[Jess]

Last night was the first time ever that I've woken up at 1 o'clock in the morning and written a song- it was the weirdest thing, the words were just coming out and about 10 minutes later my light was off and I was back asleep. I was watching something on the beejees and they penned a few of their songs like this, so I officially feel like a songwriter
Anyway, it's about fame, so the theme is far from original, however I've been pretty inspired by the people on here recently posting songs on the same topic, so I tried to Jess-ify it
It's got the word bitch in it, I think a swear word is anything I wouldn't say in front of my mum, but we use this word, so I personally, don't class it as swearing.
Please tell me what you think- normally I rewrite my songs countless times and keep them for a couple months before posting, so this is a new strategy for me- plus I love hearing your feedback

Glitter Coated Life

(Verse 1)
Anticipate the day
When a record deal comes our way
And our names in lights
On a sold out sign
At the O2

(Verse 2)
Imagine getting paid
To sign autographs occasionally
Go to VIP clubs
Be surrounded by love
But not you...

(PreChorus 1)
Cos you lost yourself in the fame heatwave
And you caught frostbite from the money you made

(Chorus)
Remember holding that guitar in your hands?
Now your too occupied with your chihuahua handbag
What happened to the songs that you used to write?
Now your too busy shaking glitter on your glitter coated life

(Verse 3)
A doorman for your car
And a personal shopper
Living Barrie doll
She's incapable
Cos she's worth a few

(Pre Chorus 2)
But you lost your way in the stardom maze
And you need paparazzi to keep you sane

(Chorus)
Remember holding that guitar in your hands?
Now your too occupied with your chihuahua handbag
What happened to the songs that you used to write?
Now your too busy shaking glitter on your glitter coated life

(Bridge)
But when you look back at the path you wanted to lead
You realise your life's turned out a little differently
And if you had it your way- which is how you like it
You wouldn't have become a glitter coated bitch

(Final Chorus)
Remember holding that guitar in your hands?
Now your too occupied with your chihuahua handbag
What happened to the songs that you used to write?
Now your too busy shaking glitter on your glitter coated life
What happened to the songs that you used to write?
Now your too busy shaking glitter on your glitter coated life

[fischermans]

Hello Jess
I like your words but I don´t mind that all musicians will end in a glitter coated life.
To use the word bitch is not that critical in this context for me.
I like most the verse:
But you lost your way in the stardom maze
And you need paparazzi to keep you sane
In the chorus I would write for example:

Forgotten the feeling you had with this blonde guitar in your hands?
Now your too occupied showing your chihuahua handbag to your friends.
What happened to you and to all the songs that you used to write?
Now your too busy shaking glitter on your glitter coated tide.

Best wishes Alexander
 

[Jess]

Thank you, I literally just realised that I use the word 'hands' twice in the chorus, which is now ultimately annoying me! And in no way do I think that all musicians will turn out like this, I'm sure most of them still stay true to who they are, however this was about the celebs who don't- I was mainly inspired by the character Avery Barkley, from Nashville (best. show. ever.)
I like your ideas for the chorus, however I'm slightly confused by 'blonde guitar' and 'glitter coated tide'
I also don't think this my best piece, plus it probably needs more editing, so I'll take any suggestions on board

[fischermans]

Hello Jess
Sorry a mistake in writing.It´s not "glitter coated tide" it´s "glitter coated life" what I want to write.
With blonde guitar I mean a guitar in natural wood color.
All the best
Alexander

[BooBoo]

I like the theme about this. You understand exactly what it's about! The only thing was the rhymes in the third verse, I got confused about how it was supposed to rhyme as the first two verses was so clear as well. That's the only little thing really. I love the first two lines of the chorus, to me the chorus is the strongest part of the song!

[Jess]

Thank you I totally agree with the comment about the third verse, it's considerably weaker than the rest of the song and I rewote it about four times here posting. I think I was using to rhyme car with shopper pronounced shoppar, but I'm unhappy with it, however that was the best of my rewrites so I posted it hoping no one would notice...

[BooBoo]

Aww I feel a little bad now that I noticed. I understand where you are coming from now and it does seem better does that verse that I know where youre coming from.

[Jess]

No! Don't feel bad at all! I'm ultimately glad you noticed, I mean it shows your a talented songwriter if you can find the mistakes I tried to hide! Anyway, now I have a motivation to change it x

[habiTat]

Hey Jess,

I'm so glad you posted 'Genius' on the other side cos I've now got a much better idea of your intended style.

I can almost hear you singing this when I read it. I think it's very well written and would fit in very well with the current pop scene. I'd love to hear it, go on, get a recording sorted

Excellent work, you're very talented and at such an early age!!

Hab..

[Jess]

go on, get a recording sorted

Ok ok I'm going!

[NicBDA]

I really like this song, I've come back to it a few times to read now. I get a feeling of Alanis Morissette from the 2nd Prechorus onwards, but with a more current vibe (hope that makes sence).

I'll also be interested in hearing what you record, as we probably have different melodies in our mind's ears.

I was also thinking about the handbag line from:
Now your too occupied with your chihuahua handbag
to
Now your too occupied with your chihuahua and faux-friends (this is where I thought different melodies might lead to a difference in the way things sound)

[Jess]

Thank you! Everyone seems to have good rewrites to my songs except me!
LOVE Alanis Morissette, she's written some amazing songs and I would love this to sound like a modern version of her work. I've only recorded one of my songs, I find it hard to come up with melodies, my normal genre is pop or country, but the audio I've got up on the other side of the forum is like a Kate Nash speaking-singing kind of number, I definitely see this as pop though

[GTB]

I love the idea of this song, enjoyed reading the lyrics and look forward to hearing it.  You might have a challenge to sing some of those phrases ("chihuahua handbag", "fame heatwave") - good luck!
What's a 'Barrie doll'? - barbie?

I think "frostbite from the money you raised' is an awesome lyric.

(Jess, thanks for adding a new word to my vocabulary, "mind's ears", like it)

cheers, Graham

[Jess]

What's a 'Barrie doll'? - barbie?

Argh, I proof-read ALL my posts about a million times for spelling errors! Damn iPad spellcheck!

[benjo]

 had to log in to comment on this work
 reading some of the other reviews
 i can tell you're a bit of a perfectionist
 we all make mistakes it's how you correct them that counts
 personally i thought it was fantastic
 i get where you're coming from with the celeb thing
 keep it up will go back and read this a few times take care jess...