss for everyone

Pish pish psi

[seriousfun]

This comes across to me as more of a poem than a song, principly because of the lack of song structure.

My advice would be to look at the way a song is made up of a few deffinate parts ie: verse, chorus, bridge. there are other segments like intros, outro's, pre chorus etc but they are not found in most songs. Infact many songs just contain verses and a repeatin chorus. The repeating chorus is vital as it allows the listener quickly identify with the song through use of repitition. common formats are VCVCBC, VCVCVC, ( verse, chorus, bridge). Often an extra chorus is attached to the end as the outro. i suggest you try your first few lyrics around that layout before deviating to others. Initially you should keep your verses to the same length, and the lines should also be of similar length otherwise it will become too difficult to set to music. The chorus, just repeats so that it only requires it to be written once and it should be the theme for the entire song.

Take a look at the lyrics of some well known songs and you will see how many of them will fit one of these patterns.

What you had written read well for an early attempt, and it is certainly a great basis from which you could restructure your best lines to fit one of the structures that I have suggested. Good luck with your writing.